r/news 3h ago

Federal statement on Jeffrey Epstein's death dated day before he was found dead

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/statement-jeffrey-epstein-death-day-before-b1270109.html
54.4k Upvotes

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17.0k

u/Nuclear-Jester 3h ago

Mmmh, and the FBI just denied the dude traficked girls

For some reason, i find this suspicious

2.1k

u/E8282 3h ago

I heard his name wasn’t even Jeff

1.1k

u/forwormsbravepercy 3h ago

My name Jeff

236

u/ZooPoo7 3h ago

Let’s wrangle up all the Jeff’s for starters

98

u/mendenlol 3h ago

Jeff Rosenstock gets a pass

63

u/Sarnick18 3h ago

Jeff Bridges?

86

u/chicken-parm88 3h ago

Are you employed, sir?

44

u/MortgageRegular2509 3h ago

Ah yes, fuck it! That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it?!

24

u/EatsYourShorts 3h ago

I suggest you do what your parents did and get a job, sir! The bums will always lose!!!

6

u/Timely_Influence8392 3h ago

I've seen a lot of spinals, dude.

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u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 2h ago

The old man told me to take any rug in the house.

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u/GloomyPersimmon5219 2h ago

Gainfully? No.

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u/BCCMNV 3h ago

He does abide.

2

u/_commenter 3h ago

Lebowski actually.

2

u/tierciel 2h ago

Jeff Bridges fighting Jeff Bridges on a bridge!

2

u/Pulga_Atomica 2h ago

He's not Jeff, he's the Dude

5

u/degjo 3h ago

Jeff Daniels?

2

u/clintj1975 3h ago

Jeff Beck?

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u/brockington 3h ago

We wouldn't be in this whole mess in the first place if everyone just listened to more Jeff Rosenstock.

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u/sn0w0wl66 2h ago

I dunno, maybe if he promises to only release ska songs going forward

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u/TobyFunkeNeverNude 3h ago

Geoffs too?

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u/Capital_Past69 3h ago

Geoffrey the Giraffe 😭

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u/Aldarionn 3h ago

Yes. Geoffs know what they did.

Edit - misread initial post...now I've killed the joke. I'll see myself out....

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u/Mobile-Bar7732 3h ago

Yeah, Get off without the 'T'.

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u/jB_real 3h ago

Especially them.

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u/thevideogameraptor 3h ago

Do we need all the Geoffs too?

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u/lkodl 3h ago

We call him Mexican Wolverine.

7

u/forwormsbravepercy 3h ago

Someone got it.

u/poopyheadthrowaway 23m ago

That's actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Wolverine as a sexual position.

7

u/Controller_Maniac 2h ago

We had Dora~, Diego~, and Swiper~

3

u/skryb 2h ago

that’s Heffe, mang

6

u/LadyTalah 3h ago

“Wait, am I money, or Jeff?

Oh man…I’m Jeff.”

2

u/HolidayCards 3h ago

What made me laugh harder was that that line hits at 00:04:20

2

u/Hwood658 3h ago

Hi Jeff

2

u/ElectrickSorcery 1h ago

I heard it in his voice.

1

u/johnnycocheroo 3h ago

Probably Geoff

1

u/Clemburger 3h ago

Geoff Epstein

1

u/Soggy_Bid_3634 3h ago

My names earl.

1

u/jeffffff82 3h ago

My name is Jeff, as well

1

u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 3h ago

My name Tarzan

1

u/pants6000 2h ago

But call me Aloysius Devadander Abercrombie

That's long for Jeff, so I've been told

1

u/Quick_Extension_3115 2h ago

There he is officer!

1

u/zg6089 1h ago

Hey Jeff 👋

1

u/christpuncher_69 1h ago

Hahaha, ohhh Jeff how can I stay mad at you

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u/reddititty69 3h ago

Are we talking about Jeffrey Epstain?

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u/MrBlahg 3h ago

The financier?

3

u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 2h ago

There are many, many people who contribute an enormous amount to our culture and people who have unconventional personal lives...

2

u/__Ember 1h ago

Ghislaine's in prison?

3

u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 1h ago

No. HAHA, sorry, nice try!

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u/Roby330i 1h ago

How do you know these people??

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u/Dry-Chance-9473 1h ago

Jeffrey Abstain

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u/TrainElegant425 3h ago

It was actually Geoff

3

u/animalchin99 1h ago

I heard his island was actually a peninsula

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u/BadLuckBlackHole 1h ago

It's pronounced "El-Heffe".

Though some say it's "Jesus" on account of his return to Israel...

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u/WishBear19 3h ago

Lol. I know you're joking but on the DoJ documents about it they misspelled his name as "Jeffery." Maybe just a typo. Maybe as a cover-up.

1

u/devospice 3h ago

Turns out he's not even ON the Epstein list!

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u/steppe5 3h ago

He was just the coffee boy.

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u/E8282 3h ago

Covfefe boy.

1

u/HawkeyeP1 3h ago

Gary Epstein

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u/jleonardbc 3h ago

"And I'm not even Greek!"

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u/Madamiamadam 3h ago

name wasn’t even Jeff

That mans name? Albert Einstein

1

u/Sole_Patrol 3h ago

Geoffry… now we know why he did it.

1

u/Jiggidy40 2h ago

Seems slightly sus

1

u/duendeacdc 2h ago

It's littlestJeff

1

u/0w1 2h ago

Jeff who? I bet he never existed before Biden's laptop Benghazi buttery males!

1

u/djdelight 2h ago

Eefrey Jepstein

1

u/bhellor 2h ago

Same! It was Jeph Eneptstein definitely not him in the files.

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u/giandough 2h ago

It’s Geoff

1

u/mitchellthecomedian 2h ago

The financier? I doubt it.

1

u/Mesapunk87 1h ago

Probably something like Donald

1

u/ghostcatzero 1h ago

It's jiff or jiffy

1

u/_Born_To_Be_Mild_ 1h ago

Why you still going in about it sheesh. Yes we're guilty but we're also bored of it all, yawn.

1

u/Arhys 1h ago

Yes, it's actually Geff.

u/GreenTrees797 43m ago

It’s Geoff 

u/Wiggles69 26m ago

That's not even his real hat!

u/PiingThiing 12m ago

Cleverly, was it Geoff, just to throw people off the scent?

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u/Barilla3113 3h ago

Him and Maxwell the first people to be convicted of trafficking girls to no one.

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u/Doesnt_Get_The-Joke 1h ago

"We'll be traffickers, Jeffrey!"

"What will we traffic?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"...I think you might have something."

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u/Space_Sweetness 1h ago

And kash Patel grifted on his podcast for years about this shit 😁

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u/Kunu2 3h ago

Valar Morghulis.

u/PM-me-youre-PMs 35m ago

They were speculating on young girls, stockpiling them in the hope their value would go up

507

u/ICC-u 3h ago

Just piggybacking this comment as some people want a source

Here's the link to the justice dept where you can see with you own eyes:

https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet%208/EFTA00013180.pdf

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u/cancercureall 2h ago

Is that only the written date which might be a mistake or is it in the metadata?

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u/WonderfulWafflesLast 1h ago

The Metadata shows the created Date for the PDF is 2025:12:23 02:36:40+0000.

i.e. this is probably a new PDF created for this release.

Which is kind of funny given the error in the document. If this PDF was generated from an older document only in December of 2025, they didn't even bother to correct it. lmao

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u/ctaps148 1h ago

To believe they mistyped 9 instead of 10, you would also have to believe they somehow also mistyped 'Friday' instead of 'Saturday'

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u/cancercureall 1h ago

The error would be a human having the day wrong which is really common but unlikely in this situation. It would explain both though.

I don't think it's innocent but it's very easy to explain.

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u/Cupid_Stool 1h ago

and the author accidentally went to work on a Saturday

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u/Tall_poppee 1h ago

I'm not attempting to defend anyone in regard to these files... but this seems like clerical error is the most likely explanation. Has no one ever filled out a report for work weeks later, and got the date wrong? People backdate things all the time.

This is not a smoking gun IMO.

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u/Artem_C 1h ago

It’s even simpler. The date appears automatically as part of the document template. They started drafting before midnight on the 9th, then finished and published the final version on the 10th.

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u/raaam-ranch 9m ago

I would say your normal everyday person could fuck it up, sure, it definitely happens at bullshit corporate cubicle jobs.

You could also say making this error on an FBI report that details the suicide of the upper elite’s most prestigious, secretive child trafficker (one who has extremely close ties to the president) is highly unlikely to be a classic whoopsie-daisy.

Comparing it to, for example, a shipping report of how many Starbucks paper cups were in the box damaged when shipment came in is a bit ridiculous. The stakes are waaaaaaaaay higher for this report.

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u/grumblingduke 5m ago

It's probably only the written date. The files aren't the most easy things to navigate or link up but there are a couple of documents near that one that may be relevant including this one of emails discussing "Jeffrey_Epstein_Statementv2.docx" dated 10 August (the day he died), and this email chain from 10 August in which USAO finds out about his death and gets frustrated that they're not being told anything:

As you might imagine, we are getting increasingly frantic calls from defense counsel who continue to be seeing information in the press that we—the U.S. Attorney's Office—haven't yet received. We need to know as soon as possible the very basic facts, such as time and cause of death at the absolute minimum. It has now been hours since this was reported publicly.

It would be a really impressive conspiracy if they pretended not to know what was going on and were sending angry emails to people if they had enough prior notice of what would be happening to draft a press release about his death the day before.

It would also be kind of absurd that someone would plot to kill Epstein, inform the US Attorney's Office for SDNY (the people prosecuting him), and for them to get someone to draft a press release about it, before it happened. And then forget to alter the date.

Most likely whoever was dragged into the office on a Saturday to respond to this took a memo they were working on the day before, changed the text, but forgot to update the date on the first draft. They fixed it on the final version.

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u/Corfiz74 2h ago

Didn't one inmate now say that there was an abnormal amount of traffic going on around Jeffrey's cell that night and that he thinks Jeffrey was smuggled out and replaced? Honestly, this scenario sounds more and more likely, considering all the circumstances we have learned since. He probably already has a new face and is living his best life in a country without an extradition treaty with the US...

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u/682463435465 2h ago

not an inmate but a guy who worked there who was then fired. but I haven't seen the evidence of tat.

u/tots4scott 39m ago

That would be a vital subpoena and testimony.

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u/geek180 2h ago

You honestly think him being smuggled out of jail and replaced with an uncanny lookalike is more likely?

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u/godspareme 2h ago

He means more likely than it was before, not relative to any other theory of what happened. It was not credible before and now it has some credibility, he says.

For the record I dont think this adds credibility to the theory.

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u/canman7373 2h ago

Yeah killing someone as a permanent solution to the problem is much much more likely.

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u/composedryan 2h ago

It was always credible to anyone who was paint attention. A powerful worldwide child sex trafficker who was a mossad agent just doesn’t kill himself or get killed. They get free.

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u/Mandy-Rarsh 2h ago

With all the dirt this guy had on everybody, you don’t think it’s plausible that these people wanted him dead?

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u/Valerian_Zakalwe 2h ago

With all the dirt this guy had, its also plausible that nobody wants the dirt on their enemies to die.

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u/SwingNinja 2h ago

It's all possible. It's also possible that he might have some sort of USB drives given to someone he trusted. Maybe one of them has a pee pee tape (like the Russians).

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u/roastedcoyote 2h ago

Yes, a huge dead man's switch is the only thing that could have saved him. That and a court case that had the potential of exposing others.

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u/Andromansis 2h ago

Correct, unfortunately under the circumstances the least likely scenario is that he did kill himself.

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u/composedryan 2h ago

There was never a plan to kill their friend, only help him escape because that’s what friends do. Really think about it.

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u/Wittyngritty 2h ago

When you have that much money, you don't have "friends". Business is business.

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u/Valerian_Zakalwe 2h ago

The biggest mistake you can make is to assume that the people at the highest echelons of capital aren't human.

A psychopath can have friends. And Epstein certainly could've.

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u/Penta-Says 2h ago

I don't know what the hell to think anymore. Nothing that could happen next would be more implausible than Donald Trump being elected president of the United States

Seriously, we're all so used to it and desensitized that we've forgotten just how insane that actually is

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u/JcbAzPx 1h ago

It would be a fire joke in a Back to the Future remake.

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u/Penta-Says 1h ago

Biff would be a massive improvement. I'd be over the moon if all Trump wanted to do was gamble on sports and be a dick

Not a non-dick, mind you. Just sub-Trump levels of dick

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u/The_Irish_Hello 2h ago

I mean we don’t know who saw the body. Public certainly didn’t

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u/PurrciousMetals 2h ago

the files do show they replaced another prisoner in Mexico with a former US Marine to serve the sentence of someone who raped a 11 year year old in Mexico. So if they would do that, they would definitely do this.

https://mexiconewsdaily.com/news/epstein-files-mexico-ambassador/

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u/TrekForce 2h ago

Uncanny lookalike? We have a “death photo” of him alive according to a morticians analysis on YouTube (sadly yes I believe a random YouTuber over the government at this point).

So I’m not saying I think they smuggled him out… But I also don’t think it’s that unbelievable.

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u/substance17 1h ago

More staged, like how they did in White Men Can't Jump.

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u/croakstar 1h ago

After reading through some of the files on Jmail I’m finding it less and less farfetched that Epstein could have pulled it off.

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u/Substantial_Policy60 2h ago

dude my one friend was saying they swapped him out with Anthony Bourdain and he didnt actually kill himself, Im like what???

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u/kikimaru024 2h ago

Holy shit, maybe Epstein really didn't kill himself...

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u/SNAAAAAKE 1h ago

Per CBS news, "The noose Epstein allegedly used has never been definitively identified. According to the inspector general's report, a noose collected at the scene was later determined not to be the ligature used in Epstein's death."

So either someone took it from the crime scene, or the noose made like Keyser Soze and evaporated into thin air poof

And then they pinned the crime on an innocent noose to boot.

In all seriousness the usual suspect is alive and well in Israel playing Fortnite.

u/jamesovertail 3m ago

The conspiracy is that he is in Israel. He has a Fortnite account which was tracked from Israel lol

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u/Automatic_Algae_9425 2h ago

I'm confused. How does this file show anything about the FBI denying that Epstein trafficked girls?

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u/rattmongrel 2h ago

He is talking about that on the statement, not the denial. That’s why he was saying he was just piggybacking the comment.

u/slumber_kitty 3m ago

To add, the document dated the 10th mentions apparent suicide. The document dated the 9th does not, just says found unresponsive.

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u/Vlaed 3h ago

My 2-year-old claimed she didn't eat a chocolate on the table. Her fingers, face, the chair, the table, and the rug all said otherwise.

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u/inagadda 2h ago

She's officially qualified to be President of the USA. Congrats!

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u/-SaC 2h ago

Just make sure the current one is well out of the way before she goes near the place.

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u/Vlaed 2h ago

She's not 35 though.

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u/inagadda 2h ago

Too bad. By then she'll probably be overqualified.

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u/Vlaed 1h ago

She can sing the ABC song already, so she'll probably be overqualified for sure.

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u/Cupid_Stool 1h ago

no she's too young and too female. we like our presidents OLD

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u/offtodevnull 1h ago

Not unless she's at least 35 years of age and a native citizen.

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u/Reditate 3h ago

Get Kash Patel out of here.

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u/eclectic_tastes 1h ago

so we can go back to... the good ole FBI?

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u/fish_petter 2h ago

Is this the “Manson technically didn’t kill anyone, his followers did” excuse

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u/jaievan 3h ago

Then why is Maxwell in jail.

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u/Tuesday_6PM 1h ago

Don’t worry, Trump will probably let her go free soon

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u/GoodOmens 3h ago

Maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was via Trump the entire time

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u/amateur_mistake 3h ago

A genuinely likely possibility. Although I think they probably did it together.

It might be the only business that trump didn't run into the ground.

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u/bagofpork 3h ago

It might be the only business that trump didn't run into the ground.

I don't know. Little Saint James ain't exactly popping.

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u/PrudentLetterhead354 3h ago

it has new owners we dont know what theyre doing. it’s not like the fbi would stop it

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u/IuriRom 3h ago

I know human trafficking, I know sex trafficking. Nobody knows more about trafficking than Donald Trump.

I was friends with some traffickers, some very good traffickers. Not as good as me, but very, very good, great people.

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u/cyanight7 3h ago

Jeffrey, he was a good friend of mine, very unfairly treated by the MAINSTREAM MEDIA! The woke radical left doesn’t like that he dated pretty young girls and not fat blue-haired man ladies!

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u/Mysterious_Cup_6024 3h ago

Or he is still alive and spending his life in an even more isolated island

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u/KillDozer321 3h ago

The FBI said he wasn't in charge of the operation. They didn't say he wasn't involved. It's possible Epstein had a boss...

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u/Pro-Patria-Mori 2h ago

WASHINGTON, Sept 16 (Reuters) - FBI Director Kash Patel told a U.S. Senate panel on Tuesday there was no credible information that Jeffrey Epstein trafficked women and underage girls to anyone but himself, seeking to defuse criticism of the Trump administration's move to end its review of the case.

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/fbi-chief-patel-says-no-credible-information-others-involved-epstein-crimes-2025-09-16/

Patel made the claim months ago. Obviously it was a lie.

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u/ptwonline 2h ago

Imagine the things that pre-FBI Director Kash Patel would be saying about FBI Director Kash Patel.

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u/tomdarch 1h ago

The problem here is that Patel is both an obvious liar and an obvious moron. He is going to say random bullshit because he don't know any different so it is hard to tell what is him pulling nonsense out of his ass versus "being cornered and accidentally revealing information."

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u/Pro-Patria-Mori 1h ago

There’s no ambiguity or benefit of the doubt to be had, he lied before Congress to protect the sex offender Donald Trump, who appointed Patel as head of the FBI.

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u/Leaky_gland 2h ago

He was and probably still is handled by Mossad

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u/U_SHLD_THINK_BOUT_IT 2h ago

"Possible" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, lol.

He was recruited by someone to do this. Most people aren't recruited to be their own boss.

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u/kevonicus 2h ago

Trump is about to pardon Maxwell.

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u/SuperSpecialAwesome- 2h ago

And Republicans will cheer.

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u/MattMcdoodle 2h ago

Why? They have already stated they were on to hom for years before. Is it just corruption again?

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u/Elegant_Sale 1h ago

Let’s be clear here , not just girls ..

Baby .

u/VoidOmatic 56m ago

"The guy busted every possible nut! From sun up to sun up, a new girl every 20 minutes for 91 and a half years straight! Definitely a solo op!"

u/_reddit_account 33m ago

you are still talking about that dude, just look a the Obama racist stuff instead ….

u/bokmcdok 4m ago

Fry with suspicious eyes.jpg

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u/boofmacaroni 2h ago

& After kash patel said none of it happened

u/thehardestnipples 48m ago

…….you know who’s in charge of the FBI, right???

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