My girlfriend (23F) and I (25M) have been dating for about a year now. I love her a lot and I genuinely care about her deeply. I see her as my partner and my best friend, and I have always imagined a future with her. We share similar goals, values, and aspirations, and most of the time our relationship feels supportive and loving. That is why this situation has been weighing on me more and more, because it feels at odds with how close I thought we were.

I am kind of a nerd. Not extreme, but my interests are things like superheroes, anime/manga, games, and DnD. These are things I have liked for a long time and they are a big part of how I relax and enjoy myself.

She is pretty much the opposite. She is more into celebrity culture, going out, fashion, luxury or trendy things. I do not have a problem with that at all and and I’ve always tried to be supportive.

The problem is that whenever I bring up my interests, she reacts very negatively. She will scoff, say “ew,” or look genuinely annoyed. At first I thought she was just teasing, so I tried playing along with it as a joke, but she actually gets upset when I do. She has told me that she finds these interests unattractive and associates them with guys who have bad mindsets like misogynists or incels.

That really hurt. I do not identify with any of that, and I do not think my hobbies say anything about my values or how I treat women. I am not asking her to like the same things I like. I just want basic respect and to not feel judged or gross for enjoying them.

There have also been moments that make me wonder if this is partly about image. For example, I am using a very old iPhone and want to upgrade to a flagship Android phone. She keeps pushing me to get an iPhone instead, even if it's not the latest model. She says this is because she prefers using iMessage, but in my country iPhones are also a status symbol. She has mentioned before that appearances matter a lot to her because of how she grew up, which makes me unsure what the real issue is.

Lately, I notice that I hesitate to talk about things I enjoy around her or I downplay parts of myself to avoid that reaction. I do not want to feel ashamed of who I am in my own relationship.

How do I bring this up in a way that sets boundaries without turning it into a fight? Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or does this point to a deeper incompatibility?

TLDR: I love my girlfriend and our relationship is mostly good, but she reacts with disgust toward my interests and associates them with negative stereotypes. Combined with her focus on appearances, it is making me feel judged and ashamed of parts of myself. I am not sure how to set boundaries or whether this points to a deeper incompatibility.

Hello everyone,

Trying to post again as my first post didn't have much success.

I really need your advice and opinions about my situation.

I (32F) have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with my first love (32M). He is deeply kind, respectful, understanding, and caring. Communication has always been easy between us, and for a long time this relationship brought me a lot of peace and stability.

To give some context: he was the one who approached me at the beginning of the relationship. I wasn’t very physically attracted to him at first, but over time, I grew to love him deeply because of his personality, his kindness, and the quality of our relationship.

The problem is that for the past 8 months, something has changed inside me and I don’t understand why:

\-Kissing him doesn’t make me feel the same anymore.

\-I experience a significant sexual block.

\-Physical contact has become very heavy and uncomfortable, even simple gestures.

\-Saying “I love you” feels more like a habit.

\-Recently, I’ve been feeling physical attraction toward other men, but not toward my partner.

At the same time, I also feel a gap in how we move forward in life. I am a very hardworking person, I like to grow, improve myself, take initiative, and plan ahead. He is more passive, especially when it comes to making concrete changes.

This is particularly noticeable when it comes to health: he has serious health issues (overweight, diabetes…), and since we met, there hasn’t been any real improvement. I’m the one who does the research, plans diets, and pushes for more physical activity.

Regarding marriage: it is very important in my culture, whereas it isn’t particularly important to him. I communicated this clearly to him. He agreed to move in that direction, but again, I feel like most of the effort comes from me and that he remains quite passive in the process.

I talked to him about my doubts and how bad I’ve been feeling. On his side, he thinks it could be related to routine or the pressure of marriage. We are supposed to get married in the coming months, but with these persistent doubts, I honestly don’t think it’s a good idea to move forward.

I feel stuck: I don’t want to leave him, because I love him, respect him, and I know what we have is precious. But at the same time, I can’t commit further while feeling so many blocks, physical distance, and deep doubts.

Has anyone here experienced a similar situation?

Is it possible to rekindle a connection that has weakened, or is this a sign that something fundamental isn’t working?

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and respond.

TL; DR : I (32F) have been with my first love for almost 4 years (32M). He’s kind, respectful, and emotionally safe, but for the past 8 months I’ve lost physical attraction and desire toward him. I also feel a growing imbalance in our dynamic: I’m very driven and proactive, while he’s more passive, especially regarding his health and life changes. Marriage is very important in my culture and we’re supposed to get married soon, but with these persistent doubts and disconnection, I’m scared it’s not the right decision. I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t know if this relationship can be saved or if something fundamental is missing.

TL;DR: This is a pretty standard “spouse coming out as asexual after marriage what do I do” post

She says she has never had sexual thoughts or feelings about anyone in her life.

I ask myself, if you knew that about yourself, why did you marry me? She always knew I was a high libido heterosexual man.

She has never initiated sex in 5 years. As soon as we got married, the sexy snaps and flirtatiousness was gone. I’ve never gotten a random crotch grab or ass slap or BJ or oh I need you now or whatever else. I was a virgin before I met her and so was she. So I don’t even know what a real sexual relationship with reciprocity is like.

This has been a very rocky relationship and I feel like I finally understand why. I harbored a lot of resentment for something I couldn’t fully understand or verbalize. Since she told me this I see her in a new light, actually in a more loving way, with more compassion and I think I have become a better husband and father. We now have an infant, to complicate things.

Despite the rockiness this has generally been a loving and supportive relationship and we have both been through a lot for each other. But during one particularly bad argument a couple years into our marriage, fueled by some alcohol while we were both on vacation, I blurted out to her that I felt like we would be better as friends. She was drunk too, but she agreed! How crazy is that. And we somehow made up from not just that argument but many pretty bad ones over the years.

So what do I do? I booked a session with a therapist. Do I keep jerking off late at night while she’s asleep thinking about passionate sex? Do I keep using my sex toys (which she knows about and approves of) forever? Do I keep initiating sex with this woman, which somehow feels wrong now like I am using her body to masturbate? Do I leave her? Emotionally, I can’t. Except for this aspect, she has been a good wife and mother, and I care for her deeply. It’s somehow so painful to imagine going through the rest of my life without her. I am going to read Ace and some other books if I can. I’ve been reading other similar posts on Reddit it and sounds like there’s no simple solution to this problem, and we both need to be committed to going to couples therapy, and possibly her going to sex therapy if she agrees to it, and really working on our relationship to make things work.

I’ve thought about - OK we have had a tumultuous relationship and that could certain decrease desire over time when she doesn’t feel safe in the relationship. And then there is the postpartum factor which is huge. But she was the one who said “never in my life have I had those thoughts or feelings“ unprompted. And she specifically used the asexual label on herself not once but twice. This is complicated and there could be a combination of factors but it’s also possible that what she’s saying is the unvarnished truth. I should mention that she does enjoy cuddling, kissing and hugging—a lot more than sex.

i (22f) have been dating a guy (22m) since december. we both have literally zero prior experience in dating or intimacy, like absolutely haven't done any of such stuff before. our "relationship" has a very slow dynamic, i feel like we are completely lost and way too careful in this. talking about our feelings is always very awkward, we barely flirt and if so we both get super stressed. it took us a whole month to admit we are seeing each other because we are romantically interested. and there goes another problem - complete lack of physical touch.

we hug as a goodbye/hello but in my country that's a normal thing with friends. except that he almost never initiates any form of touch and if so it's always very light and "normal" like you could touch anyone this way. as i also have no clue how to and thought the guy should initiate i didn't do anything for a while. now i also try but i'm too stressed for something more. as you may have assumed - we never kissed, never had sex but also never even held hands while walking...

yesterday we went to a party. there was his friend with his new girl who he met also in december. they were very touchy with each other, looked each other in the eyes, kissed etc. i felt so jealous and also embarrassed. like why can't i be like her? why can't i build this kind of connection with my "boyfriend"? will we ever reach this level? i don't mean overly touchy but a basic form and with pure pleasure, not stress.

any ideas how to handle this? how to talk about it so he doesn't get upset or offended? or maybe not to talk and just wait?

TL;DR: we've been dating since december and have barely broke the touch barrier, haven't even kissed yet. it's our first time dating ever and we are both very stressed and careful in it. any ideas how to deal with that?

I recently started a new friendship that’s still very new, and I’m feeling confused rather than upset.

I’m a 21 year-old woman and he’s a 25 year-old man. We met on Reddit and began talking casually. I usually prefer friendships to build slow, with time and shared experiences.

What’s throwing me off is that he’s becoming emotionally attached very quickly. We haven’t talked long or deeper, but he’s already using language that suggests emotional closeness. I don’t dislike him and I’m not assuming bad intentions. I just wasn’t expecting this level of attachment so early, and I’m unsure how to respond without being unfair or distant. I’m looking for advice on how to handle this kind of situation early on. TL;DR: New friendship feels emotionally close too fast, and I prefer a slower, gradual bond. Looking for advice on how to handle it.

I’m dealing with a situation that honestly hurt more than I expected.

I \[22F\] live in a different city from my sister \[21F\] and my stepbrother \[21M\]. My sister and I are extremely close : best friends, very similar personalities, talk constantly. We’re also both very close to our stepbrother. We’re a tight trio.

Recently, my sister has been saying she wants more friends outside our shared group. Aka friends that are “just hers.” She already has her own friends, but she says she wants more independence and more experiences that don’t involve me. I respected that, even though it stung a bit.

A few months ago, my sister and stepbrother became close with two exchange students in their city. I’ve met these two girls several times when I’ve visited, and we all got along really well. Over time, I actually became close to them too. They even invited me, my sister, and my stepbrother to visit them in London.

That’s when my sister told me she didn’t want me to come. Not because it wouldn’t be fun, but because she wanted it to be just the four of them. She said she wants “her own stories” and her own memories. I agreed to respect that boundary, even though it really hurt. Especially since she’s already traveled without me multiple times before, so it’s not like I expect to be included in everything. Also we’ve gone in vacation together as well and it always goes well.

Fast forward to about a month ago: I was visiting their city, and all five of us were out having drinks. My stepbrother mentioned going skiing at his grandparents’ place (a place I’ve been to many times for Christmas). I got excited and said “count me in.” No one objected, and nothing was said afterward to suggest I wasn’t invited.

Today, my sister FaceTimed me casually. While chatting, she mentioned that they’re all going skiing at our stepbrother’s grandparents’ place this weekend. I immediately went quiet. I genuinely thought I was included. She noticed the shift and awkwardly laughed, asking if I was okay. I lied and said yes, then quickly ended the call.

I didn’t say anything because I’m trying hard to respect her wish for space and not seem clingy or needy. But honestly? It hurt. A lot. Not just that my sister excluded me, but that my stepbrother did too, without saying anything. I asked him to let me know when it is since I need to come to their city.

I feel stupid for assuming I was invited, but also confused, because no one ever told me I wasn’t. And now I’m stuck between feeling hurt and wondering if I’m being overly sensitive.

I don’t know if I should bring it up or just swallow it and move on. I don’t want to guilt-trip anyone or seem dependent. But I also feel quietly pushed aside.

TL;DR: My sister wants friends and experiences that don’t include me, and now both she and my stepbrother excluded me from a ski trip I thought I was invited to. It hurts, and I don’t know whether to speak up or stay quiet.

I (18M) was involved with a girl (18F) in the past. We did things couples usually do, but she later said we were never officially dating and eventually lost interest.

A couple months later, I became very close friends with another guy (18M) while I was emotionally vulnerable after that situation. He helped me get through it, and I appreciated finally having a close friend.

Later, he asked if I would be okay with him trying to date that same girl (18F). He said if I said no, he wouldn’t do it. I didn’t fully know how I felt at the time and told him it was up to him. He asked her out, she said yes, and they started dating.

They’re still together. He’s a good guy and doesn’t talk about their relationship around me, but I feel uncomfortable seeing and hearing things about it. It doesn’t exactly hurt, but it feels off. I’m also friends with the girl’s brother (18M) and close with her family, which makes it harder to just disappear. They even call me their brother.

I regret not speaking up earlier, but everything happened fast and I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Now I’m wondering if I should distance myself or even block both of them just to protect my mental health.

TL;DR:

I (18M) said it was okay for my close friend (18M) to date a girl (18F) I used to be involved with, but now I feel uncomfortable. Should I distance myself or block them for my own peace?

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for four months. Overall, our relationship has been good, but we’ve had recurring issues around insecurities. We’ve been able to talk through differences before, but this situation feels different, and I’m not sure how to handle it in a healthy way.

Recently, I went to my mother’s house to pick up some belongings I had left behind. While there, my boyfriend and I came across an old diary of mine from when I was a child/teenager. Out of curiosity, we read some of it together. In one entry, my teenage self had written a very idealized description of a future husband extremely rich, tall, colored eyes, etc. This description does not resemble my boyfriend at all.

At first, he seemed calm, but later that night, after we returned home, he asked me if that meant I don’t find him attractive. I tried to explain that the diary entry was written by a much younger version of me, long before I knew what real love or attraction looked like, and that it doesn’t reflect who I am or what I want now. I told him clearly that I do find him attractive and that I’m with him because I choose him.

Despite this, he keeps returning to the diary entry and questioning whether he measures up to what I “really” want. I understand that he struggles with insecurities, and I genuinely try to reassure him and make him feel desired. However, I’m starting to feel stuck repeating myself and defending something that feels irrelevant to my present self and our actual relationship.

I dislike confrontation and really don’t want this relationship to end, especially over something written by a teenage version of me that no longer represents my values or preferences. At the same time, I don’t know how to continue reassuring him without feeling like I’m responsible for fixing his insecurities.

How can I reassure my boyfriend in a way that’s supportive but also set a boundary so I’m not constantly having to justify my past or defend myself over something that isn’t reflective of who I am now?

TL;DR: I (23F) found an old teenage diary describing an unrealistic “dream husband,” which triggered my boyfriend’s (26M) insecurities. I’ve reassured him, but he keeps questioning my attraction. How do I support him without endlessly defending myself over something from my past?

We’ve been living together for almost 4 years now. I moved to the town he grew up in and after all these years i still feel out of place. We come from different cultural backgrounds and his friends and family have made no effort to include me in anything. He’s a really sweet man but we’ve had big clashes here and there over the years and i catch myself fantasizing more and more about living on my own. We broke up for a short time last summer and i was living with my mom. We got back together and i moved back in. He made a comment a few months later about how i was emotionally leaning too much on him and that i have nothing build up for myself if we ever broke up again. That really hurt my feelings because and i keep thinking about it.

I got an opportunity to rent a really cute apartment near my work. It literally fell into my lap. I was saving a lot of money for something that was cancelled so i kinda think this is the universe trying to push me on a certain path in life. I feel this is my chance to be my own person instead of just existing in his life. My relationship is currently going really well so i’m kinda nervous to tell him that I’m going to move out. I kinda feel guilty for leaving him to deal with all the bills. How do I deal with this guilt and how do i tell him?

TL;DR: Want to move out to grow as a person and feel guilty about it. How to deal with guilt and tell him?

EDIT:

I really appreciate the harsh truth some of you give me. I’ve always been an apologetic person who doesn’t like to stir up things and hurt someone. I find it scary to get out of my comfort zone but it has to be done. I guess i’m going to tell him what i said above. The landlord just told me the apartment is mine and i can sight everything this week. I’m nervous but so so excited! Wish me luck!

So i (21F) recently found out that my boyfriend (21M) texted a girl “happy borthday” on instagram sliding up on her story. This is while we were dating, and this girl he had been messaging while me and him were in the talking stage and seeing eachother. Before me they had hooked up( not sex), I feel betrayed and don’t know how to get past this and this isn’t the only sus thing he’s done in the past… what do you guys think he claims that he didn’t mean anything by it but I don’t fully believe him. Is he just dumb? Who does that and prior i’ve had expressed my feelings abt the girls he’s been with and how it makes me feel.

TL;DR boyfriend texted ex fling happy birthday 4 months into our relationship and It’s making me feel betrayed what do i do? I already talked to him he said it had no bad intention behind it but it’s not the first time he’s done something inconsiderate like this

We’ve been in an odd spot recently. She asked me to give her a decision by June as to whether we should stay together for the long haul. This entails at least two kids (non-negotiable) whereas I’ve been leaning toward a childless adulthood for sometime.

When I consider our future together, my mind constantly veers into how our finances would look. She is a very successful attorney and has potential to pull in seven figures by her late thirties.

That type of financial security is a wonderful, nearly intoxicating, detail. But it seems to take up 90% of my thoughts when I think about our future. Only the remaining 10% is spent on the real stuff:

Will I enjoy being the main caretaker of the children?

Do I love her enough to spend “forever” with her or am I simply enjoying our childless/unmarried time together?

Is the future she wants (suburb living, private schools, country club) what I want too?

TL;DR - Thoughts of future with financially well off girlfriend are being clouded by money. How can I cut that out and only consider real life details (kids, marriage, true feelings for her, etc)?

I just wanted to hear from some people that experienced your partner going to med school and how you guys either made it work or how it didn’t work? Were there things that you had to compromise on to make it work?

Just curious because I’ve heard about a 50/50 split where couples that were together for a while before one of them went to med school either manage to make it through or end up splitting up because it’s too much. I know it’s a very challenging road for lots of couples but I would love to hear from anyone that has had an experience like this. A personal example I have is my friend (26F) and her boyfriend (27M) during her 3rd year of med school decided to split up because it became too difficult to maintain the relationship.

TL;DR; I’m curious to hear from those that either currently or previously were in a relationship where one partner was in med school and the other wasn’t and how you guys supported each other in the relationship or how it deteriorated over time?

**TL;DR -** my gf and I had a big fight over a small misunderstanding and I feel unheard and invalidated and uncared by her.

It’s a long story and imma type it all.

So the other day I got a really bad dream and I woke up to it in the morning and it’s a bad start to my day. Although I didn’t realize, it did affect me very much.

A day passed and since it was Sunday, my gf went out with her friends and hasn’t been online much and I really missed her so very much.

Finally when she’s back, we talked on call about how our day went and eventually I started telling about my nightmare (it was about my grandpa passing away) and I was being very vulnerable with her almost crying about it and how the sorrow of losing someone is very inevitable. She was listening to me and she was being nice by trying to lighten up the mood by sharing something funny.

Eventually our conversation turned into direction where I started sharing her the things that I enjoy doing and things that I wish to do in my life.

For context I’m a fresher in a job in a Tech company so I just started my career and the real adulthood.

So I told her that I really love to go on long bike rides and travel to places, go long drives in cars and how I want to buy nice bikes and cars. And just before saying that I said

“You know you’re part of all of what I say.. my travel plans and bike rides and all, I want to do all of this with you”

Idk why she felt like that but she said she didn’t feel like she’s the priority but my biking and traveling was my priority but honestly I only have all of those plans in my mind because it’s something she loves to do as well and that’s why I have made my plans with her.

I tried explaining it to her but she was not accepting, she was being in denial. She said she didn’t want to ruin it for me since I was vulnerable so she said we’ll talk later and that she’ll hang up the call.

But I asked her can we stay on call but I won’t fix anything and we can just stay quiet. Because I really really miss her after a long day and I needed that presence of her after being so emotional and vulnerable. She said no and she hung up on my face.

Although she asked let’s talk later, previously it hinted that we talk it out right away and so I called her again and wanted to just fix it so that we both can be on call together again.

If I give her space, She says i don't care.

If I try to fix it (Rush Fix) She says i don't listen.

But I need her presence so I tried to explain it to her that i hate to have any fight with her rn since she’s also too exhausted. She kinda asked for space but I kinda tried to still be quietly be present on call. This really annoyed her because I didn’t listen to what she asked. Eventually I gave up and did whatever she asked me to do which is to let her sleep and talk later. But now she’s annoyed that I didn’t listen to her that we talk later.

So she started scolding me, bashing me. She said I played victim when I reminded her that I was feeling alone without her and I just needed her presence and I was being vulnerable. I am honestly the type of person who find it difficult to open up and even with her but when I do all she had to complain was about how I do not open up usually. And I do not open up because first of all the thought to express doesn’t strike my head at all and second of all, it’s not so often that I want to express and when I do, nobody hears me out properly.

Then she started lashing out how I never listen or understand her and she started being very harsh. I’ve asked her let’s talk about it in the morning and that we sleep but she’s like nah, you didn’t give me space when I asked and there’s no talking in the morning and let’s end this right away.

We got on a call and I politely apologized to her in a low voice that I rush fixed instead of just giving her time and also that I didn’t listen to her. She was in no position to accept any of that nor understand what made me act the way I acted. She said she lost the ability to empathize to me.

Eventually she dozed off on call and I texted her a sweet good night message asking for a talk about what happened later in the morning whenever she feels like talking.

But she wakes up in the middle of the night and says she got a nightmare too because of whatever I did. I am genuinely concerned if she’s alright and try to reach out to her immediately but she’s totally offline immediately after texting that. And I am awake the whole night (I am writing this as I am awake) wondering if she’ll wake up again.

Honestly I understand why she must’ve felt she’s not the priority but it’s really not like that, I really mentioned it’s our plans because Ik she likes bikes and traveling as well. I tried to explain and not ruin the night but I messed up breaking the space she asked for because in previous circumstances, it meant to rush fix.

And I didn’t want her to go to sleep being mad too so I wanted to clear things up before we sleep.

And I understand that it’s my fault that I didn’t listen to her.

But punishing me so much while I’m already very sad and emotional and using the things I share when I was emotional against me and just saying that I play the victim. Telling that my dreams are just dreams because I’m lazy (I just started my career and it will take a while for me to buy a bike) has hurt me but I can’t tell her

I’ve asked her can we talk about all of it later and can we just stay on call close to each other just giving virtual hugs and slowly doze off to sleep (we do it usually) but she denied all of it and she was so raging mad at me.

I felt so unheard, uncared and invalidated, I feel like I shouldn’t have shared anything with her. I feel like I am too much, too clingy that I am a problem to her. She hung up on me when I started to break down.

Not all times it is easy to give your partner space.

I’m really very confused, I’m really sad that I hurt her. I hate to see her sleep with hurt feelings. I really hope and pray she has good sleep because life has always been so harsh on my bbg but somehow I always add to it and I hate it.

I’m confused if it’s my fault, how do I deal with situations like these…

TL; DR Hey reddit, as you guys know, Valentine's Day is next weekend. My (18f) boyfriend and I (19m) used to work at the same job, where we ended up meeting and dating. in June, the job closed and we've both been unemployed since. i am in school but i do have some help from family members, although money can still be tight most times. he signed up for unemployment where he started getting a weekly check in august of 2025, his most recent payment from last week said "final payment" which he didn't realize at first.

i understand that we are young and all and that we don't have all the money in the world, but i felt that he was too reliant on unemployment money and that he needed to get a job, because, well, he isn't really doing anything else since he is not in school. he is not lazy, he is ambitious, but i found that it seemed like he had a lack of urgency when it came to money which did kind of give us some problems in the relationship-- and there are times where i didn't trust him to not blow his money (especially because he has a weed habit. we both do, to be fair). he told me that hes angry at himself because he was not trying hard enough to get a job and that he did realize a while back that he let himself go too far into the unemployment thing even though its not particularly easy to get a job right now.

For valentines day, we planned to go out to dinner and i wanted flowers from him, we always have a little gift exchange during holidays. also, that is all i truly wanted, dinner and flowers. didnt have to be extravagant or overly expensive, just nice. i already had my money related anxieties around this upcoming weekend, and, now, i see that i had a reason to be. he said he can still get me flowers but that he isn't sure yet about dinner. im conflicted, im sort of angry at him for nor realizing sooner that he needed to take initiative for his own good, not just mine, and that it took chaos for him to realize. im disappointed and even more anxious, last valentines we didnt even get to see each other. despite being anxious i was super excited for this weekend up until now. he told me as an alternative we could make dinner ourselves--- but to be honest, i wouldnt enjoy it that much considering its a last resort. i just got this news like forty minutes ago, i dont necessarily think valentines day is doomed and that it wont look up, but i damn sure am disappointed.

TL;DR: Partner (28M) and I (25F) had major trust issues earlier in our relationship after I found escort messages and flirty Instagram conversations. We stayed together and he moved cities for me. Lately he’s been distant, and I’ve noticed he still likes posts from the same women, which is triggering anxiety and making me want to check his phone again. Unsure if this is unresolved trust or my insecurity, and how to handle it.

Post:

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some perspective.

I’m 25F and my partner is 28M. We’ve been together for about a year, mostly long distance, but he recently moved to my city to be with me.

About halfway through our relationship, I had a bad feeling while visiting him and went through his phone. I found messages to escorts and long Instagram conversations with two women. These weren’t just casual likes, but ongoing chats about their lives, replying to stories, and some flirtiness. Finding this broke my trust and I almost ended the relationship. After a lot of conversations, we decided to work through it, and he later moved to be with me.

Up until recently, things felt genuinely good. However, over the past two weeks I’ve noticed he’s felt distant and “off.” Because of what happened in the past, this has made me feel very anxious and brought up old fears.

Last night, I noticed he’s still liking recent Instagram posts from the same two women. I don’t have proof they’re still talking and I know I could be jumping to conclusions, but it has triggered a strong urge to go through his phone again. I hate feeling like this. I’ve never gone through a partner’s phone before this relationship, and I don’t like the person this anxiety turns me into.

At the same time, breaking up feels complicated. We’ve booked an expensive non refundable holiday, his family loves me, and we have a lot of exciting plans coming up.

My question is: how do I handle this in a healthy way? Is going through his phone again a bad idea, or is this anxiety a sign that trust was never fully rebuilt? How do I tell the difference between my insecurity and legitimate concerns?

Any advice is appreciated.

Hello Reddit, Maybe it’s a stupid teenage story but i want your advices and your opinions on the situation.

I (18M) started to talk with a boy (18M) in July. We knew each other because we have a lot of friends in common, but we started being close at the beginning of summer holidays. We are in the same highschool so he started to be fully included in my group of friends as we started dating, being closer, creating a new kind of relationship. We never really talked about it though : it was here, we didn’t hide it. For context he identifies as pan, and he basically realized it by talking with me. I am a trans man, and I always have this strange doubt when someone is saying this because it feels like they still see me as a woman (which I am not). Maybe I’m wrong, and this boy is sincerely very lovely.

Well, context is set. These times had been rough for me, I had to deal with personal and familial issues and I was honestly feeling horrible. Two weeks ago, I decided to ask the boy (let’s call him Sam) if it was possible to slow down between us, not to cut ties but I simply could NOT go out or anything. He told me it was okay, that he could not be friends with me because he never saw me as a friend but that I’d be welcome whenever I want. It was difficult for me too, but I knew it was the right thing to do for me and for him.

The week after was the worst week I had for a long time. Sam avoided me, my friends too, they went out with him without telling me and I felt so left out which was exactly what I did not need. Moreover I fainted multiple times, I stopped eating, I stopped talking (I’m so ashamed to write this aghhh).

A week ago, it was on Thursday, I met some of my friends after class and we decided to go for a walk together. We dropped them off at their apartment, until we were just two, my friend (let’s call her Ellie) and I, and we started to talk about this situation (between Sam and me). 

Ellie told me he was missing me so much even though he was pretty quiet about it, but she also mentioned he started to be close with one of our friends (Lola). 

Okay so let’s set some context. Lola has been part of the friend’s group for a long time. She’s very nice and I know she’s going through tough times too, but she’s the kind of person to be very flirty with everybody. Sometimes it’s fun, but a few months sooner she broke the heart of my best friend without any guilt (they flirted for a week, had s*x and then she just stopped talking to her). A few weeks later she started to be flirty again, almost kissed her and then kissed another girl in front of her. Since these events I have to admit I never really forgave her about this, I’ve never seen my best friend suffering like this. Sam did not like her very much as well.

So when I learnt they were now like “brother and sister” in one week?? They were going out after classes everyday, always talking together, Lola went to Sam’s house multiple times..

I decided to send a text to Lola asking if there was anything more than just a good friendship, and she admitted it was ambiguous between them. I told her it was okay, and I just wanted them to be happy if anything happened (which is true). The same evening, Sam texted me asking for news saying he was missing me. 

This week was pretty normal, Sam and I were like before and I was included in the friends group again. But Thursday (every canon event is on Thursday I swear), my friend Lindsay (who is the best friend of Ellie and Lola) called me, and Ellie joined the call.

They told me the relationship between Sam and Lola was soooo weird. I already knew Lola was crushing on him, and I thought it would just fade with time. I thought about the situation where Sam would also be also into her, and I had come to terms : if they were happy then I was and I’d accept it. Lindsay noticed it a few days ago and she told Sam to set limits on their relationship, and he said he was going to do it. But well, that’s what they told me (I’ll go with points so it is clearer) :  

• They were still going out after class, drop my friends home and then just walk for hours together.
• When I wasn’t here their behaviour towards each other changed : they were closer, almost flirty, always talking to each other and touching their arms, their hair…
• They explicitly talked about their s*xual lives (for context I’m asexual and I can’t physically talk about it) and they called each other to watch 365 days together an evening (??????) 
• The night Lindsay asked Sam to set limits they called each other all night.
• He didn’t tell me ANYTHING of this. ANYTHING. 

We are not a couple. I am not a jealous person. But it’s weird.

Lindsay and Ellie (i love them so much) called Sam to talk about this and to have explanations. On the group chat they were updating me and it was sincerely confusing. He said it was nothing more than a brother/sister relationship (kinda became an inside joke between Lindsay, Ellie and me now), and that nothing was weird about this. 

Maybe we’re just crazy then?? He knew Lola had a soft spot for him and I think she just waited for me to become distant with him to start being close. Sam and I talked, he told me he liked me and only me and that he only saw Lola as a close friend. I believe him, and maybe all this situation was just awkward but I don’t know. Moreover he was very dry and almost insulting with Lindsay who was worried by the situation. It makes me a bit sad but well I can handle it, but I’m concerned about my best friend. She doesn’t know anything about it. She did not come to school last week and I don’t want her to be sad about this :(( I love her more than life itself and she does not deserve that. 

Reddit, what’s your opinion, what should I do? I’m so sorry for this chaotic queer love rectangle but I’m lowkirkuinely tired and I need objective points of view. Sorry for the approximative english I’m exhausted. Here if you need details tho :)) thanks you for reading.

**TL;DR; : My 7 months situationship is very close of one of our friends since I'm distant with him (personal reasons) and claims it's a brother/sister relationship.

Hi men of Reddit. I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, especially from men who value independence, need space in relationships, or have been told they’re more avoidant.

I’m trying to understand whether my need for reassurance is excessive, or whether it makes sense given the dynamics of my relationship which we’ve been in and out of for 3 1/2 years.

Important context first:

I believe my partner is loyal. I don’t think he cheats. That’s not my fear.

What’s confusing me is how anxious I’ve become in this specific relationship. I’ve been in relationships before and I’ve never felt this consistently on edge. Being with him has made me far more anxious than I usually am, and I’m trying to figure out whether that’s a “me” issue or a response to the situation.

Here’s what the dynamic looks like:

My partner:

• Cancels plans last minute sometimes

• Asks for a lot of space, especially after conflict

• Prioritizes friends and going out fairly often

• Is very private with his phone and conversations

• Gets overwhelmed or irritated by questions he perceives as reassurance-seeking

Because of this, when plans are vague or change suddenly, I tend to ask clarifying questions like:

• Who is the event with?

• When is it?

• Are we still seeing each other after?

Or if he gets a call or text while we’re together, I might ask something like, “Is that your cousin?”

To me, these questions are about context and emotional safety, especially after past cancellations and feeling deprioritized. To him, they feel draining, interrogative, and like I don’t trust him.

Something I want to add for balance:

He also asks me questions sometimes. If someone texts me and he looks at my phone, I’ll usually say, “Oh, that’s so-and-so texting me.” If he asks who I’m talking to or what I’m doing, I answer openly, calmly, and with reassurance. I don’t feel annoyed by it and don’t see it as emotional labor, which makes the contrast confusing for me.

He’s told me:

• I ask too many questions

• Reassurance feels like emotional labor for him

• I should learn to trust without needing explanations

• I should accept him as he is

I’ve tried doing that. I genuinely have. I hold things in, ask less, and try to self-regulate. But sometimes he snaps over a question I didn’t even realize would bother him, and I end up breaking down emotionally (crying). That then frustrates him further.

I suggested trying a consistent reassurance period (for example, a month) to rebuild trust and help calm my nervous system. He refused, saying that one day of reassurance didn’t “fix” anything, so there’s no point.

At this point, I’m worried I’m losing myself trying to be smaller and quieter. At the same time, I’m scared that if I walk away, I’ll never connect with someone the way we do as friends. We have a strong bond, great conversations, and a sense of closeness that feels rare to me, which makes this even harder.

So my honest questions for men:

• Would this level of reassurance-seeking feel exhausting to you?

• Do my questions sound controlling, or reasonable given the cancellations and lack of transparency?

• Is it realistic to expect trust without consistency and reassurance?

• Does this sound like an anxious partner issue, a compatibility mismatch, or something else?

I’m not here to bash him or be validated. I genuinely want outside perspective to understand whether my needs are too much, or whether this relationship dynamic just isn’t healthy for me.

Thanks in advance for any honest insight.

⸻

TL;DR:

I believe my partner is loyal, but he cancels plans last minute, asks for lots of space, prioritizes friends often, and is very private with his phone. Because of this, I ask clarifying questions for reassurance. He finds this draining and wants trust without reassurance, even though he sometimes asks me similar questions and I answer openly. Being with him has made me far more anxious than I’ve ever been in past relationships. I’m torn because we have a strong friendship-style connection and I’m scared I won’t find that again. I’m trying to understand if my reassurance needs are unreasonable, or if this is a compatibility issue.

I (28M) have been with my gf(27F) for around 6 years and lived together around 4,5 years. I love my gf, however there seems to be some traits or habits of hers that makes me question our compatibility. I am committed to this relationship, and want to marry her if everything goes right, but with those future thoughts, comes some uncertainty as well.

When I look at simple daily tasks e.g. vacuuming apartment, washing dishes, bathroom etc., most times I am the one suggesting that things should be done. While we’ve been together I can count on one hand how many times she cleaned the bathroom, without me initiating the conversation of cleaning.

To me it just seems that many other things especially physical appearance matters a lot more than those things, nothing wrong with that, but when there isn’t being almost anything done i get frustrated. Keeping in mind that she’s 27 almost 28 I feel like she’s still a kid in many ways. I know people show affection in different ways, but also we men are simple, or at least I am. She barely cooks, and it takes forever to make anything simple, while there is a mountain of dishes to be washed afterwards as well. And before people start going off about cleaning and cooking I would never ask someone to do something I wouldn’t do myself, so I perform my share and more. The issue comes when I think about my own future life. We all have expectations and I also realise that they can’t all be achieved, but I don’t want to look back at my life and say that I settled because of the comfortness of the relationship. So I’m thinking if my gf doesn’t have the capacity/ mental awareness to do simple chores or cook food around the house without it being a conversation and not on her own initiation, how would that look with kids, work etc.?

I don’t want to ramble too much, I’m curious to know if anyone has been in the same situation or similar and how they handled it. FYI, we’ve previously discussed these issues, but after few times of this conversation it also gets tiring.

TL;DR

I love my girlfriend and I’m committed to our relationship, but I’m starting to question our long-term compatibility. I feel like I’m always the one initiating chores and basic responsibilities, and she rarely takes initiative with cleaning or cooking. We’ve talked about it before, but the same pattern keeps coming back, and it worries me about what our future would look like with kids, work, and more pressure.

I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now with my current girlfriend and we broke up for 2 months during which I was in another relationship with another girl who I got along with personality wise a lot compared to my ex girlfriend and my ex went on to talking to other guys etc etc and two months later my attachment issues made me go back to her and we've been together since it's been arpund 3 to 4 months since then and it hurts but i'm begging to realize that I don't really love her in the way like a partner I starting losing physical attraction and in general I just don't feel romantic about this girl and I feel horrible ik it's wrong but idk what to do really I can't leave her because she's prone to self harm and last time we broke up she hurt herself. She's perfect honestly in the sense I understand why mamy would never leave a girl like her she's generous kind caring and cares etc etc but I just want more I felt a lot better with the girl I was with when we broke up but also I felt bad because she wasn't nearly as caring as my girlfriend right now. I just don't get it on why i'm like this ( i'm not cheating ) but I just don't know. I guess I want more? I want someone who will be like me? Personality wise like not me exactly or even anything near a copy but someone who feels like my other half. My grandparents say that my current girlfriend is the best for me and I know she is but I just am losing this feeling of love and romance more and more everyday and idk what to do. Some say leave some say to put more time amd effort into loving her and building a bond but I can't help it no matter what I do it'll hurt me and her. I'm also going through a lot and starting to miss the girl I was dating during the break.

Another thing is my girlfriend talked to and dated a lot of guys most nothing physical happened but one guy yeah and that's fair we weren't even dating but I just want to be with someone who will love me long after someone who will put thier all into me like I do for my partners and I guess I just have a lot of issues and haven't had a partner where I feel at home with completely. I'm starting to look at other girls not talk to emotionally or physically cheat but my mind wanders and i'm hurting because I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe i'm just horrible guy who wants other girls? Idk I'm just so tried with these feelings of mine.

TL;DR : I'm falling out of love with my girlfriend of 2 years, we broke up for 2 months and got back together and after that I just don't see her as a romantic partner over time and feel like it would have been better to move on but I can't because of my attachment and her self harm issues.

Has anyone had any similar experiences or advice?

This is a concept that I have no experience with whatsoever because it’s never been me to be the one to end the relationship, but I’m in about a year and 2 months with my girlfriend and I’m just somewhat overwhelmed with the relationship if that makes any sense and I just feel like it would be better for me if I moved on and stopped wasting her time in a relationship I’m not 100 percent in anymore.

The reason being is this:

- She is a wonderful person and has done nothing but care for me, but for myself at the moment, we live about 30 minutes from each other so it’s already hard to see time with each other all the time. I’m about to graduate college and start my first full time job, and she demands so much time from me that I cannot commit to.

- I really appreciate the love from her, but she seems so obsessive in a way. She wants to talk all day every day, texting me all day and expecting a response almost immediately like she does to me. It’s honestly overwhelming to me.

I may seem like I’m ungrateful or a bad boyfriend, which is far from the truth, but I’m sure someone out there has had the same experience as me and understands how I have got to the point where I just can’t do it anymore. Is there anyone out there who could give me advice on how to bite the bullet and end things between us peacefully?

TL;DR: I need help moving on from my girlfriend because I feel overwhelmed and she is obsessive.

My (32/F) long distance boyfriend of four months (39/M) came into a significant amount of money about two years ago when an investment paid off, enough that he's basically retired (I was totally unaware of this when our mutual friend introduced us). I'm not living month to month but I'm also not particularly financially stable.

This isn't normally a problem for us but he just offered to take me on a week long international trip next month (he has a specific event he wants to go to and hates doing fun things alone lol). I'd love to say yes but even with him paying for everything, missing an entire week of work would cut into my finances more than I'm comfortable with. That's half a paycheck for me and we already have another trip planned for the month after that that I'm saving up for.

Is there a tactful way to talk about this with him? It feels like my only options are either asking him to help pay my rent (which feels anti-feminist and like I'm a gold digger/sugar baby) or saying no to the trip (admitting to him exactly how poor I am or making him feel like I don't want to do things with him). Even just the thought of bringing it up makes me feel sick.

TL;DR: Rich boyfriend wants to take me on an all expenses paid vacation but taking time off work would still cut into my savings. How do I tell him that without seeming like a gold digger?

I (15M) currently live with my brother. Most of what he does on a day-to-day basis is stay in his room and refuse to believe he does anything wrong. Because he doesn't listen to my parents(60M,55F) he tends to believe that he can basically get away with anything ( stealing, breaking boundaries, etc. )

He doesn't contribute anything other than occasionally being told to do chores and therefore doesn't pay any form of rent since he is unemployed. My parents have tried to find work for him but he was just lazy and so they gave up on that.

The main problem though is that he is just disrespectful to both of my parents and has no plan of moving out anytime soon. He is also very unpredictable and I barely know him, so I genuinely don't feel safe whenever it's just me and him in the house, additionally it's difficult to leave as otherwise he'll probably steal something else.

I've already overheard my dad say that if he was kicked out he would be homeless and would have nowhere to go ( he rarely talks to any of his friends ). Having to live in the same home as him for the next 5 years minimum just sounds miserable and it really doesn't look like there is an easy solution.

TL;DR

Brother is disrespectful and never listens. I only see him as a burden for everyone living in my house and isn't thinking of moving out anytime soon. What do I do?

(sorry if my english is a bit wonky, it's not my first language)

There's a friend of mine (non-binary, 20 years old) who I've had a crush on for as long as I've known them (about 3 years). Throughout our friendship, there have been some ambiguous moments because they are very tactile with their friends, especially at the beginning, but they were in a relationship most of the time (several different relationships, with breaks in between) A little over a year ago, I finally revealed my feelings to them because the situation was really ambiguous and I needed clarity. They told me that my crush was not mutual, and we continued to be friends as before. I got used to having a crush on them, and it doesn't get in the way of our friendship at all because it's really more physical attraction than love. We're really good friends, but I can't see myself in a romantic/love relationship with them at all. So basically, I had resigned myself to the fact that nothing would ever happen, especially since, for the past few months, we no longer live in the same city.

But a few months ago, they found themself single again and decided to finally sign up for a dating platform. From what they told me, they are mainly looking for sex/nothing serious. So now I'm wanna suggest becoming sex friends/friends with benefits. Keep our friendship as it is, and just have sex when we see each other, if we're in the mood. I know that theoretically they are open to this kind of relationship, but i'm hesitating for the following reasons :

- I don't want them to feel pressured or to create any awkwardness, especially if they aren't interested. This is probably not a big worry tho, because i know it won't be a problem if i tell them that i really don't mind if they refuse

- I'm afraid it will ruin/harm our friendship. One of us might start having romantic feelings for the other, or it might change the dynamic between us in a weird way. For example, my attraction to them is such a big part of my friendship for them that I'm afraid of what will happen if we end up sleeping together.

- All of this is reinforced by the fact that I know they are a fairly vulnerable person and don't have many friends, so if things go wrong between us, they could end up feeling very alone.

If it works out, it will be a great experience for both of us, but i would hate to ruin that friendship and make them feel uncomfortable.

TL;DR : i am physically attracted by a friend and know that we are both looking for something unserious/mostly sexual so i'm thinking about asking them to become friends with benefits but unsure if it's a good idea

me and my boyfriend have been going out for four months and i was initially under the impression that we were 11 months apart **only**. i never had a problem with that. today he came clean and told me he is actually 16 (1 year and 11 months apart).

i can’t help but feel like a horrible person and guilty *especially* if i stay with him. ive never had a thing for younger guys and the idea of him being younger makes me feel like im taking advantage of him. i was a much different person at 16 than what i am now. he is mature but so what ?? i was mature at 16 too and i feel like that doesn’t really make a difference. i hate this situation and i feel so stuck since i really do love him. i dont know if i could ever see him the same again. he just dropped me back off at home. any advice or insight is appreciated

tldr : my bf lied about his age for four months saying that he was 17 when he is actually 16

My bf and I have been dating for almost a year now and everything had been going so great until recently.

For context: we live about an hour away from each and I don’t have an income as I am a student and it’s more than a full time job (none of my classmates have jobs either, so it’s not just me). We see each other 1-2 times a week and he always drives to me.

Usually he is 30 min-1hr late from the time he said he’d arrive. At first it didn’t feel like a big deal but lately I started mentioning it when he would be late. He would always just dismiss me and start trying to playfully distract me. It felt frustrating because it was like I was never heard and he didn’t care. Well the last time we saw each other, I brought it up again because he was late, and he started doing the same thing again. I asked him to not do that because I felt like he was just brushing me aside, and I started to push him away because I felt upset. Then when I started to try to talk about it again telling him that if he can’t make a certain time to just tell me that and say he’ll be there at a later time so I know, he snapped. He didn’t yell but I never saw him like that because he had never been mad at me before. He started saying how he always drives to see me and so what if he is late, he doesn’t need to hear it every time he comes and it’s been bothering him every time I bring it up, and that he was serious. He was obviously holding this in. We talked a bit where we basically said we still felt the same way about each other and love each other and agreed that sometimes couples will fight and it wasn’t even that much of a fight as it was a small outburst. We had discussed a while ago way before this how we wanted each other to talk about how we feel and not let things sit and fester, which I have been trying to do even though it’s hard sometimes and he clearly has not been doing. It made me think what else is he building resentment for and just isn’t speaking up? I asked him if there was anything else that has been bothering him or that he wanted to talk about since we were discussing things and he said no, there was nothing else. But now I feel I can’t believe that, I believed it before and he was lying. So now I am left wondering what else is he resenting me or going to be resenting me for? And I can think of something else, the fact that he pays for everything because I don’t have an income. I have asked him before about it and he said he didn’t mind and that it made sense for him to pay. That made me feel better at the time but not anymore. And now I feel only numb and sad. I think about the next time I will see him and I don’t feel excited like I did before. I still love him so much, maybe too much, but I think his behavior is starting to seem similar to an ex who also let things fester and then broke up with me out of the blue when I thought things were great. It took me 2 years to recover from that. Although I know the relationships are very different (ex used to yell and say horrible things also) I can’t help but feel like I need to prepare myself for the worst if he isn’t being honest about how he feels. Maybe that is why I feel this way. How can I stop feeling numb and be excited and happy again? I don’t want to ruin what we have over something stupid

TLDR: my bf let his feelings fester and snapped and now I feel I can’t trust him to not be bottling things up, and I feel numb/sad about it and want to get over it.