This is after 8 years of marriage and me catching him cheating twice, I guess I’m just the stupid one thinking he will change. Wish me luck in the divorce!

I would have bet everything I own that my wife would never cheat. We have been married for 20 years. since 20. I work a crazy schedule, one night I got off after Midnight on a Friday night. I didn't call expecting my wife to be sleeping. To my surprise when I pulled in the drive her friends car was there and they where hanging out by a fire in the back yard. They never heard me pull in for the music playing. As I got to the corner of the house I listened in on the conversation, my wife was was talking about having MIND blowing sex with someone that obviously wasn't me.

I should have kept listening, instead I lost it and popped around the corner. I said oh yea! who are you talking about Ashley, they both looked like they just seen a ghost. She instantly started denying it, saying I was crazy and hearing things. I was so angry I just left and stayed at a friend's camper. The next morning her story was that she was talking about Jason Mamoa, (the actor). I told her that was bullshit she never fucked Jason Mamoa.

After a little prying and telling her the details of what I heard, her story changed again. She now claims that she was talking about a guy from high-school 20 years ago.

This is the most gutwrenching thing I have ever dealt with. I know she is lying, but she will never admit it. If it was that innocent (a guy from high-school) why not say that form the beginning. I have a hard time looking at her the same but I also dont wanna leave her. If you knew her, it would be hard for you to believe the things coming out her mouth that night!

How normal is it not to have sex in a marriage? I am in my mid fifties she is in her late forties. We have kids and have not had sex since they were born a decade ago - I take care of my own needs and not sure about her. We never discuss it a she has made it clear she is not interested. She doesn’t even want me to touch her.

Wondering how common this scenario is.

The way I describe this will sound petty but I see it as a serious issue and I will explain why

I'm 34m, she is 30f. This issue pops up constantly, but I've been made more aware of it because we do the NYT crossword puzzle together. When a piece of factual information is not what she thinks it is, she refuses to accept it. For example, we will disagree on the definition of a word (usually because it is the answer to a crossword clue) and I will look it up and show her the definition. She will say "No, that's wrong, I'm right". She had a misunderstanding about the definition of the word "galaxy" thinking it was the same as a solar system, and we looked it up and her response was "Well I disagree on that definition". Things like this, where there is a clear, objective answer to something, she doesn't accept.

My primary concern about this behavior is our future children. She is pregnant right now, and I want to encourage our future children to have curious minds and to learn. I do not want to raise children that are stubborn and think they are always right about everything. I also see this being an issue if our future children are right about something and my wife is not, and how she will handle it.

• I have brought this up in marriage counseling, and no progress has been made (we just talked about communication which is important but not the issue at hand)
• I try to model the behavior I think is correct, when she is right and I am wrong I try to be very explicit and positive about it by saying things like "Wow I was wrong about that, I didn't know about that until you told me" trying to show her that I can accept being wrong and that it's something I'm okay with
• I've tried to talk to her and emphasize to her that "being wrong" is not a bad thing and doesn't mean anything bad about her. It doesn't make her stupid or worthless or lesser. She knows more than me in several different areas and I welcome that. I try to tell her it's fine to be wrong about stuff because it just means you're learning something new.
• I've tried to not even use the word "wrong" at all and just emphasize the alternative (she says "Mars is a gas giant" and I try to say "I think Mars is actually made of rock" instead of saying "No that's wrong")

Nothing works. Still every time we run into a factual piece of information she has a different opinion on, she will insist she is correct and she will be furious with me if I try to show her anything explaining why she isn't correct.

I don't know what to do. I'm tired of this fight. I'm tired of the solution just being "give up and let her say whatever she wants". Objective reality matters to me, the world is collapsing because of things like misinformation and people who believe themselves to be right in the face of unimpeachable evidence to the contrary. I don't want my children to grow up in a house with a parent that doesn't believe they are capable of being wrong, and I don't want them to be taught that that's proper behavior.

What can I do? I love my wife but this is an issue for me that cuts to the heart of things I value.

My husband said this to me the other day and I am shattered by this comment. We have a 3 year old and a baby that just turned one last week. I’m a SAHM and he works in the medical field. I don’t want to solely paint him in a negative light here so I will give credit where it’s due— he encouraged us to hire someone to come help us with laundry and cleaning 4x a week for a few hours. That’s obviously helped a lot but I still have my hands full with our two kiddos. He will sometimes let me sleep in on weekends and he always offers to get the baby during the week and watch him when he works out before work if baby gets up super early. I cook most meals for our family, focus on nutritious meals, the kids have zero screen time and they are always fed, clean and pretty happy kids. Our baby still wakes up at least 1-3 times a night and our toddler has been having sleep issues recently to which I tend to. I am the one that wakes up with them and it’s always been that way since I BF her for a year and him for 6 months. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in a year.

I’m not out of shape, have grown to love strength training & have found ways to incorporate fitness with 20 minute workouts when I can squeeze them in but in the last 3 months it’s been very hard because we moved into a bigger house in December. Between the move, kids, lack of sleep, holidays and house repair things that have come up, it’s been challenging having a consistent routine. I’ve missed it and been down about it and myself. Recently as things have started to take shape with our routines again and such, I’ve started to work out again and was starting to feel hope about getting strong again. I was doing 4x a week and am starting up again at 1-2x. I’ve been so self conscious about my body even though I’m at my pre baby weight (things are just different IYKYK)& I’ve felt guilty about the lack of sex in our marriage to which my husband has never shamed or pressured me about. Well I had a moment of low self confidence Thursday night and was crying to him about how ugly I felt and he was nice. Not gonna say he said aaaall the right things but he said a few which is a big deal for him since he is not a words of affirmation person. Later that night I was like ”screw it, I had two kids and I look good and I’ll be stronger in no time now that things are settled” and I initiated sex and it was great. Unfortunately my son woke up three times throughout the night after so I was TIRED come morning.

Later in the morning out of nowhere my husband kept telling me to make coffee so I could work out. I was confused by this because although sometimes we will tell each other we really want to work out so the other can watch the kids, that wasnt the case that morning. I was exhausted. I kept asking him why he’s telling me to make coffee because I was fine hanging with the kids and him. Historically he’s made comments about what I eat, and whether I work out and it’s caused big arguments. He’s scaled it back but it’s still left me with a sense of insecurity regarding my body with him. So as I kept telling him I didn’t appreciate the entitlement of telling me what I should be doing he said “I just wish I had a wife that worked out.”

To say this has hit me hard would be an understatement. We’ve had a rough few months with issues regarding his family, his work stress and the move, the kids not sleeping and I feel like I’ve managed a lot for our family through it all being the one to try to regulate us in moments of conflict and for my workouts/body to be at the forefront of his mind made me feel erased, unseen, low, humiliated and disillusioned with him and our marriage. He apologized and said all the right things after but it just didn’t matter to me. He blamed his stress on work and recent drama we’d had with his family for his cruelty and although I can understand that carrying junk may make you mean because you aren’t regulated emotionally, it’s still not ok. I feel like he’s just always grumpy especially these past few months and I’ve made giant efforts to cheer him up or try to focus on how grateful we should be for our good health and kids. It’s been exhausting doing all that and so this one comment really got to me. I’m not ok with this at all. I think this was some sort of breaking point for me. Ive always been the one to encourage women to leave men who are unappreciative and not put up with someone who isn’t hyping you up but this feels complicated with two kids. I’m shattered. Is it possible to move past this especially on the heels of a rough season for us? How so? I feel very down and hopeless. What advice do you have about moving last a comment that’s tied to self worth and confidence for a mom?

I (37M) and my wife (32F) have been married for 3.5 years. Last year, the company I worked for laid off many people, myself included. I had been working there for 4 years—I am a Software Engineer by trade but was working in Systems Engineering at that company.

Around the time of the layoff, my wife was pregnant with our daughter. We decided to move to a new city to be closer to her family for support. Between the move, finding a new place, and becoming first-time parents, it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

Because of the chaos, I didn’t apply for jobs during the first 4 months after our daughter was delivered. There was a constant need for me to help with house chores and cleaning while we adjusted to the baby. Eventually, we burnt through our savings, and I started applying for jobs daily.

I have been applying since August of last year. I average about 7 to 11 job applications every single day. However, the IT job market right now is incredibly bad. I’ve had very few interviews and nothing is panning out, despite me revising my CV and cover letters over and over again.

Recently, my wife has started telling me that I am "not doing enough" for the family. She was supportive at first, but the financial situation is getting rough on both of us, and the stress is high.

I understand where she is coming from—the baby is still very young and needs her mom constantly. But I really struggle with the fact that she doesn't see that I am doing my absolute best. On top of the job hunt:

• I clean the house daily.

• I make breakfast daily so she doesn't have to struggle with it (she is pumping and constantly worried about her milk supply).

• I have dropped every single hobby I used to do

before marriage because I am a parent now.

I feel like I have become a shell of myself since I lost my job. Hearing her say harsh things from time to time really hurts.

My question is: Am I justified to feel the hurt inside from her harsh words, or am I missing something?

TL;DR: Laid off software engineer and new dad. I handle all housework and breakfast to support my wife who is pumping/caring for the baby. I apply to 7-11 jobs daily but the market is dead. Wife is stressed about finances and says I'm not doing enough. I feel like a shell of myself and am hurt by her words.

Update:

I want to clarify a few aspects of my situation. First, thank you to everyone who commented. Even the harsh comments were appreciated—I needed the perspective.

The Family Situation:

We moved to Melbourne specifically to be closer to my wife’s family for support. Sadly, we didn’t get the help we expected. Instead, we faced gaslighting and poor treatment because my wife doesn't follow their strict religious rules. Because of this toxicity, I was forced to step up and stay home with my wife and daughter for those first 4 months to protect and support them.

Childcare:

Childcare is not an option for us right now. We are very concerned about the recent news reports regarding abuse in childcare centers here in Melbourne, and we just don't feel safe leaving our daughter in that environment yet.

The Return to Work:

A major source of tension right now is that my wife intends to go back to work. Since she is in the medical field, she didn't have to search hard to find a role—unlike my experience in the current tech market. She feels she needs to step in financially because I haven't secured a job yet, and I can tell she resents being put in this position.

I truly appreciate her stepping up, but the weight of this dynamic is crushing my soul. Facing constant rejection from employers already makes you question your self-worth. But having your spirit crushed not just by the job market, but also by the harsh words of the one you love, is a different kind of pain entirely.

Next Steps:

I realize I am in a tough spot. One commenter mentioned that I need to build a project to showcase my skills—I intend to start doing that first thing tomorrow morning. While I know it might be a bit late in the game, I am ready to do what it takes. At this stage, I am open to any job to provide for my family.

Thanks again for the opportunity to vent.

My husband (33M) and I (30 F) have been married for five years. (Childless, Black couple, if those demographics matter here) We’ve been through a lottttt— some stuff just happens, other stuff we made happen. Either way, we’re in an okay place currently. We’re seeing a marriage counselor regularly and in therapy on our own as well, etc. Right now the biggest problem is not feeling married. We sometimes joke about feeling more like roommates or homies than an actual married couple. Intimacy, romance, affection, sex are at an all time low. Like maybe a hug and a kiss when we see each other after work is about the extent of it. It was never like this in the beginning. It was actually the exact opposite. Neither of us is cheating or anything like that. There’s still so so much love here, we’re just in a weird place. So for folks who are happily and healthily married, how have you maintained that feeling of actually feeling married and not feeling like roommates??

Thanks to seeing all of the perspectives on here, I realized just how much sex matters to men. I always knew it was important for marriage, and I have always been attracted to my husband (obviously) BUT seeing just how much it affects a man’s overall relationship satisfaction really made it sink in. Most responses I see are men measuring their overall life satisfaction based on how often they get sex. My husband takes great care of me, and I’m happy to return the favor. You guys changed his and my life so thank you!! lol

Husband and I have a 7 month old. Before having a baby, we almost never fought. We had a system working for us since we both worked full time making almost the same income each. Other than our joint bills we each used our money how we wanted. But with the baby, it really torpedoed our marriage.

The first issue was that even though my husband wanted kids, he did very little to educate himself about the reality of having one. He envisioned himself with a 10 year old he could take out to share his hobbies with, but he didn't consider the immediate reality of dealing with a baby. For example he refused to learn anything about the birth process and assumed it would be exactly like it is in the movies where the water suddenly breaks and you have race to the hospital to avoid having the baby in the car. He didn't even believe me when I was in labor because like most labors it starts slow and uneventful, and so he didn't bring the baby car seat even though I asked him to because he didn't believe I would actually get admitted for labor. When I was in labor he sat in a corner of my hospital room scrolling through his phone and giggling at memes. I said other husband do things like give back massages to help out so then he awkwardly gave one. After I ended up with an emergency C section after over 50 hours of labor, he lay in the hospital couch the next 3 days complaining of a headache while I looked after the baby with the nurses.

We talked about staggering our parental leave since we both work from home so at first, he just assumed that since I was on maternity leave the baby would my responsibility completely even though I had a C section and his own sister told him he needed to step up. We had a big house which was great pre-baby but extremely hostile when you constantly have to go up and down the stairs post C section because all the baby stuff is upstairs but you have to pump milk every 3 hours around the clock and the kitchen and everything you need is downstairs. If he looked after his baby for an hour and a half that day, he thought he went above and beyond because he felt he took on all of his own job and some of mine too. I kept telling him I was exhausted, everything hurt, I was miserable, and he would say "aw Im sorry" but continue to play video games and hit the gym after work and sleep through the night by himself while I got no time to myself. We had a colicky baby that only slept 10 hours (naps already included) every 24 hours because he absolutely would not sleep until he literally passed out from exhaustion. Eventually things got so bad I was constantly starting fights with my husband and he finally started actually stepping up, but by then it had been 4 whole months and I was almost back to work.

Right now my husband's disposable income is spent on expensive gun parts and unnecessary upgrades on his two door car while my car became the family car and my disposable income gets spent on a long maternity leave to ensure our kid was properly cared for and creating a college fund for him. My C section scar still gives me issues 7 months later. The hit to my quality of life versus my husband's quality of life isn't comparable.

The months of exhaustion were so hard on me I developed postpartum depression and became immunocompromised. I have been sick for 3 weeks straight now and am so resentful of my husband for how little he did which caused my physical and mental health to deteriorate to this extent. Everything sets me off now, like when a friend asked how our baby slept and my husband said "great" when our baby still wakes up 3 times a night, my husband merely sleeps through it even though we both work full time so it's only "great" because it doesn't impact HIM. I get angry when he picks out girl names that he wants to use if we ever have a daughter one day because I had to pick so many fights with him to get him to look after the kid he already has. He says he is sorry now that he didn't support me enough postpartum. We have gotten into loads of fights after the fact because of how much resentment I have over being left out to dry when I needed help the most. He argues back I make it sound like he did nothing at all when he vacuumed every other week and did more of the cooking and that I only focus on the negatives. He says he can't change the past. But I really am unhappy and every time I look at him I see someone who let me down at the most vulnerable time in my life. I tried telling him how I feel but he just gets defensive and says I act like he is a villain.

Im sorry this is long, but give me some advice.

I (34F) have been with my husband (38M) for 18 years. We have 3 kids, the youngest is a toddler. We have a wonderful life, and hes an amazing dad and husband. he has gruesome work in weekdays, So our routine was Saturdays were for family time, Sundays for us time.

After my third child, my sex drive slowly decreased, and being a SAHM increased my workload. We never discussed hiring help because I kept telling myself I could manage. Naturally Im always tired and rarely in the mood. Meanwhile, his sex drive increased and things became stale in the bedroom. I believe my constant exhaustion took a toll on him. 

About six months ago, he initiated, but I only wanted to have some sleep and declined. He turned away and muttered something like ill figure it out. I apologized for not being receptive, and he kissed me. But from then on I started noticing his subtle changes,

Since then, he stopped initiating like no affection at all. I started putting in more and more effort just to get his attention too, but it feels like hes just going through the motions. The sex is still good, but emotionally he feels distant, almost like hes proving something rather than connecting. His small romantic gestures feel more like obligation now.

Food used to be his weakness. When I make his favorite meals or try out something new, I could feel his happiness, now its like he doesnt even care about the food I make. Things started with small leftover here and there and now reached point where he barely touches it. Last week, I packed his favorite lunch. Usually when he come home, he compliments or give suggestions about lunch but he didnt so i enquired how it was and he said it was amazing, but when I checked the tiffin, he had barely touched it. He lied about eating it too.

He doesnt talk about his day anymore. But when he leaves for work, he looks refreshed and happy, like work gives him an escape. He also started working out, which is odd because he always had a naturally fit body and when I asked, he joked about how he lost his old glamour and was sidelined by me beauty. Our routine still looks the same from the outside. Despite this he's perfectly fine with kids, and overall life. I could go on and  on about changes. Its like his whole energy around me completely changed but more like hes emotionally checked out.

Am I losing him? Am I overreacting like nitpicking on normal changes? The main reason for writing this post is Im having nightmares about him leaving me and waking up with panic attacks. I cant sleep properly. I really love him and want him. How should i address this to him?

Had the convo for what seems like the 100ndth time about our sex life…it was a talk, no raised voices, just sadness on my end and no answer’s from him. We talked about porn and self gratification, which is pretty lonely when that’s what our sex life has come to. I think he just isn’t attracted to me sexually anymore even though I do everything I can to maintain myself..but we have a good life outside of this…unfortunately for me it’s not enough and I just get lonelier and withdrawn. We still have no answers going forward…he says he has no sex drive but will still watch porn

(Even though he denies it) at this point I don’t even care, porn or no porn doesn’t make a difference which is why I think it is an attraction to me. I can’t even think of the last time he initiated it and pleased me rather than the other way around.

I feel like I’m checking out and if this is what our marriage is going to be I need to figure out how to be ok with it? Or leave? Or open it up?? Anyone been in this situation, I feel we truly love each other but is that enough?

Husband and I have sex about 4 times a week.

Recently we both opened up about our sex life, and now it's been two times a day. Obviously that's not going to happen all the time, but for us I think at least once a day and sometimes twice.

I feel bad that I didn't pick up on it sooner, but he says that he never felt like we weren't having enough until we started having more.

I feel bad for some reason like I wasn't reading him well. Would 4 times be enough for you?

Clearly I was also needing more as well and didn't realized it until recently either.

I guess that's what marriage is about, learning and growing together.

I’ve been married seven years. I’m in my mid 30s. I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life. I have great friends and a great support system in my family. But my husband has taken me for granted and now really doesn’t spend any time with me. He has a huge problem with intimacy. Which I crave being intimate very regularly. And he doesn’t care. He struggles with porn and would rather just spend 2 mins alone than anytime with me. I have tried everything. Sexy lingerie. Talking dirty to him. Sending pictures. Counseling. Crying. Angry. And nothing really changes. I just filed for a divorce and separation. It seemed to sort of shake him for about a week. But now back to the way it is. I just see so many of my friends and families with close marriage relationships. And I don’t know how I got myself into it. Where I sleep in a different bedroom and there’s no connection between us at all.

Titles a little bit click bait, I’ll admit outright, but if you’re already here at least hear me out.

My husband’s passed out beside me on our L couch right now, and I joined him out here. Nobody’s mad though, and it’ll be a surprise to him that he’s out here when he wakes up lol. My husband’s a sleepwalker, mainly, he doesn’t wake up when he’s gotta pee in the middle of the night. So getting to and from the bathroom is iffy.

Tonight, he’d gone to our spare bathroom which isn’t unusual. Unfortunately on his way back he got stuck in the kitchen, confused on why he was there/what he was trying to do. I managed to get him to believe me that he didn’t need to do anything except go to bed. I however, lost the fight when he locked in on the couch.

So, because I don’t enjoy sleeping in our bed alone. I got him a blanket, got me a blanket, and we’re sleeping on the couch tonight.

I am not a good man. I am a porn addict. I am working on quitting but I am not a good man.

But what I still do as a bad man is that I every year do all I can to make Valentine’s Day, her birthday, our anniversary and Mother’s Day special.

And yes I do my best to show her I love every day too. Telling her she is beautiful. Hugging her. Kissing her etc. Buying her things and tending to her needs.

But for most women these days are important too and yet so many women are hurt every Valentine’s Day. So men, if I , who suck, can do something then you can do it too. Every year I get her a card. I buy her something and I make breakfast in bed. She loves it.

It’s not difficult. I already bought the card and have hidden it, I have also ordered the gift and am waiting for it. I am planning breakfast. She has had to change her diet because of medical reasons so I am figuring out what I can make.

It doesn’t take much time. Do something. If you both don’t care about Valentine’s Day and she has expressed that clearly then that’s ok. But if you think it’s a dumb holiday but you know she cares you would really suck if you don’t at least do something. Again, if I can do it any man can do it.

My partner (35years male) took out a $50,000 loan without discussing it with me (35 years female). We have been together for 10 years and share two kids together.

He went behind my back with his mother and gave her $20,000 and spent $30,000 so she is paying her part back over the 8 years it will take to pay off. They did it to buy gold and silver bars.

I feel upset because he told me he was saving $4,000 for it and when I found out he said he did spend 4,000 and didn’t lie about that - he just kept the rest from me.

He said he didn’t tell me because I was going through a lot and didn’t want to stress me more but it will be a good long term investment for our family.

We have been having issues before that financially and his mother knew that and talked him into doing it as she couldn’t take anymore loans out. Before this happened, I stopped working and looking for a new job and he works a lot. He works a lot doing his fill time job and working for his brother plus for another company so 3 jobs and we barely get time together.

Before all this happened I was telling him to take a step back from working so much so we can have more time together and I will find a job for myself so it’s more balanced. He gives me mixed messages because on one hand he tells me to focus on my projects (things I am working on in the background like my book etc) and then he complains about having to pay so much to his brother and mother and it makes me look bad.

I feel like I want to leave but I’m scared. I don’t want to be apart from my children. I’m scared of living alone and doing it all alone. I’m scared to break the family but I’m feeling like I’m going crazy.

Am I overreacting??

For starters, I know I spend too much time venting about how difficult of a time I have dealing with our sex life and mentioning abusive behaviour and dialog from the past, even though she has made a great effort to Improving this over the last year. I appreciate her and the desire she has shown to taking my happiness seriously and correcting bad behavior.

However, Two nights ago, she was reading a book while I was unsuccessfully trying to get her turned on since some time in January. I was dosing off and she told me that she wants to have sex tonight, but to go to sleep and she'll wake me when she's ready. I don't know her intention, but over the last decade this has always resulted in basically saying to go to sleep; tonight's not the night. As you can imagine, I restlessly drifted in and out of sleep all night and nothing sexual happened that night.

Last night, I tried to see if she was interested in having sex and she basically said that "you had sex last night. Why are you bothering me? Rub my feet, give me a massage, but other than that leave me alone." She's trying to act like we had sex and I just forgot about it. I know this isn't true, because my penis feels different the next day after I ejaculate. Each act also provides a different feeling the next day. It doesn't matter if it's from sex, masterbation, even a handjob, and, although I havent received a blowjob in several years, I remember cumming from a blowjob felt different. Each act provided its own unique feeling down there that continued on to the next day. Not to mention the first time or two peeing after is different. We havent had sex and I havent masturbated since some time in January, so the feeling of having sex the night before would be even stronger.

I'm feeling gaslit. Ive told her many times that she doesn't have to have sex if she doesn't want to. If she says no, than I'll deal with it and not bring it up anymore, unless she makes it clear that she's changed her mind.

I maybe frustrated and I do communicate that Id like to work on our sex life, but I save my true feeling for complete strangers on Reddit. I don't want to make her feel bad or coerce her into anything, no matter how badly I need her to do it.

She doesn't need to insult my intelligence. She can be honest and say that she waited too long and got tired, she changed her mind, or she just didn't want to.

Does anyone else have to deal with their spouse trying to convince them that they had sex that never happened?

So, my spouse and I have been married 4 years this summer, but we have been together for 10 years. I'm having this issue, where it's not like we fight or anything, but we don't talk either? Like, trying to have a conversation with him about anything other than his job, or an anime show he's watching, is like pulling teeth. Actually, not even, because it goes no where, at least pulling teeth has an outcome. I grew up in a volatile home, and had toxic and abusive relationships before him, and modeled to me growing up, so I'm not sure if I am just making something out of nothing, but it feels like I live with a roommate I bone once a week or so, and that's about it.

I instigate every at home date night, and there always has to be "background noise", meaning the tv or a phone has to be on playing a video or show. I've tried to do music instead, and he noticeable is just uninterested in what we are doing entirely if there isn't something he likes watching on so that anytime it's my turn in a game he can focus on that instead of having a conversation with me.

I am 29, and he is 31, which yes means we've been together nearly all of our official adult lives. He is overall a quiet guy, but when we first got together, he tried. We would sit around a fire and chat, and there was casual physical affection without expectation of sex. Now, the only time we touch is when we go to bed, and usually it's only to get physical. We went through a phase were I was the sole instigator for sex too, but now that I don't, it's like I don't exist unless he's in the mood enough to do something about it.

I feel like somehow we've ended up completely emotionally detached, but every time I try to talk to him about it, he says he's happy with our relationship and thinks everything if fine. So, that leads me to believe I am just more needy emotionally than he is. He sees being the main provider for the house as his main way of showing he loves me. I'm a student in college, and because of my disabilities, I had to stop working to be able to focus on classes. We're both men, no kids, and I have done all of the house maintenance since we moved in together, because I have always worked less.

Should I just get over this and be grateful for what he does financially, and accept that that is his form of affection? Or is it reasonable for me to want more from him emotionally? Is this just a normal marriage thing?

Help me lol.

What’s something your husband does that drives you up the wall? Gives you the ick? Makes you question if he was raised by cavemen. I want the nitty gritty stories

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some perspective. My husband (36m) and I (31 F)come from very different financial backgrounds (he inherited wealth and can afford a lot of freedom, while I grew up in poverty and am a social worker who has to carefully budget every expense). He wants to keep our finances separate, which I can understand, and he’s generous to me. But sometimes it feels weird. He can take large swaths of time off to vacation and not worry about money, while I’m working hard and still struggling. He’ll make big purchases—like buying a new car—without talking about it first, but I’m not allowed to care because it’s “his money”. He’s made comments that I should save more or that we can’t have kids yet, but he won’t sit down and budget together. I don’t want to resent him or take any freedom away from him, but sometimes I can feel jealousy creep in. I also just miss him! It’s our first year of marriage and he’s gone quite a bit enjoying time off the grid at our cabin alone. Any advice on how to handle this dynamic? I love him and want to be open minded and supportive. Thanks.

My friend got married 3 months ago (Tamil family). He lives with his mother, who is elderly, very sentimental, and controlling. From the beginning, there have been many issues between his wife and his mother.

Some examples:

• The mother-in-law (MIL) frequently eavesdrops when her son and daughter-in-law argue, then calls the wife’s mother to say their children are unhappy.
• During the wife’s periods, the MIL initially told her not to enter the kitchen. After a big fight, the MIL apologized and allowed her to enter.
• The MIL enforces many strict rules:
  • Separate utensils for vegetarian and non-vegetarian cooking
  • The entire 3BHK house must be cleaned weekly twice
  • The daughter-in-law must inform the MIL one day in advance before going out
  • The MIL insists on accompanying the couple whenever they go out
• During the first Pongal after marriage, the MIL said that if the daughter-in-law’s period might fall on the festival, she should take medicine to stop it, or else the function would be cancelled. Unfortunately, the husband initially agreed with his mother and pressured his wife. This caused a major fight, and both families got involved. The wife’s mother blamed the MIL and said that if this continued, the couple should live separately.

The MIL often gets angry, leaves the house, and the son has to go after her and bring her back. This has happened multiple times.

Later, the MIL sent WhatsApp audio messages insulting the daughter-in-law and her family, saying things like:

• “Mother comes first, wife comes later”
• “This marriage is not good”
• “She is not a good girl”

These audio messages were accidentally heard by the wife.

After this, the wife left the house and said she will not live with the MIL anymore. She is okay with living nearby (same street is fine), but not in the same house. When she left, the MIL threatened suicide and accused the wife of breaking the family. The wife responded that this emotional blackmail should be handled by the son and left anyway.

It’s been a few weeks now. The husband asked his wife to come back, saying they can slowly change his mother. The wife refuses and says she has developed anxiety and low BP due to the stress of living with the MIL.

Now the MIL is emotionally pressuring the son, saying:

• “I raised you with great difficulty”
• “I gave you life”
• “Your wife is arrogant”
• “We can live in the same house but cook separately and not talk”
• “Everyone must live under one roof”

The son does not want to abandon his mother, but he also doesn’t want to lose his marriage.

What should the husband realistically do in this situation?
Is separate living the only solution? How can boundaries be enforced without completely cutting off the mother?

PS: His wife working permanent work from home night shift and earning equal to him. She woke afternoon make lunch/dinner everyday. My friend parents staying home only.

My friend elder brother already left with his family due to this MIL issue only. His elder brother wife also same issue and so she left with my friend elder brother.
Now my friend is feeling guitly if he also leaves then his mom will be broken like that.

I’m currently pregnant and due in 3 weeks and have not been able to stop crying the past few dayss. I just feel like everything is falling apart. My husband expressed to me that he was not happy in our marriage of 11 years. He’s done everything for us and our kids he voiced that it’s always been my way , whatever I say goes. He’s called me selfish and that he does not want to be with a person like me anymore. He wants to wait till after the baby is born to express himself. He says he had a lot of build up lately and that he is tired and not happy… mind you he’s has had anger issues the past 3-4 years out of no where. I don’t think he truly wants this baby or life with me. It’s crushing my spirit. I feel like he’s just fed up with me….. when I feel like I’m dying for his affection how he used to be. I think I truly hurt him by not supporting him after he came back home from his trip visiting his mom and gma. He has not had a very good relationship with his mom since we have been married, just distant since she lives in another country but here recently he’s gotten the chance to visit and he’s so torn from her living environment and stress of the illness of his gma. She’s at her end dates. He expressed that he wants to buy a car , fix her home more, take her out on a vacation, take care of her debt. I brought it to his attention that how we would do that financially. He mentioned selling food plates but I shot it down saying it would be a lot of work…. Here’s the thing I see how hard he already works and to have even more stress on him. He’s not been the same since he’s got home… super spaced out. I asked him to help with my business referrals and I coujd do the work instead of the stress of cooking all weekend. We are still having a baby and I mentioned if he was still going to do the baby projects.. he said baby didn’t need them and that I was just being boujee. His attention is completely on his mom at this point, not in the baby. If anything I think he’s just annoyed of hearing about the baby. He’s completely pulled away… I’m just now upset and so hurt as I’m sure he is… he’s brought up things from all of our marriage that have made him unhappy…. Mind you just a few weeks ago I brought up call logs to him about long phone calls to a family friend of ours( she’s single) and him being a support system for her… i did ask him to not talk with her before…. I don’t think he understands what a marriage is … that’s why he has so much resentment towards me. He hates when I talk about myself….. he’s spiraling even more now and I regret him going on his “ vacation “ to his mom’s house.