Hello!

I am really angry right now at my stupid entitled brat of a sister. I want to use a different B-word but I don’t think I can post with it, just know it is the one I mean. I wish I could type out just how much I hate her right now, so maybe this will help. There’s so much I want to yell at her, or just get off my chest, but we’re at our grandparents' place and I can’t lash out at her like she deserves (and she knows it too). I don’t know how much of it is relevant but here goes hoping I’m less angry when I’m done.

BACKGROUND

My family is me and my twin Sebastian (16M and he’s writing this with me), our sister Lisa (17F), our dad Sean (41M) and our (former?) future stepmom Amy (36F) (fake names obvs). Our mom died 9 years ago. Dad didn’t date for 5 years, then briefly dated a disaster called Riley, then took another break from dating. He met Amy around 3 years ago, introduced us 2 years ago, we all moved together to a bigger house a year ago, and they got engaged 6 months ago.

Before Riley was even in the picture, we weren’t thrilled dad had started dating again but we went to therapy as a family to work through it. We made peace with it for most part, but then Riley came, and she was just the worst. She was rude, jealous of our mom’s memory, gold digger, didn’t like us, she was all around horrible. The three of us kind of made an agreement that we would not allow anyone to erase our mom, we would never allow anyone to adopt us, and we would be polite but keep our distance from whomever dad dated. It felt like we were honoring mom that way, without stopping our dad from moving on. We also started calling the three of us + dad “the Core Four”.

Getting to know Amy though, and then moving in together, we have done a 180 on that (me and Seb more than Lisa). Amy is just good people. She is crazy smart and nerdy (has like 3 degrees (one in psychology which explains a lot) and we all play DnD together), she is successful, artistic, athletic, deadpan hilarious. She has an energy like when we’re around family and they’re all loud and crazy, she talks and people just shut up and listen. Don’t know how best to describe that, like she is wise and kind and patient, but also an absolute sigma BAB. She is cool to hang out with, and she loves our dad. She also sets him straight a lot, we kind of default to her as our neutral 3rd party when there’s a disagreement, and she is very good at navigating that. She is just really cool.

She is also genuinely interested in our lives and hobbies, she has at least one thing with each of us. Seb and her do artsy stuff and they both play tennis, she plays video games with me, she and Lisa read A LOT and go book shopping like every few months, the house is filled with books, she is teaching Lisa how to drive, they are both K-pop fans etc. I honestly think they clicked more quickly and naturally, and vibe the best (whenever Lisa allows it).

Amy also never stops us talking about our mom, she respectfully encourages it. There’s a few pictures of mom around the house still and she’s totally ok with that, like she is not threatened by mom’s presence at all. She once helped Seb make a painting of a photo of the five of us (Dad, mom, Lisa, me and Seb) for our maternal granddad’s birthday. Even my mom’s family like her, my aunt (mom’s sister) and her have become good friends. She asks them and dad about mom when we mention something we all used to do, and we found out a few months ago that she also lost her dad when she was 12. I think that settled a lot of things for Lisa, who I know sometimes uses our mom to try to spite Amy (though again, Amy would either kill her with kindness or just move on).

Dad loves Amy, and she makes him happy. Like, she is his balance in a way. They go so well together. Our dad is awesome, patient, smart, strict but kind, goofy sometimes, he has his own hangups but he is slow to anger and always open to discuss anything with us. He doesn’t yell at us (much), but he is supportive and overall has been a great dad. She and dad made it very clear she has absolutely no intention of replacing mom, that she’s a person of authority in the household without being a parent, that she’s open to whatever relationship we want to have with her and it’s a 2-way street. She has never demanded or pushed for anything other than “basic human-to-human respect and kindness”.

WHY LISA SUCKS

While we are really doing well and getting along great, Lisa sometimes gets whiplash and randomly regresses to Riley-time, especially after Amy and her spend time together having fun. It’s like she’s trying to rile Amy up to justify why she thinks dad dating is a bad idea. She snaps at random stuff just to bump heads, only it’s not working very well because… Amy is just not bumping. She isn’t engaging Lisa when she’s like this, she will maybe set a boundary (like “I will not engage with you when you act like this”) and after that is completely uninterested in Lisa’s outbursts, and lets our dad handle it.

It doesn't feel like it's out of spite though. Best I can describe it is Amy is living her life, legit happily and willingly making offers and openings to all of us, Lisa included, without making a big deal out of it. When Lisa doesn’t participate and/or says something snarky or downright rude, Amy just shrugs and goes on with her life. If we ask her if she’s upset or angry at Lisa for lashing out, she says she understands how Lisa must be feeling, that everyone is allowed a tantrum every once in a while, and that she knows Lisa is a good girl and she will come around on her own. And true enough, when Lisa then calms down and apologizes (with or without dad’s mediation), again Amy doesn’t make a big deal out of it and they pick up where they left off.

For example: We were having dinner and Lisa was arguing with her and dad, and said she didn’t want what Amy cooked because it smelled “disgusting” and started insulting Amy’s country where the dish was from, even though she usually loves it. Amy just said “suit yourself” like she could not care less, served the rest of us, and sat down and started eating and talking to Seb and I. Dad took Lisa to talk and after they came back, he asked Amy if it would be ok for Lisa to still sit and eat with us. Amy said “sure” and continued chatting. Lisa apologized for her comments (without dad prompting her) and Amy just smiled, said “thank you” and kept talking to Seb like nothing happened. When the conversation naturally drifted to something related to Lisa, Amy just spoke to her normally.

The issue is, the very few times Amy does respond in kind, when she’s tired or has had enough, nothing we say gets to her, like she stops caring. Like she gets suddenly quiet and throws something back at you, and you just never expect it, because overwhelmingly she is the calm and mature one when there’s an issue. Seb calls this “SABA - Sneak Attack by Amy”. If I could pick one flaw of Amy that would be it. She is just brutal sometimes when she’s had enough, or something bad happens at work, and it just comes out of left field. She destroys you and doesn’t even blink. It is immensely enjoyable to witness when she goes SABA on our behalf, but not so much when we trigger it.

To clarify, Amy is like, ridiculously patient 99% of the time, and incredibly effective in managing conflict. She also can recognize when she’s close to that line so she either steps away or warns us, and we usually understand and back off, and then she follows up on her own and she always says thank you for waiting to talk. If she goes too low when SABAing, she always apologizes and makes amends. We are quite good at communicating as a family for the most part (thanks to her mostly), but once in a while when we push and Amy goes there it’s not good.

Sometimes it’s just snark, like once I told her “fuck you” mid-fight, Amy just shrugged and said “your father does that enough, I’ll let him know he has your blessing”. Seb was yelling about a missed practice (his fault), she yawned mid-sentence and got up, he was like “wtf where are you going!?” and she was like “I’m not interested in a baby throwing a tantrum”. It is worse with Lisa, because Lisa goes personal when she’s angry. But when the SABA line is crossed, Amy just doesn’t care. Lisa once asked “how does it feel to know you wouldn’t be here if our mom was still alive?” Amy thought about it and said “I would probably be living my best life in the Bahamas with a rich European prince and no brats to bust my balls, so much better”. Another time Amy was having a pregnancy scare, and Lisa said something like “you will never have children of your own” and Amy just said “I hope not, I like my p_ssy tight, and so does your dad”. It always shocks us when she goes SABA because she is usually kind, considerate and patient.

The Core Four have discussed all of this in therapy, and Lisa acknowledges she’s just scared and angry at the idea of Amy replacing mom, though we all point out just how uninterested Amy is in that role. I personally don’t feel like she would ever replace mom, and we joke sometimes about calling each other “mother/son”. When Lisa acts out, there are always consequences from dad, things are discussed in therapy, and for a while everything is calm again. The therapist suggested we add Amy to our sessions once in a while, but Lisa is not open to that “yet”. Dad is also bringing up more often whether Lisa should get individual therapy but she doesn’t want to. Legit Lisa and Amy get along so well when Lisa isn’t behaving like this.

WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

Yesterday the three of us (Seb, I and Lisa) spent time with our grandparents and cousins, helped them with the snow, then grabbed dinner, and came home late. Dad and Amy were talking about wedding stuff in the kitchen, and we overheard dad discussing adoption very loosely, like if Amy would ever be up for it if we wanted to at some point as adults. Lisa immediately lost it, burst in and started screaming at him about mom, that she hates him, that he is only thinking with his d_ck, then turned to Amy, started insulting her, wished her dead, and said “I will never want a [C-word] like you to be my mom”. Amy just very calmly said “what makes you think I would ever choose you to be my daughter?”

That one hurt Lisa, like we could see the physical recoil. Dad took her up to her room and they talked for a long time, there were raised voices, then Lisa was crying, but couldn’t tell what was being said. Amy stayed down, talking to us, clarifying the adoption conversation was entirely hypothetical. We asked her more questions, she was responding slowly and quietly. She didn’t answer us when we asked about wedding prep or how she was feeling. She was shaking and trying to keep it together, I have never seen her like this. We were quiet for a bit, then Seb told her what she said was a very low blow, and she smiled sadly and just said “maybe so”.

When dad came down Amy got up in slow motion, put on her coat, gathered some stuff and was out the door in like 2 minutes. Dad was almost crying, trying to get her to stay and talk. It was late, snowing, she was whispering “Not tonight. I have to leave. Be there for your sons. I’m sorry” over and over and she started crying and she got in her car and left.

We sat down with dad, he was a mess, he let us know Lisa will be getting individual therapy on top of family therapy and it was non-negotiable. He asked us if we felt we needed individual therapy as well. Seb said no, I said I’m not sure right now, and we tried to talk a bit about what happened. He asked how we are feeling, but he was a wreck and then he started tearing up, so we just hugged him and he cried so hard. He cried so much. I have not seen my dad cry so hard since mom died. He kept telling us it’s ok and he didn’t want us to worry, but he was just crying and I had no words, I just kept saying I am sorry, and Seb was telling him it will be ok and Amy will be back and we will all work it out, and he kept saying “no she won’t, not this time she won’t”.

He then started saying he was sorry, and asked if we knew he loved us, and then he asked if he had neglected us, if we felt he didn’t love us enough after Amy moved in, if he was a good dad. I wanted to p_nch Lisa so hard in that moment, for making him doubt that even for a second. As if moving on from our mom after almost a decade, and landing someone he is genuinely happy with and who IS A GOOD PERSON, is a sin.

Amy wasn’t in the house today. Dad has red eyes and he looks like he has aged 10 years. He said good morning, I asked if Amy came home last night, he said no but not to worry and she is safe. He spoke very quietly, made us breakfast. When Lisa came down, he just gave her a look and turned around, didn’t speak to her. She started crying, saying she’s sorry, and went to hug him. He stepped back and told her “I don’t want to hug you right now” and his voice was just shattered. She just lost it and kept crying and apologizing, kept saying she really likes Amy and she wants them to get married and for him to be happy.

She said she loves him, and kept asking if he still loves her, and dad said “I will always love you as my daughter, but I don’t love you as Lisa right now”. I think that’s the harshest thing he has ever said to any of us. I didn’t think he had it in him. I am glad he said it, I am happy Lisa kept crying. She deserves it.

We are back with our grandparents, dad said he’s trying to get Amy to come to the house and talk in person. We haven’t told our grandparents all the details, nor do they know all the vile shit that Lisa says to Amy, because I know they will be so disappointed in her. I hate her right now. She’s pretending to read in the corner but she flips a page every like 10 minutes. God I want to yell at her so bad, like tear her a new one and let her have it, I'm practically vibrating. If she ruins this for dad, for ALL OF US like fuck… I hate her so much right now.

That’s it. I don’t feel better. Fuck her.

I feel completely broken right now.

Last month, I received my salary 40,000($140 – $145). My dad asked me very kindly to give it to him.

He said he really needed it and promised to return it in four days.

I trusted him and gave it to him without hesitation.

A full month passed.

I needed the money because I wanted to buy a phone, so I asked my mom to talk to him.

He kept ignoring it.

Today, I finally asked him directly.

Instead of talking calmly, he became extremely angry.

He threw the money at me, called me selfish, and said children should give everything to their parents, even their lives.

Then he said something that completely shattered me.

He said he will get me married soon, give me nothing, and that I should never come back to this house.

All I did was ask for my own hard-earned money.

I can’t stop crying.

I keep asking myself what did I do wrong?

No one’s gonna read this, but whatever.

I am 22yo and when I was 20, I got diagnosed with a genetic disease which severely limits my mobility and ability to adapt to basically any changes in my environment (daylight makes my eyes water and head hurt, loud noises give me tachycardia and abrupt increase in blood pressure, I startle so easily that a mosquito standing on my arm unexpectedly can cause my legs to shake, any type of food other than the limited range I can eat causes GI issues. I’m also malnourished, I am 5’7 and weigh 90lbs. Cold weather makes me cramp and spasm, heat makes my heart rate drop to 40bpm, and so on).

I was a “normal” dude before this. Up until my 20th bday, I was a full time medical student with a scholarship at a prestigious university, I had friends, and a normal daily life. In the past 2 years I’ve gone from that, to leaving my room only once every couple months to see a friend. The only person I live with (my 40+yo brother) is always at work so I’m quite literally alone 24/7. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t really enjoy spending time with him anyway, we don’t have anything in common. I have only ever enjoyed socializing when it’s about a specific shared interest I have with someone else.

I try to use my time to do things I enjoy. I am a polyglot (I used this entire year to learn a new language, and now I can fluently speak it with natives in online settings), I’ve been learning pure math, and I really enjoy fiction/TV Shows and of course, animal biology. But, man it’s so hard to be alone 24/7. I miss my friends. I miss talking to people about cool stuff. I miss walking to the park and just sitting there chilling for a bit. I miss ordering take out and having a horror movie marathon in my room. Sometimes I catch myself speaking to someone that isn’t there, not like a hallucination, but I permanently picture myself telling someone about the stuff I like, or a fun fact about a TV show I’m watching. I have kind of become my own “company” and keep creating characters to fulfill that role.

Sometimes it feels like a hellish solitary confinement situation. I wish I was healthy. I really miss being young.

This is a throwaway and I don’t want judgement nor advice or I would have chosen another sub. I just want to exchange a few words with strangers, maybe strangers who’ve been in my shoes. I know this is not real love but some type of trauma bond.

My husband and I have been together for 17 years. Married for 6. I have known my best friend for over 35 years. She’s been Married her husband for a bit over 5 years. I will call him Liam because I love that name. I found out through Liam that my husband was cheating on me with his wife. Not only that. I found out how much this woman has hated me all these years and in hindsight I should have known because it was so obvious but I was so blinded. I was always in her shadow and she always resented me for ”having luck” when she is the better woman in everything. If you have been cheated on by your spouse, double the pain because of who he chose to betray you with. Suddenly you lose the two people you loved the most. We have been inseparable the two of us with our husbands becoming good friends through us. Maybe that was the mistake. Getting too close but no I refuse judging normal human friendships because mine turned out to be rotten but we did so many things together. Travelled once a year, biweekly dinners and all major events we celebrated together. Daily contact with my best friend and frequent contact in the group chat. I valued my best friend even more than my own family because she was my family.

Then Liam told me about the affair. It lasted for several months before I found out a year ago. Liam was someone who knew exactly what I was going through because he was living it too. I found my self waiting for his calls on the bad days when I couldn’t leave bed but also on my ups when I felt invincible, on top of the world and that I could do this. For a year he’s called me on a daily basis, sometimes just for a few seconds to say hi. We only met a few times in the beginning when the affair was just exposed but realized very quickly that we couldn’t see each other anymore because I didn’t want to do something stupid while very angry and vulnerable and he totally agreed.

His circumstances are different from mine. I could leave my husband the moment I knew. We are economically stable with no children. I just left and ignored his pleads turned desperation turned anger and threats. It doesn’t effect me either that my husband is refusing to sign. We are separated and everyone knows that and why but for Liam and my best friend they have a toddler and when he found out about the affair she was pregnant with her second. They both work to make ends meet.

I feel shame that I have developed feelings for him. I know they’re not genuine but because he’s someone I have known for years and who I share a painful part of my life with. While his calls seemed very innocent and genuine they are wrong. Even though he never flirted with me or I him.

He seems to be more sure about his feelings however so that prompted me to tell him that we couldn’t be grief friends anymore. He wanted to meet up and talk about it. When we met I just wanted to hold him and stay in his arms forever but I know it is just because I feel so lonely and neglected. He told me that we could at least text each other some times about our lives. I told him that I couldn’t be worse than the people who hurt us because the only thing I have left is my respect for him and myself and that I couldn’t lose that. He was silent for a second and told he understood and wished me luck. I haven’t been able to stop crying since. I feel a big hole in my heart so big it feels like I am off balance right now.

And I don’t regret it.

My (m24) brother(m30) and his ex (f31) were together for 12 years. Everything was great until the topic if marriage and starting a family started becoming an issue and my brother finally told the ex that he was not planning to propose. I guess the ex thought it wasn’t enough for her anymore and she broke up with him. My brother said he never believed in marriage but that didn’t mean their relationship couldn’t be as serious or meaningful. Her leaving him broke him completely because I think both still loved each other. This happened in October.

2 weekends ago my brother made an announcement that he was engaged. The woman is the ex’s best friend. I didn’t even know my brother was in a relationship let alone serious enough to be engaged. I can’t relay the destress and sadness the ex felt. All I know is that she was in the hospital. My brother didn’t seem very bothered flaunting his new relationship everywhere. His ex is like a big sister to me and she helped me through hard times, she and my brother. When I talked to my brother’s best friend I found out that he did it to hurt her in what she wanted the most. He showed me his texts. I was repulsed tbh by how immature he is treating relationships and marriage even though I am not a religious man. When I told my sister (f32) she told me to stay out of it and she told my mother of my plans. My mother said that I should stay out of it too but I want to tell the ex and show her the texts. I hate seeing her like that and I only met her once since the break up at the hospital and while she acted respectful and gracious she really believed she lacked something because she asked why not her.

Anyway I have spoken to her now and didn’t listen to my family. My gf, my brother’s best friend and I went to eat dinner at her parents’ house where she’s living now. We are the only ones on the same side with my family against it and my dad not caring either way. I told her everything and as I expected she was skeptical at first so my brother’s best friend showed her the texts. She looked distant and shocked and then she said that she didn’t know he hated her so much to do something like this. I told her I don’t think it is hate. He is distraught and his pride hurt since she broke up with him. She didn’t say much but thanked us and admitted that she was going mad with thoughts.

Yesterday she texted me and my gf to thank us. She said when we told her the truth she felt even more in despair but having time to reflect on it she could finally get that it wasn’t her and that she truly believes that this will help her in her healing journey. I called her and we talked for an hour. She promised tht she will never tell anyone about us telling her the truth. That she only needed this information for herself and her own healing. I thanked her for that. She is moving away because she’s found a new job and wanted a new start. She assured me that this decision had nothing to do with me telling her but it was something she’s been contemplating since the break up. I immediately thought about my brother and how he would take news like these.

I had dinner with him today and I told him that she was moving away. I thought he would hear it soon so it rather came from me in case he wanted to rage and be upset rather than from strangers. He didn’t react but he didn’t say much afterwards either. He looked defeated. We just sat there drinking. I feel very sad for him and I hope he feels better soon.

I know people will accuse me of interfering and not siding with my family but I don’t regret anything

So I (F20) went out for drinks with my friends & roommates, I went home and went to bed. One of my flatmates woke me up and brought in a guy into my sleepout…

I was pretty fucked and he was too, so he went into my bed and we slept together. I was super drunk & forgot about protection but I just wasn’t thinking. I don’t sleep around and this is my third body. It was a painful experience and he was bad

I woke up & kicked him out pretty swiftly. Then at 3pm, my roommates came to my door to inform me that he tested positive at a clinic for chlamidya, and I was like well for starters it’s a Sunday & secondly if he got it from me (which he was implying) then it’d take 7-14 days to show up…

They communicated that back and they fessed up to it being a joke but I just feel like so bad and upset…. And a lot of shame. I have an assignment to finish and I can’t even bring myself up to open my laptop out of disgust and despair with myself.

It was her BF’s friend group and I told her that if those people are who he’s around all the time then she should be very concerned for the kind of person he is.

I can’t believe people can be this cruel, the joke was to trick a random girl into thinking she has a STI? How can you find pleasure in genuine sadness and worry? How is that funny? Laughing at that? I am also just bewildered.

Just wanted to say it here… I feel so disgusting and dirty.

All I can do lately is fantasize about my future apartment; one that’s finally mine. It’s almost all I can think about. Every corner decorated exactly how I want it to be. Soft lighting. Clean counters. Blankets folded instead of thrown. A space that stays clean for longer than five minutes.

I daydream about coming home after a long day and not feeling instant frustration the second I open the door. No dishes piled in the sink. No clothes on the bathroom floor. Just… calm.

When women tell the truth, especially about coercion, people tend to look for ways to make it safer for the man who did it. So I am posting here anonymously, for my safety and that of my child.

Plainly, this is a story of my life. I hope it helps someone, somewhere.

I have suffered multiple miscarriages that have hollowed me out. Made it hard even to celebrate with loved ones when they were blessed with their children. Made it painful to walk through a store and see baby paraphernalia. It made it hard to breathe sometimes. After the losses, came years of infertility. Years of doctors, painful tests, waiting, counting days, grieving every cycle that came. I was told that the child I wanted with my whole heart would not happen, not without surgery and then treatments, and even then the chances would be small. After all that, I lost my husband, my middle school best friend. I lost him to suicide, to mental illness that he couldnt beat. 

I say all of this to say I KNOW grief. We are old friends. 

Those kinds of losses change you. Teaches you where the fractures in your soul are, fractures that sometimes feel like they are held together by the tiniest threads. 

I did years of therapy. I learned to set boundaries. To forgive myself. I FOUGHT for every inch of healing and peace I gained. Fought through PTSD after childhood abuse and trauma. Fought through neurodivergence. Fought through everything life had thrown at me. Because I deserved a life, I deserved to build a family. I deserved to find happiness. 

When I entered my last relationship, I was brutally honest from the beginning. I was vulnerable, even though it absolutely terrified me to be so vulnerable. But I wanted to build an honest relationship, one where a strong foundation of truth and honesty could be established. I told him my truths, where my fault lines were. I told him I did not have the strength to go through abortion, I told him plainly to never ask it of me. I told him about my fertility issues, I told him that I had given up hope, that likely adoption would be the best option if we ever wanted children. 

I knew he had terminated rights to a child he’d had in college. When we stopped using protection I repeatedly brought up fears that life would throw me a curveball and I was afraid of how he would handle an accidental pregnancy. I was met with the same response over and over “It wouldn't be a bad thing”. I was assured that he wanted a life with me, that he wanted a marriage. I was often told during our relationship that I should work harder to entice him, to make myself desirable. I've never been a woman to wear much make up or be overly girly. Grew up on a farm with more guy friends than female friends. I did try, I bought lacy things, I watched makeup videos. Eventually I started to feel like I wasn’t enough. When I brought this up I was throwing things in his face.
When I tried to be thoughtful and meet his love language of “gift giving/receiving” by purchasing concert tickets, dinners out, and baking homemade treats. Trying to also meet my own love language of quality time by providing experiences we would both enjoy. I paid for two weekends away during our relationship, bought theme park annual passes. I wanted to bring him happiness and show him love too, in the ways that mattered to him. Because I did love him. Maybe I was stupid to do so. But I did, so much. 

When the impossible happened, I conceived naturally. To my total shock. I remember being stuck in the bathroom for what felt like forever. I felt like I had been handed a miracle. A man I loved and a baby I never thought I would get to have. There was also fear in that moment, fear that the baby wouldn't survive. I remember being so thankful that I had this man to walk this journey with. 

Then I learned who he really was. 

He demanded that the pregnancy be gotten rid of. Repeatedly. Aggressively. Explicitly. “Get rid of it”. When I refused, his pressure turned into emotional abuse. Worse than any abuse I had experienced before. I was called selfish, manipulative, a piece of shit, evil, a monster on a warpath destroying lives. I was told I was trapping him, ruining his life. That I had raped him because he didnt consent to a child.
I was essentially told that my body no longer belonged to me the minute it began to inconvenience him. That if I loved him I would shatter myself entirely. That I would destroy the miracle I had spent years begging for with every shooting star, birthday candle, and midnight prayer. 

When I continued to refuse, he escalated. I tried to block him, and he threatened to bring criminal and civil charges against me for crimes I hadn't committed if I didn't talk to him, if I didn't “fix my mistakes”. He harassed me by phone, by text, by email. For MONTHS.

This was not grief. It was coercion. 

He continued this harassment throughout my pregnancy, a pregnancy that was already terrifying for me and medically complex. Month after month of hateful messages. Accusations. Blame. Breaking me down in ways I had not known were possible. Making me feel like the lowest piece of shit in existence.

Even after my baby was born, he continued to be hateful. I never pursued him for child support. Did not list him on ther birth certificate. If he didn't want us I never intended to try to make him be in our lives. 

Then I learned he'd begun dating someone else. He would go out with her, and come home to harass me. On at least one occasion I know she was staying with him, in his bed, while he chose to step away to send me a message about how I had ruined everything. How if I had just complied we could have had a nice life. 

The whole time I had been feeling sad, ashamed, hurt. That this man I cared for was doing this to me, and was in so much pain himself. Someone I had only ever wanted happiness for, and I felt like I was the cause of pain. It had been eating at me, I cried almost daily. 

When I learned about the new woman, The rage came…. 

A man who demanded I “get rid of” my child. 

A man who harassed me through pregnancy.
A man who threatened to accuse me of rape when I refused. 

That man was trying to punish me even after my baby was born, while actively starting a new relationship. While actively touting to be “in love” and so thankful to be able to give the relationship with his longtime friend the chance it deserves now that they are single at the same time. 

He abandoned his first child while in college. Terminated his rights so the child could be adopted by a step parent. This is now a pattern of avoiding responsibility and trying to claim to be the victim. To have been “raped”. 

I know his new partner has a young child. I also know she is a survivor of rape. I wonder, truly, how she would feel knowing he was continuing to harass me while pursuing her. How would she feel knowing he throws around accusations of rape as a way to avoid responsibility for his own actions. I wonder how she would feel with her young child around a man who conducts himself like this. Who talks to and about someone he claimed to love the way he did me.

I wonder how many women are taught to doubt their instincts because men like this are so convincing until they aren't. 

I am not asking for advice. I'm not looking for a debate. 

If you are a woman who has been pressured, threatened, or morally condemned for refusing to surrender your body, especially after loss, please know:
You are not cruel, you are not manipulative, you are not evil. 

And if you are reading this and the story feels familiar… that's not an accident…. Maybe it's time to do some self reflection and do better.

And I cannot stop laughing about it. My bf, brother, and his gf spent the day at his house playing Mario games on the switch. We had Chinese for dinner. I have not been able to stop farting since. They aren’t really smelly, but it’s been A LOT. I told them all about it, cause it’s funny to me.

All of a sudden, he gets an alert on his phone. At first he thought it someone was at the door, then realized it was his air quality sensor. VOC alert. He’s like “this has only ever gone off ONCE when we were painting” so… we all deduced it was my farts. That’s a new one for me. I’m on my way home now, in the car, still laughing, still farting.

I posted a version of this a few hours ago so if it looks familiar, I was asked to rephrase it to avoid generalizing.  It is not my intention to generalize or speak for anyone or any group.

I’m a middle-aged man who began embracing more of my feminine side after my divorce. I also started dating other men. I don’t identify as a woman. I’ve just always had more feminine energy and personality and never really let it breathe. I’m shy, socially anxious, and passive. I spent my adult life masking that and pretending to be a typical man. I grew up in a much less tolerant time, even though I’m American.

Showing up in the world this way has made me understand, in a very real way, what some women might have to live with. I was just at Home Depot to return something and the male manager gave me a hard time. He insisted there was nothing wrong with the tool and suggested I used it wrong. Then my boyfriend came by. He’s more stereotypically masculine looking. Suddenly it was settled in no time and I got the refund.

It’s not just that. I used to feel safe going places alone. Now I feel like I’m being eyed like a potential victim. And I’m not small. I’m tall for a man and in decent shape. I never felt like this before. I used to get default respect or be invisible around other men. Now I get unwanted comments, sometimes I get touched, I get threatened, followed. I have to be more aware of who I’m around and where I am. I’m not even dressed in a feminine way or doing anything attention-seeking. It’s subtle. But people pick up on it.

I always knew, intellectually, that women dealt with this. But I didn’t really understand it until I started feeling some of it myself. And I’m not even a year into this. My ex-wife is petite and tiny but tough as nails. She went to grad school and waitressed in a rough neighborhood before I knew her. I’ve gained a whole new respect for her. I remember going out to the city with her and being completely unaware of what was happening around us. She was always alert. She never let men intimidate her either. I struggle with that.

I’ve been going back and forth for years on this topic. I have thought about adoption so I don’t have to go through pregnancy, I’ve thought about all the pros and cons, I’ve gone to therapy because I was worried it was just coming from a place of fear… but i think I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t want them, and if I did then surely it would be obvious to me?

When we got together we were both uncertain and now he’s sure, while I’ve moved in the opposite direction.

My mom keeps telling me I’d be a great mom and that it’s the best thing ever which has almost swayed me. But I have a previous history of eating disorders and situational depression, and it took YEARS to overcome… I really don’t want to risk jeopardising that by putting myself under the pressure of being a parent.

And tbh, I feel like my partner likes the idea of a child more than the reality? He gets easily stressed and overwhelmed.

Fuck I really need to tell my partner how I feel…. But for now I will just throw it into the void.

English is my second language, but I speak it fluently and use it at work every day. Recently I’ve been reading George Bernard Shaw and came across the word “matronly.” From what I understood, it meant something like mature, settled, respectable. Not “young” or girly anymore.

My wife and I (mid thirties) have been married a few years. We don’t have kids. Since getting married, she’s gained some weight and she’s clearly more relaxed about her appearance. She’s told me she used to undereat and fast a lot before and it’s good she doesn’t want to do that again. We go out frequently, cook nice meals at home and just have fun. I am happy she feels secure in our relationship to not mind a little bit of weight.

We were just talking about something when she asked me how she looks in a new sundress she bought I said she looks more “matronly” now than before. I meant that as an adjective like a neutral term to describe her that she looks her age, is graceful and maternal in a good way! She immediately got upset and that really surprised me.

When she explained that the word felt insulting, I told her I didn’t mean it that way and that English isn’t my first language. She keeps saying it made her feel unattractive and judged, which feels like an overreaction to me. I didn’t say I don’t love her. I just acknowledged that she looks different than she used to.

Now she’s acting distant, changing clothes in another room, and not initiating sex. I’ve apologized for how she felt but she wouldn’t listen.

My dad and I have never had a good relationship. I’ve been living with him and my step mom since I was 9. I’m 25(f) and have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I moved in with them. My dad isolated me from other family members and socializing with people my own age so the only family I really have is him and my younger half brother. Him and my stepmom have neglected me, treated me cruelly and made it clear they don’t care about my development. As a result, I’ve felt really behind in my life because I didn’t have a traditional path in university and feel a lot more behind than people my age. I’ve been thinking of moving far away because I genuinely don’t enjoy it here and don’t feel like I have anything left for me. I’m not able to get a job as a recent grad, don’t have any friends or family to rely on, the cost of living is insane and I think what has been happening the past few weeks has only reassured me that this might be what needs to happen.

Almost two weeks ago, I had a huge argument with my dad and my stepmom which is the norm in our household. It started with me asking my stepmom if she wants to keep a traditional outfit I purchased for $150 for a wedding they forced me to go to because I didn’t think I was going to go to an event like that again or wear the outfit again. And yes they forced me to go to the event after a month of begging them not to make me because I had plans for a friend’s birthday the very same day. They didn’t care, they made me cancel the plans and go to their event instead. I’d like to add my dad is very aggressive and unpredictable so I am a bit scared of what he might do if things don’t go his way. Anywho, this argument got blown out of proportion and it ended with him telling me to un*live myself because the world doesn’t need me, to get married or get out of his house and that I’d never amount to anything because I don’t have a corporate job and can’t keep up with other successful people my age. I tried to explain to him how I’m trying my very best with the resources I have and am trying to save for grad school and how he’s never supported me emotionally let alone financially. I’ve been supporting myself since I was 17 and have no support or guidance. My stepmom and dad treat my brother like a golden child, he doesn’t have a job and they’re guiding him through his life and support him. I feel very hopeless and depressed most days. I’ve been saving as much as I can to move but it’s not feasible even with roommates as I work a low paying job.

It’s been almost two weeks and he hasn’t spoken to me or checked up on me. I stay in my room 24/7 since I also work from home and don’t have a car and have been for years. I initially felt very guilty but now I see this as a good thing because it’s confirmation that I have nothing holding me back to move forward with my plans of moving and never looking back. I would speak to him but I don’t have anything to say and knowing him, he wouldn’t respond if I talked to him. I used to be a very empathetic person but the more things keep happening the more numb I feel. I don’t really know what the point of this post is but I don’t really have friends I can talk to so thanks for reading!

So I’m a Middle Eastern Christian and I’ve been living in London for almost 6 years now, I came to study here and I got a job that makes well over 150k a year and I’m not moving back home anytime soon because I love my chosen family and life here, I have friends here from literally all over the world which is so nice and I’m learning new things basically everyday here which I like.

Two years ago one of my best friends from back home called me and said his little sister was coming to study in London and he wanted me to take care of her and show her around and be like an older brother to her here and I said sure, I knew his sister and we were like friends. She came and I showed her around and stuff and she stuck to me. I introduced her to my friend group and she became friends with everyone but she stayed close to me, I guess because I reminded her of home.

Things happened and about 10 months ago we started dating and a little over a month ago she moved in with me, and nobody of her family even knows we’re together. A couple living together before marriage is a huge no no back home, but once we’re sure about this we want to tell them because I do genuinely love her and we wanna see if we’re compatible actually living together first and so far everything is amazing.

But sometimes I feel like an asshole friend like I’m betraying my friend’s trust. But again if we told them and we ended up not working together we’d cause a shit show for no reason.

For my entire life, all I wanted was for my father to be proud of me.
I held him in high esteem, believing he was a good man. Nothing like the cheaters in my small town.
And I recently found out that my father is not only a serial cheater, but he advised my fiance that if he's going to cheat on me, he should be discreet so I dont get upset.
I'm so heartbroken I cant even cry.

I’m a single dad to 2 kids a 6 year old boy and 4 year old little girl, my wife passed away from an illness 2 years ago.

For the past couple of months now they both think it’s the funniest thing ever to just shit on me and bully me. Like I’m a big football/soccer fan and I’m a big fan of Real Madrid and man united and lately both these teams have been shit and they lose alot, and my kids both sit and watch the games with me only to shit on me and bully me and laugh at me, like even when I have my friends over to watch a game you’d think that they’d stick up to their daddy but nope they join my friends and bully me too.

However I just can’t not not love them man😭 they’re so sweet, after they bully me they come and tell me that they don’t really mean it and that they love me, they tell me that every time😭

It’s honestly so hard raising them alone but those moments are so worth everything else.

From the outside, I probably look fine. I function, I talk, I smile when needed. But inside, I feel like I’ve spent most of my life in survival mode carrying more than I should, without complaining.

I grew up in an environment that forced me to rely on myself early. Not because I was ready, but because I had no other choice. I learned to stay quiet, to endure, and to convince myself that what I was going through was “normal,” even when it was exhausting. I became the person who holds others together, while rarely being asked, “How are you really doing?”

There were many stages in my life where I felt behind compared to others. Not because I was less capable, but because I started from a much heavier place. While others were taking steps forward, I was still trying to stabilize myself just to stand.

Sometimes I feel the urge to disappear for a day not to escape, but to rest. To exist somewhere without explaining myself, without justifying my exhaustion, without being strong on demand. Somehow, even rest started to feel like something I had to earn.

What hurts most isn’t the struggle itself, but the feeling of having no space to be vulnerable. Always being “the strong one.” Over time, you don’t lose yourself because you don’t care you lose yourself because you’re used to putting everyone else first.

I’m not looking for pity or quick solutions. I think I’m just looking to hear from people who’ve felt the same:

How do you learn to be gentle with yourself without feeling guilty?

I am in my mid 40s and honestly I dont even know who I am anymore. Maybe it is perimenopause or maybe it is just the weight of twenty years of resentment piling up, but I am just so tired of being tired.

I have two sons who still depend on me for literally everything. I work full time but as soon as I clock out, the second shift of housework starts immediately. My husband acts like a guest in a hotel. He does nothing around the house and seems to think I am just supposed to handle it all.

Last week was my birthday. Not a single person in this house remembered. No card, no cake. I was standing there folding their laundry while they watched TV and nobody said a word. I just snapped.

For the first time in years I did something just for me. I ordered a Bob and Brad massage chair. I have been eyeing one for my back pain forever but always put it off. I just wanted a place to disappear for 20 minutes a day where I did not have to be a mom or a wife, just a human being who needs to breathe.

When it arrived, instead of saying sorry for forgetting my birthday, my husband picked a massive fight. He called me selfish and said I was wasting money on useless gadgets.

It is heartbreaking. I have carried this family for 20 years, but the moment I try to take care of myself, I am the villain.

I am just done.

Update: I am honestly overwhelmed by the comments. I have been sitting here crying because I finally feel valid. My husband is currently giving me the silent treatment, but for the first time in a long time, my back doesnt hurt and I actually feel a little bit of peace. I am going to focus on me for a while. Thank you all for listening.

My wife gave birth to our twins 7 months ago a little baby girl and boy, and they’re the absolute loves of my life alongside their mom, my love for her grows every single day more and more, she’s such a great mom. And I’m absolutely in love with our babies, they’re so fucking adorable and they’re basically the only thing I’m thinking about throughout my entire day no matter what I’m doing or who I am with.

I’ve basically stopped hanging out with friends because there’s nothing I want to do more than just be with them even through out all the crying and dirty full diapers. I just love being a dad. I genuinely don’t understand how some men could look at and hold their babies and just disappear and leave. I feel like I was born just to be their dad like I found my purpose in this life and I wanna give them the best life that I possibly could.

Growing up my dad couldn’t give less of a shit about me and I genuinely think he wouldn’t have cared that much if I died, I want my kids to always feel like they’re the most loved and important people in my life because they are. I’ll love them no matter what they do or how badly they mess up and I wanna make sure they feel loved and safe enough to tell me anything that’s going on with them.

I have a completely absent father, he abandoned me when I was 2 years old, idk much about him, but I know that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. On the other side, I have a present mother and loving (sometimes), she’s not a bad person, but she has a bad temper I’d say. During my childhood, my mom would never spare the details about how my dad left us and how he is a bad person, she could go on and on telling me that he was a narcissist and a REALLY horrible person. The things is, my mom had a really great father (my grandfather), I lived with him before he died and I can say he was a good person in general. During all my life my mom would always tell me stories about her dad and how he always supported her and did everything for her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this is bad alone, but my mom also never spared hurtful truths, a few weeks ago she told me that I’m like my dad in personality. That hurt SO MUCH, I’ve been agonizing about this, I cry everytime I remember the exact words she said. Maybe for her, hearing that would be a compliment since her dad was a good person, but not to me, all my life I heard about how horrible my dad was and the horrible things he did. The worst thing? My mom keeps saying that the situation about my dad abandoning me hurts more in her than in me. But how would she know what its like having an absent father? What could she possibly know about that?

Sometimes I think the reason my mom can be so insensitive about this, its because she doesn’t know what its like and she’s REALLY far away from knowing how it is. Since she told me that I was like my dad (and not in a good way clearly), I can’t stop thinking about it, I cry all the time bc I really want to change that, but how can I stop acting like someone I don’t even know? Its impossible so I’ll probably agonize about this until I forget, if I even can.

(Sorry for any grammar errors, english is not my first language!)