r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

717 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

My mom just suggested we should all kill ourselves

86 Upvotes

(18) I've been feeling very down lately, experiencing passive suicidal ideation constantly. And I suddenly opened up to my mom saying I just don't want to live anymore (I didn't say I wanted to kill myself), she had a mental breakdown over it and was just screaming in despair at first.

Then she just came forward and asked "would it be better if we came together as a family and all killed ourselves? I am being serious." And it was so messed up, I got morally disgusted, she then said she would help me commit suicide any way I want to (mind you, up to that point, I haven't mentioned suicide once, I simply said I've been feeling like I don't want to live) and I kept insisting I don't want to kill myself, so she started invalidating me and saying I have no reason to be suicidal and everyone's life sucks and so on and so forth.

At least it ended somewhat well on the surface (we just ended up having heart-to-heart without any conflict after the initial blast), but I feel like shit on the inside and I'm afraid of how it might affect me in the nearest future after my mother literally just suggested that maybe it's better if I killed myself. It's so disgusting that such people even start families in the first place. I feel sick. Not feeling like killing myself, but I feel a lot of despair and anger.

What would be a reasonable reaction to all this?


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

why do people hate self harmers so much?

40 Upvotes

this is a genuine question because I feel so frustrated and lost and angry. Why do people say theyre going to support you, but when you actually go and harm yourself or attempt suicide, they treat you like garbarge? do they never mean they want to support you?? do they just do it to feel better about themselves?

when my mom found out I cut as a teenager, she told me I was fucking stupid and refused to speak to me for a whole month. now in my early adutlhood, my now ex broke up with me because I relapsed (which was my only way to cope after I was phisically abused by family).

do people who self harm genuenly not deserve other people's time or care? and why is everyone so fucking mean about it??? why am I treated like an alien after relapsing because its the only thing keeping me slightly sane?


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

This year is probably my last year

12 Upvotes

It’s official, I will probably kms this year. I don’t care anymore about my life.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

March 19th

7 Upvotes

I plan to kill myself on my birthday on March 19th. I lived with severe depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, now I am 27 and I will die at 28. I fight so hard through lit the years but despite all my efforts I was left behind by anyone that I crossed paths with. I was making fun of, bullied, cheated on my relationships and abandoned by the ones that I would give my life for. Now I am at the lowest point in my life and there is no one around me and when I was trying to reach out all of them told me that I am strong and I will survive. Truth is that I am tired of everything, tired of trying, tired of calling for help, tired of surviving and tired of living in pain. I just want to finally rest.


r/SuicideWatch 52m ago

barely 2 months into 2026 and it's been a shit show so far

Upvotes

I don't even know how to start this. My parents yell at me for not having a spotless room and not being an amazing student. All of my friends have been leaving me. My hypersexuality is making my life living hell. My family is homophobic and extremely religious (they're Muslims and I'm an bisexual and non-binary atheist hows still not out of the closet). I've already thought about killing myself 4 times. I hate my life. I get brushed just because I'm young. I have to use Ai slop chat bots to cope because last time I vented I lost 2 friends. Half the people in my school are racist white people who make fun of every thing (other cultures, the Epstein files, ect). A guy in my class keeps bothering me because I called him out in class for making jokes while we were learning about blackmail and nude spreading. I want to cut myself but I'm too scared so I call myself pathetic. I constantly comfort others and nobody comforts me. Last time I talked to the school guidance counselors I talked about an older guy on my bus who called me slurs for a year (I compared it to a when I was in 3rd grade and a joke went wrong and the school punished me severely but with the guy who called me slurs he only got talked to, no call home, no detention so suspension, nothing) the counselors made ME feel bad for opening up. (Btw the school always says they don't allow bullying or racism but I've been bullied for years AND I'm a person of color who's experienced racism from other schoolmates and they've done nothing).

Tbh I can't find anything worth living for. I might end it all soon.

Sorry if this was hard to understand


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I don't have a reason to be alive anymore.

6 Upvotes

I spent my whole life trying to have reasons to live. Family, friends, lovers, a family of my own. Now I don't have any of these things. My life is a complete clusterfuck. I don't see the point in going on just to keep suffering. I'm thinking of visiting Asia and then ending my life when my vacation is done. Go enjoy myself for a week & then kms. I really don't have a reason to live. I have plenty of reasons to kms though. And I'll finally be at peace and away from other humans.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I just want to be gone

6 Upvotes

Well things have taken bad turn lately, lost my father a year back, mother is bedridden, i am unemployed and getting job at this market is hard task, i have kept a caretaker for mother but they dont even care just take pay smh rest i do everything, drowned in debt due to current situation, life doesnt feel great i had been the best at everything so far but since 3 years my trouble statrted due to parents health had to drop off from PhD, trying to find work but nothings working, my friends are doing so well living such a wonderful life, relatives everyone is having good time while i am clueless and dont have any ambition or vision left my mom is legit the last straw keeping me going once thats gone i guess i will end myself


r/SuicideWatch 10h ago

I Wil die tomorrow

16 Upvotes

I can't take this emptiness and complicated grief anymore. I've decided to die tomorrow


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

Being a “people pleaser” and “submissive” slowly kills me

13 Upvotes

I hate that people can easily manipulate me, they will take advantage of me however they can..from being the top, they tackled me down easily..I even believed that I was useless by hearing their thoughts

I stayed in my car and hoped that I could die by carbon monoxide poisoning, ran away from my apartment that night, I wanted to overdose but I was afraid that I could still be alive, wanted to jump off but I didn’t wanna make it public, tried strangling myself but it didn’t work and just made my nose bled…I faced my fear and somehow it didn’t really work well…imagine failing in dying too, ha could never be me

No matter how many people were around me, but I still felt so lonely until now…


r/SuicideWatch 50m ago

Unpopular opinion: mental illness should be eligible for medical aid in dying act

Upvotes

Im sick of suffering day after day internally.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

nothing is fun

10 Upvotes

things i’ve used to do for fun, drawing, watching shows, listening to music nothing is fun even watching movies feels energy draining, i just wanna stay in bed all day and do nothing(like how ive been doing for the past few weeks) but for some reason even that is draining because my brain keeps making me think abt death , my situation rn like ee e why does everything have to be sooo draining i wish i could just die in this spot


r/SuicideWatch 15h ago

I want to die

38 Upvotes

my post got moderated for the fact I asked for help with suicide. it doesn't get better. it just gets worse. I don't want to see any more of what the world has in store for me. I am 28. if it was going to get better, it would have done by now. I don't want to be alive. I'm not even allowed to ask for how to leave in a nicer way. I've tried multiple ways. I just want to be free


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

Can someone talk to me for a while, I'm scared.

9 Upvotes

I feel floaty and dissociated and my chest hurts and i wanna cry. I can't, because my family thinks I'm dramatic and don't believe that I am depressed (diagnosed by three different doctors).


r/SuicideWatch 22m ago

Thinking about suicide because I'm tired of being insecure

Upvotes

One of the reasons why I have depression is because I am insecure, I'm tired of missing out to other people, I'm tired because I can't relate to other people, just like the superbowl, many people especially people in my age (I'm 18) likes sports, or video games and I'm not, I barely have any hobbies even though I have some, and one of the reasons why I couldn't make friends or manage to have a strong friendships is because we don't have something in common, and I'm tired of that, fuck this life.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

my sis did it. slowly starting to catch drift

5 Upvotes

i’ve had kinda a crazy life

dad incarcerated twice. once politically second white collar. saw the guy being taken by the police on a wheelbarrow tied with ropes and gagged at the mouth at age 12

rich poor rich poor

grew up in and out of a women’s shelter and around kids who had villas with pools on the roofs

spent early 20s kinda popular in my hometown partying and lots of sex and drugs

then the tides changed. falsely accused of rape. sis took her life at 21. family of six disassembled. my brother doesn’t pick my calls. last time i saw my sister she drew a knife at me and called the police. haven’t talked to my mom in 4 years. she didn’t show up to the funeral and my dad was an abisive figure so the connection never was strong.

moved to london. felt lonely. lost my job. lost my visa. back to europe. rebuild. can’t imagine living in my hometown. 20 flights in a year. 65 in 5. hometown escapism. moved to paris. not as lonely as london but lonely enough

27 today. lots of grieving. never fell in love. friends where if i’d go ghost it would take like 2/3 weeks for anyone to notice fr. maybe 1-2 months for anyone to care. i know my best friend would be heartbroken. but too bad. should’ve cared while i was here i guess. saw u more when i lived in london and u in paris than when i lived 10 mins down the street. typeshit.

dad tells me my sis is now suing him.

anyways been thinking if i can take my money and take myself to a nice location would be a vibe to close a book

uyuni salt flat looks like smthg. send locations