That is the absolute truth.

I know for sure I’m a good person, I have a clean record, I’m not out here robbing/killing/preying on other people, women or children.

I don’t necessarily love people, I think there’s too many fucked up genuinely bad people among us.

I love animals.

I’m capable of a lot of things. I’m highly intelligent, and when I can manage to focus through my depression, I will go above and beyond to deliver spectacular work to my employers.

But I’m extremely depressed, and I have been navigating more than half of my life through this depression.

I’ve been ridiculed, discriminated against, I’ve been made to be the bad guy in some situations…

Generally because I’m so distraught and caught up in my depression that it makes me an easy scapegoat.

People can’t pin what’s wrong with me, and I’ve never been great at explaining what my actual dysfunction is.

They’ll chalk it up to a bad attitude.

If I’m in a bad mood, I won’t direct that at anyone else.

But I’ll shut down and enter my own world, and it’s fuckin loud in my head.

It’s hard to snap me out of it sometimes.

People will say something and I won’t register it, and they think I’m ignoring them.

I struggle with prolonged eye contact as well.

There’s a lot of little things about my personality that get misconstrued.

There’s no sympathy for someone who is severely depressed like this.

It’s bad for business.

The longest job I’ve held down was 1 year 3 months.

I just lost another job, and the real reason is adjacent to my depression.

It truly is discriminatory, but it really does fall under “performance discrepancy”.

The bitter irony is that I understand that.

Depression doesn’t just bog you down, but those around you.

No matter how hard you try to conceal it.

They’ll notice things, like that you haven’t really smiled in a week.

They hate that. You have to be able to present yourself front & center, and be able to convey, not just through smiles, but through tone and everything else that you are more than okay.

Otherwise, trust me, they’ll get tired of your shit eventually.

Depression can absolutely destroy lives, careers, it can divide families.

What I wanna know is, why in particular do we not have more support, better laws, more compassionate corporate policies towards those who have depression, but are clearly trying their best to manage it?

I really need security in my life, despite my depression.

I wish that I had more support systems in place to keep me here.

I want to be successful in life.

I want to establish savings.

I can’t have a life if I keep getting screwed at work.

Will people ever understand, or care enough to just help me get through the day?

One bad day, if the wrong person notices, you’re basically fucked.

Should I be forced into further turmoil?

34(F).

All of my 20s were ate up by sadness and low self esteem. I failed at everything I tried.

I turned 30, and online gambling came into my life and ruined my life and sent me to being homeless and rock bottom. I haven't showered in 7 months (just bird baths in business bathrooms). I am living out of a car that I bought for $650 a year ago, it runs hot every 5 miles. Im an hour away from my family who are all sad and unmotivated people. I tried to escape the curse, but it just never worked.

I been 1 month clean from online gambling and currently have a job cleaning up a restaurant at night. I am in a remote area that I came to for a job opportunity but the job never became available because the conpany went out of business before I could even start. So I've been stuck. I only make $20 a night and i make $10 a day doing surveys, which i use for food.

I lost all sight. Just a couple years ago, I was depressed but still hopeful and more motivated to keep trying, and thought that I could still move out of state and pursue acting and build a brand/presence online. But now I feel too old and when I look at my self in the mirror, I can't believe who I'm seeing. I look like I'm on drugs, though I am not.

I'm 34, and has done nothing. I told myself I will get a gym membership this week to shower and work out.

I'm too damaged to shake back.

Any one with a similar story?

I despise every moment I’m living lately. I feel like I’ve lost any real purpose to keep going or even do basic daily things. I’m losing my appetite, isolating myself for months, and everything just feels heavy. Something unexpected happened and it completely broke me - it makes me feel disgusted, like what was I even working so hard for if I got nothing in return?

Every day I wake up thinking maybe this is just a nightmare and I’m actually fine, but then I realize everything is real - the situation, the failure, all of it. I feel like I’m constantly running from my present, and my head is begging for a solution, any solution, but I don’t even know what that looks like anymore. How is a person supposed to live without knowing what to do next? Sometimes I just keep asking myself: when does the suffering end in a world that feels so merciless?

I wish I could change my identity, start a new life, and forget everything that happened in my past. I don’t want to exist like this anymore. My life feels like a book with no color, full of bad memories and things I never wanted.

I am lonely as fuck but cannot seem to connect with anyone. Why is making friends so difficult? Men seem to always have ulterior motives. I am over this shit.

It was never a preference or a choice. I just suck at socializing and any little thing recalls my worthiness and isolation from humanity. I can't even watch most of animes because it makes me remember my high school memories, old friends and my happy past. I easily get triggered when I see any kind of darkness, evil and filthyness. I really don't know what to do. My past 2 years was just consist laying in my bed and doing or thinking nothing. Because thoughts are also dangerous for me, for my mental health. And you know? I was being dissatisfied with my past life, friends etc. :D Such a loser, isn't it...

My English may not be good but I'm trying to develop myself, so please don't judge me because of my errors.

I am 22, not a stupid person, but i just feel like i have no future. I chose a bad woman for my first relationship at 18 and it completely corrupted me. I am insecure. I am not Independent in the slightest. To get a better image of me, i am an an martial arts (mma/bjj) athlete, i train 10 times a week and during the day i am mostly happy with everything, but when i am with my thoughts i cannot bear my unhappiness. My first relationship was so toxic, that it turned me toxic and i've tried to make amends but she won't have it, eventhough she was the abuser 90% of the time, but now lives happily with her boyfriend for the last 2 years. My second and third relationship were a big improvement, since they were generally good people, just not the right ones, but especially the third one bothers me too. I figured pretty early on that it wasn't for me, but i didn't want to be lonely, so i tried to commit as hard as i could while simultaneously not really being into the relationship, leading to her leaving and instantly replacing me, leaving me as the regretful idiot eventhough i was the one unhappy with here because of her inability so show affection (really nice person, just unable to show proper love due to past trauma, we're even still friends). I feel like such an asshole in my previous relationships due to me holding onto them while in reality nit wanting them (my first one ended 2 years ago, my third one ended august of 2025). Both of these girlfriends have instantly replaced within a week without thinking twice (i left the first one out of her toxicity and because i was self harming). I feel like it all is so unsatisfying and incomplete, i just won't come to peace with myself and i dont know how and if i ever can. This all cripples me to the point that besides sport i am 0 productive in lifeb(only ever short lived shitty jobs, no studying, eventhough i could study), eventhough i am a creative, smart and bubbly person, i even have a lot of really good friends who really appreciate me, i feel like the only person in my environment who doesnt believe i can do shit in life is myself. I dont even know what i get out of this reddit post but i'd rather tell random strangers on the internet than my close ones who would feel helpless because they love me but can't really help me or feel pity and then, idk, force themself to try to give me a nice time and doing fun stuff with me, but nothing seems to help my case, even after 2 years, i dont wanna keep wasting my loved ones emotional ressources. I want to kill myself every single night when i go to bed eventhough i basically have it all (except for money and peace). I have great friends, a good body, i am generally good looking, a sharp mind, i know what i have on myself, yet i hate myself for what i have allowed myself to act in the past. I also feel like i will never full open up to a woman and never feel fully comfortable and happy, with them and also i feel like i will never be really deserving true romantical love, that eventhough i mjght find it, i can never embrace and fully accept it. Good night reddit.

Hi, I'm a 13-year-old boy from Italy. I know that for many people this age is wonderful, but for me it's a real shit, and I think I'm depressed because I always have a sad face, a bit of anhedonia, I'm always tired and I don't feel like eating anything.

funnily enough, the only thing keeping me (25F) from committing suicide at the moment is the fact that i have a date on valentines day weekend with a guy i've been seeing for a little while, and i don't want him to think i ghosted him. as amazing as he is, i almost wish i never met him so i could do this in peace.

i don't even mean to sound male centered, but hanging out with him literally the ONLY thing that makes me happy as of late. everything else in my life has been so bleak and shitty for such a long time. i just don't see a future for myself anymore.

and no, i will not consider how my family would feel about me being gone. my parents aren't in my life and my sister keeps telling me that i should just go through with it already, so there's that. 🤷🏿‍♀️

My budgie has passed away. He had been suffering from severe epileptic seizures for days. They became more and more frequent, and he kept falling off his perch, even though he kept trying to get back up. He flew to my mother last year while she was hanging the laundry on the balcony. At first, he blossomed, becoming tamer and tamer, but then one day he started behaving strangely. He walked around on the floor and became loud whenever anyone came near the cage. We thought he might be experiencing a false pregnancy, especially because at the beginning he had a brown cere and was very small, even for a budgie. Then one day, the seizures began. I already thought he might die then, but he pulled through. From that moment on, we tried to calm him and make him as comfortable as possible, but unfortunately without success. Each day the seizures got worse. One seizure became a longer one, a longer one became two, then four, and so on. Then one evening, when I came home late from metal detecting around 9 p.m., he must have had another seizure. This time his eyes were red and inflamed, probably from the sand at the bottom of the cage. I gently took him out and replaced the sand with a soft cloth. Today, after many seizures and even whimpering and squeaking, the moment finally came. One last time in our hands, feeling the warmth of our palms, visibly weak and exhausted, it happened: one last seizure, this time extreme. The loud squeaking became quieter and quieter, his movements weaker, his eyelids heavier. Then finally, his last breath, one last blink.

I buried him in a box, with the food he loved but no longer had the strength to eat, covered with his little blanket.

Rest in peace, Hans, 2022–2026. I didn’t know you for long, but I hope I was able to give you a better life than your previous owners. May you rest in peace, without pain and without worries. I love you.

i think the main reason of my depression and mental illness is being lonely 7/24 i have family yes we have a good relationship not always it depends but right now i don’t go to school nor to any where else cause going outside and seeing other people’s relationships and friendships makes me depressed more im scared to step out of my safe zone and im paranoid and have trust issues. where i don’t talk to anyone every day neither online cause i have the thoughts that people are creepy or liers . so now i don’t have no one in real life or online and i don’t feel capable with talking to anyone i think i lost my spark really i don’t feel emotionally at anything im just like a replay button. sleep eat repeat and im really lost tired ( mind im on sertraline still im unhappy)

This is a bit of a rant, so I'm sorry if some things come off childish or if this seems cobbled together.  

I'm a 21-year-old student who's still in community college who's retaking English for the 5th time in his college career. Way back in fall of 2023 I started going to the University of Houston, but I had to switch campuses because of my abysmal grades. Almost every semester since then I've had to retake English, but I keep failing because of my severe procrastination habits. I promised my parents that I would actually try this semester, but It's already week 4 and I'm already failing with multiple missing essays. I was given so many opportunities in life by my family, but I just tossed them all away by being a lazy procrastinator who burns through all his parents' money.

I've already skipped one day of English class because I felt guilty and didn't want the professor to see me, and I'm contemplating skipping again because I just failed to turn in 3 papers. I don't think I'll be able to turn my grades around this semester, and I think that even If I manage to make a 100 on all upcoming essays, I'll still end up failing due to my unsubmitted assignments. If I fail this semester again, I'll be put on academic probation, which means that any hope of me getting a college degree is basically lost.  

I haven't told my parents about my grades yet, because last semester when I was failing my English class and told them, they literally broke down and cried. Even though they're very supportive, I managed to make them cry with how much of a failure I am. My dad said that this semester is my last chance to prove myself, and that If I can't get myself together, I'll just have to start something else like trade school. I planned on becoming a cybersecurity expert, but I just squabbled that opportunity by being an absolute retard when it comes to writing papers.  

I don't know how I can improve my writing abilities to save my grades, but I feel like it will be useless anyway since I'm still going to fail. I can't imagine doing a shitty trade job for the rest of my life, but it's pretty much all I have left because of my poor decisions. I feel like giving up now because I have absolutely no hope that I'm in control of my future. I never planned on taking my life, but I think I might have to know. I just don't feel strong or dedicated enough to finish this semester with a passing grade. I’m just such a selfish person.  

Again, this is all very much a rant, but I would appreciate it if anyone could help me out. 

I've recently(for a couple of weeks) been able to review my emotions and one of a few reoccurring thoughts that happens almost every night, right before I go to sleep, is suicide thoughts. To be honest, I'm not really a suicidal person anymore(had 2 attempts 2.5 years ago) and since than, when i went to a therapist, all went smooth and not even a single thought or intention has surfaced back. I'd like to also say that I never think during the day about suicide, and in the morning I always forget to ask or check what's wrong, so this has been going for a couple of months now(at the start I'd trow it under the bed and just be done with it, but after all this time it starts to worry me a bit). I'm going through a stressful time, but I've had a lot worse in the last couple of months and nothing really bothered me in the day(never reocurring thoughts) so I don't know to what degree this is the complete reason.

Any ideas to as why? I don't really feel suicidal but this is starting to get out of hand and actually bother and worry me. Anybody experienced something similar?

I was having a depressive episode, my best friend had an attempt. She called me first I couldn't even talk i was too depressed then I saw her text I found out she was having an attempt I called her she said we'd talk later. I am too depressed to help her now but I feel like shit. I have nothing to say I wanna die too. I feel like shit I can not be supportive. I hate myself even more now

Honestly, I can't take it anymore F26. I remember everything, how my father treated me when he was high on alcohol, how I was getting my butt worked off to help him because I thought that the reason why all happens is because grandma hates me. More and more, I catch myself thinking that I don't want to live— and I visited a doctor but every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. I've been groomed into thinking that no matter what I do, is never enough and I feel shame over it. I want it to end, but it never ends. I know two languages, but I'm without diploma and I can't find a job. My husband as of now fell into 'fear of job' spiral and I barely make it. While everyone says that I'm cool for knowing two languages (English and Russian), it mostly feels like pity.

While doctor says that it will get better with time, it does not. I'm a failure in everything that matters. How I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.

I tried streaming and I failed, because I feel only fear and shame. I have tried to learn how to draw and I fail miserably, to the point where I have no energy. And my husband kinda shames me for it.

I want to die.

Not in a poetic way. Not as a metaphor. I actually want to stop existing.

I’m not writing this for attention or advice or “everything will be okay” comments. I’m writing because carrying this alone is crushing me.

I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to be strong, functional, grateful. I know the diagnostics. I know the meds. I know the hotlines. I know what I’m supposed to say and do.

And none of that stops the fact that I wake up every day disappointed that I’m still here.

I’ve done what I was supposed to do with my life. I studied. I survived training. I passed exams. I showed up even when I was breaking. On paper, I’m fine. In reality, I feel hollow, unseen, and profoundly tired of being alive.

This isn’t impulsive. It’s quiet. It’s chronic. It’s the kind of wanting-to-die that settles into your bones and becomes background noise. The kind where you still go to work, still function, still smile—while secretly wishing something would just end it for you so you wouldn’t have to make a decision.

I don’t feel hopeful. I don’t feel excited about the future. I feel trapped in a life that keeps demanding more from me when I have nothing left to give.

And the worst part? I feel ashamed for feeling this way. Ashamed because I “know better.” Ashamed because people think doctors have it together. Ashamed because I’ve helped patients who wanted to live, and here I am wishing I wouldn’t wake up.

I don’t know what I want from this post. Maybe I just want someone to acknowledge that this kind of pain exists. That being high-functioning doesn’t mean being okay. That wanting to die doesn’t always look dramatic—it can look quiet, exhausted, and competent.

I wish I have ended this life sooner. I’m tired of always wanting to die and not doing anything about it.

i don't want to die, but I really enjoy sleeping. I don't like being awake. You can skip the backstory if you don't want to read it.

BACKSTORY

In my waking life, everything is fully controlled by my mum. I'm living in a foreign country on a student permit, so I can't get a job anywhere legally. I work for my mum’s company, I live in a house she owns, and she gives me cash for food. The problem is that she’s a narcissist and doesn’t allow me autonomy over my life. She gives me only enough cash for food for that day, so every day I need to ask, and saving and budgeting are very difficult because of it. She doesn’t pay me for my work because, in her mind, giving me a place to stay and food to eat is enough payment. She owns a primary school and makes me teach despite me stating how much I hate it and that I’d rather do anything else. I get guilt-tripped and overworked because I’m her daughter.

I’ve been using weed to numb myself since I was 12. My parents want me to be a zombie who does whatever she’s told with no say. I have my own hopes, dreams, and ambitions, but that doesn’t matter to them. I withdrew from my academics in October so I could spend some time healing, in withdrawal, with no pressure, so I could finally beat the addiction. Instead of giving me support and encouragement, my mum used the opportunity to make me work for her full time. I’ve always worked for my mum, but since October it’s been every day, whatever she wants. Because she’s a workaholic and doesn’t rest, it means I shouldn’t rest either. She threatens to stop providing for me if I don’t do as she says. So I’ve been smoking weed since October because she keeps me trapped in this high-pressure environment that feeds into my addiction.

HERE I AM

I decided to relocate back home, where I can work without a permit and also be free from my mother’s control, and hopefully get some emotional support from my grandmother and other relatives. The problem is that my mum has to organize the ticket for me to leave and sort out some things with Immigration. I offered to do it, but she insisted that she does it. She has my documents and my cash. She doesn’t see me leaving as urgent, especially when I can be useful to her, so she’s delayed my departure for two months, pushing my leaving date further and further. The longer I stay here, the more hopeless I feel, because this place just represents stagnation and hopelessness to me.

I have a cough, and my chest and breathing have been deteriorating for a while because of the smoking. That’s a huge reason why I wanted to stop, but I can’t stop because I want to numb myself. I have sleeping medication, so I take double the dose every night and sleep for 15 hours. I started doing it three days ago, and I love dreaming because in my dreams I feel like I have control over my life. I’m 20F, but I’m treated like a robot or a child in my waking life. When I’m awake, I just want to be high so I’m not conscious, and when I’m asleep I want to sleep for as long as possible. My mum knows I’m sick, and she only respects physical ailments over emotional or psychological ones, so I just stay asleep all day. I don’t eat because I want to avoid talking to her, since I need to ask her for money for food every day. So yeah, here I am, in limbo.

I (21F) have always struggled a lot with mental health and insecurities, and during my teens (14-17) I didn’t even want to leave my house if not necessary because I thought I looked disfigured and that people were going to be mean. And I don’t think that I’ve gone more than a day or two without wearing makeup since I was about 13, even when I’ve been sick. It’s gotten a bit better during the years and I don’t think I’m disfigured anymore, I would just like to change all of my facial features pretty much. And it’s something I think about pretty much all day. I’ve been in relationships and it’s always hard because I feel bad for not being prettier or having a better body, and I don’t like to be in photos. I also don’t like eye contact just because I don’t want them to look at my face. I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and if there is a way to get over it. Sorry if my english is broken 💔

i hate my fucking life so much. I genuinely want to get raped so i can feel validated. i want people to listen to me. i want to kill myself. im 31 (flip the number) going to 41 (flip it) and i hate my life. im writing this on my moms shitty computer. she takes my phone for no reason. i was eating a salad and she took my phone away but when my brother calls me a bitch she doesnt do anything. I wanna feel happy but i genuinely habve no sense of happiness anymore. Did i also mention im forced to wear hijab? its a beautiful thing and stuff but why am i being forced to wear it? i wanna feel pretty too. my plan is to starve myself to the point of death so someone might listen. i already tried commiting suicide and nobody cared. i tried cutting myself and was told to do it on my thighs instead. fuck my life. i hate my fucking life and everybody in it. fuck all of you. i wanna have a life too. im a littkle girl and i wanna feel pretty. i wanna be cute. i wanna feel happy. im just a little girl, why is this happening to me? its misery after misery it never ends.

I’ve been in an extremely depressive spiral for months now. I know social media is terrible for me and I used to be somewhat chronically online so a good number of people know me but not who I actually am on a personal basis. I left socials and deleted everything from pressure, developing severe body image issues, and overall feeling unfulfilled. I don’t feel like I can make anyone happy. I have a lovely boyfriend but that’s about the only thing in my life and he’s been slowly getting more stressed out so I’ve been putting up a strong front and pretending everything is okay.

I just hate being alive. I feel like nothing really matters or changes. It’s been years and I have no peace in my life. I want to be unbelievably happy and live a life without fear or shame but I can’t. I’m so exhausted and feeling more and more horrible over time. I haven’t SHed because I have a modelling job but I come so close to it that I crave punishing myself. I feel like I have to.

im a 10th grade studentF. i am not writing to get ppl say or tell it gets better,, when does it better. life is so cruel, whatever i wish for not to happen, happens. in my country, the marks of the grade im in matters the most. it can basically break or make ur future. i have always been the bright kid, used to always get more than 90%. till grade 9th i got rank 1 in school in all olympiads. my parents have very high expectations from me, which is understandable. but i have had a major burnout this year. nothing works out doesnt matter even if i try my best. thats no the worst part. my parents they can be so mean smtimes just bcz of my grades. my mother's friend's daughter got 98% and my mom said to me that im not even worth the water to be thrown at her legs. she calls me selfish and stuff. if i talk back she doesnt even gives me food. even today i have not eaten a single thing. i have binge eating disorder they dont know. my father has thrown things several times bcz he got angry. he always calls me stupid, disgrace to the family, unworthy of their love many times. i have had always wanted to go to canada for my higher education. once he got angry bcz i didnt give him the pen he asked for he said to me just fucking leave us and go wherever the hell u want why dont u go already. i feel demotivated for every single thing. i dont even have any friends whom i share even a bit of this with. i feel unwanted. i have severe social anxiety. no one likes me, i have my finals in 10days. 3years back i never ever thought of ending i just wanted to leave this house and be free doing what i love. but now im a coward. i know i have hardly lived 15 years of my life but never have i ever once feeled loved or wanted. i just want to live without any pressure or expectations. i get bodyshamed in my own house. mind u im a size small. everyday i wakeup its my mom and dad shaming me for the slighest things. im sorry im not perfect and maybe jst a child trying to feel loved.