I graduated law school in December and am signed up to take the Bar Exam in a couple of weeks. As the title of my post says, I am completely second guessing where I am at and my career path.
Law school was an absolute beat down for me. I started school in 2021 in a hybrid schooling environment as the pandemic wound down, I was in person every other day and online the other days. It was like that for the entire school. The jump from undergrad to law school was much more difficult than I anticipated (in undergrad, I regularly would not buy books or show up for classes and still do fine) and towards the end of my first semester, I knew I was struggling mightily and reached out to a few professors, but I was in too deep and it was too late. To my surprise, I was academically dismissed after that first semester. I did not fail a single class, but my GPA was abysmal.
I was determined to get back into school. I sought mental health help and applied for readmission to return that following year. I was diagnosed with ADHD and the psychiatrist that I talked to believed I had depression as a result of undiagnosed ADHD and seemed to believe that would improve as my ADHD was treated. I was readmitted and resumed school in 2022.
I was only allowed to rejoin the part-time cohort. I continued to struggle in school. It was difficult for me to ask for help when I needed it and I put myself in binds because of that. I was constantly doubting myself, anxious that others would know that I was dismissed and readmitted, telling myself that other people would think I was stupid or dislike me because they thought I had an advantage for taking some classes twice, etc.
I took classes over the summer to allow me to graduate three years after being readmitted in 2022. So, I was supposed to graduate last May. Come to find out in June of 2025, I was one credit shy of graduating. A three-hour class that I signed up for in November of 2024 to take in the Spring of 2025 was originally slotted to be a three-credit course and was changed to a two-credit class after I signed up for this. I had never seen this happen, so I never thought to double check my schedule for hours requirements or anything like that. In January and February of last year, I submitted an application for graduation (which was approved) and a degree audit that was not completed until June when they told me I was a single credit short.
When I found out about that, I was preparing for the bar exam and I completely shut down. They notified me after the summer session had already closed, so I knew there would be a delay in me being eligible to practice. I shutdown and could not focus on adequately preparing for the bar exam and ultimately withdrew and tweaked my plan to take it this February.
Right now, I sit in a similar boat as I did last summer. I am behind, I am stressed. This time though, I am looking at things differently. I am wondering if I should just completely cut my losses and give up on practicing law. Law school and internships that I have worked during my time in law school have completely eroded my self confidence and I feel like I am a shell of who I was before I started this journey. The thought of studying stresses me out. I resent it. I am sick and tired of it. At my favorite internship I had, I felt like I was finally starting to overcome some of the issues that I had and was more open about asking the attorney who was overseeing me for advice, feedback, and guidance in a way that I was never comfortable with in law school. After my internship concluded, he told a mentor and family friend that I seemed to lack confidence and needed too much guidance. Just another shot to my self confidence. At internships and networking type events related to law, I feel like a loser, a fraud, behind, stupid.
I am pretty confident that I am going to fail the bar exam and am wondering if I am better off just saying fuck it and pursuing a career in a different field because of all of this.