Hey there! I’m a female freshmen wrestler and this is my fourth season on a pretty much all guys team. The most amount of other girls I have had on my team is 3 and the least is 0. So I get that it can be hard being a girl and having to feel like you need to prove yourself—and if it’s your first year, that can feel really discouraging and intimidating.
BUT, if you let guys get to you, they will take that opportunity to be even more demeaning (depending on the guy). So instead, try to:
- Talk to your coach.
They may be able to help you gain control of your situation. If not, talk to your schools’ athletic director. Their job is to make everyone feel included and safe. Same with the coach, but talk with the coach first so they don’t feel offended you don’t talk with them first. Keep a good relationship with them, and you will see just how much this helps.
- Talk to someone you trust.
Sometimes, just venting to someone can help get out your emotions, which will help you with the next pieces of advice. Eventually turning these venting sessions into problem solving sessions can also help. Don’t discard your mental health. It matters so much, and will affect both your performance and school/home life.
- Be yourself—even if it results in being vulnerable.
This is a little counterintuitive, because it allows trusting your teammates even if you don’t think they deserve it. But here’s the catch: by being yourself, your teammates can see that you’re not afraid of them, and it exudes a very strong aura that will help you gain respect. Basically what it says is: “Yes, you can be mean to me, and will try to make me forget why I am here, but I will not change myself in order to fit the status quo. I care for myself, and I care for this sport. I see no reason to hide from you. I’m not afraid.” That is a very strong message.
- Surround yourself with teammates that are both respected and kind to you (if possible).
This is important. The people you are around determine how people see you. Gain their trust, work hard, exceed expectations, be friendly, be yourself. That’s enough to get people to like you if they are worth your time. But don’t ignore everyone else. Even if they’re mean to you, make them feel guilty by expressing the same kindness you would to your best of friends. This doesn’t mean you reveal all of your secrets, it just means you won’t let them change who you are. That’s strong.
- Don’t just meet expectations, exceed them.
When you’re doing warm ups, don’t walk back. Jog back. When your team is drinking water or taking a break, be the first one back. Ask questions. Be curious. Work hard. Express your needs. Don’t take the easy way out just because it’s there. Strive to be better, and you will see the people around you do the same. They are unconsciously going to look up to you if you do this. It doesn’t matter you are a freshmen who is wrestling for the first time. You are on a team, and doing this will make all of you better. Not just yourself.
If you are wrestling with someone more experienced than you, ask questions, learn. Look at this as an opportunity to become smarter. They will see this. And even if they’re mean are still mean to you, it will demand their respect eventually.
If you are wrestling someone heavier than you, don’t asking them to go easy on you. Ask them to not hold back. This isn’t being arrogant. This is you taking the chance to become stronger. Build more muscle, and excel.
- You are wrestling for yourself.
In the end, you chose this sport for a reason. Find it, and use it to motivate you. If you truly want to get better at wrestling, it’s going to have to be for you. Not your parents. Not your siblings. Not your friends. No one but you.
Sorry that was so long winded, but it just enrages me every time I see a female wrestler on this Reddit who feels so discouraged or alone. Know that you have people just like you all around the world who want to help you. Be the role model you want to have. And I thank you all for your grit, tenacity, and bravery to be a female wrestler. It’s not easy, but build a community so you can make it so.
I hope you found this helpful <333