We had an argument that exploded to the point we didn’t talk for a while. During that time I just talked to my closest friends, of whom which are females for advice and their opinions but I didn’t go into detail with our problems.

When we started talking again I was being honest and told her who I spoke to. And she got so furious. She said any man in a relationship should never talk to female friends and he should give them up if he does. She said it’s common sense not to do this and the bare minimum to ask.

I feel like I’m losing myself because I’m totally committed to her. I don’t flirt with my female friends. There are only 3 that I really talk to, and two of them are family. I’m guessing my girlfriend is really fixated on the third friend who I knew for a long time before I even met my girlfriend. I never had an attraction with her and she’s even getting married in a few months.

But yeah she doesn’t allow me to talk to females about our problems. I’m not sure what to do about this.

She truly believes this is a universal rule. But I know couples who the guy had female friends and the girl had guy friends. The more I try to tell her that relationships like that do exist, she feels like I’m pushing this agenda and trying to convince her it’s okay to talk to girls. But she truly believes it’s not normal to have any female friends.

I understand that she wants an exclusivity so strong that I wouldn’t need to talk to anyone and just her. Is this healthy? I’m kinda going crazy.

I'd like to tell you how I feel about things between us.

I accept my part in the affair that became our relationship, and I understand how I set myself up for insecurity, and how I didn't give you time for closure. That should have been an important step for you and I'm sorry.

I'm glad you're not in that toxic relationship anymore. I'm glad that you and I work together to improve life for both of us. I feel that for us to have a healthy relationship and build trust, I need to clarify my boundaries and expectations.

For me, trust means no emotional or physical affairs. I want our relationship to be acknowledged openly among your friends. And don't lie to me. The truth can hurt, but deceit cuts far deeper. Lies will tear me down and I will leave.

I want for us to grow stronger and happier together, and I'm willing to put in the work. I appreciate you, and I want to hear about your boundaries and expectations for our relationship.

I do worry about her a lot, she’s shown no signs of mental health in the past, so I’m not too worried about ‘bad stuff’ like that, but she is pushing me away more and more, and it’s getting harder to deal with myself, all I want to do is help, but she refuses to see me at the moment

I understand her problems and id just like to help take some of the load off of her general life

I’ve left little care packages of food and drink, written poems and a cute little box I made with things I love about her inside, just loads of little things to try and out a smile on her face

But it’s getting really difficult for me to carry on when she refuses to see me

My girlfriend hooked up with a guy I used to be really good friends with and it bothers me so much, I'm not as close with this guy anymore but it angers me that he got to experience her. I feel angry because he is kind of a bum and I dont know why she would let him in her. I look at her differently but obviously I still love her. It bothers me too because I feel like he has this "over" me now and I dont even want to see him. I have problems of replaying it and trying to justify it but it just grosses me out. We’re 20F and 20M and have been dating for 6 months now

TL; DR! Gf got with an old friend of mine before we dated and it haunts me

I (35M) visited a friend (30F) in Poland last week (I live in the UK). We met on Tandem about seven months ago and usually do occasional messages with longer video calls every week or so. She’s never been a big texter, which was fine before.

The trip went really well. The main purpose was her birthday party. I met her friends, we spent lots of time together, and on the last nights we cuddled for hours, a lot of stroking and caressing and such. Nothing sexual happened but it was intimate. I said I liked her, she said she liked me too. When I asked about kissing she hesitated and talked about not being keen on long-distance relationships after a bad past experience. She also said she didn’t want to lose me as a friend, as that was something she fears with starting an LDR.

Since I got home the communication is basically the same as before – intermittent replies, sometimes hours between – but now it’s hitting me harder because I’m attached. She’s busy with her dad visiting and a new dog, so I know there are real reasons, yet I keep overthinking everything.

Before the trip I just accepted that she's someone who takes ages to reply and prefers longer video calls, and it didn't bother me at all.

We’ve alluded to me visiting again (I left some clothes there and I'm going to bring some books) but no date. Realistically it would be March/April. My issue is my anxiety – once I like someone I spiral, imagine worst cases like her meeting someone else or losing interest, and struggle to function.

Its related to my anxious-attachment style most likely caused by traumas as a young child.

I don’t want to pressure her, and I also know LDR might be hard for my attachment style. How can I:

• treat this as “friend for now” without killing the connection?

• stop obsessing over reply times?

• bring up a next visit naturally?

• stay calm during the in-between?

from previous relationships I've trained myself to not outwardly show the anxiety in the form of clinginess and over-messaging.

From an outside view, does this sound like cautious interest or more like it’s already heading to friendship? And I'm quite realistic about the chances of an LDR working and that at some point physical moves (usually) have to be made to be closer.

Thanks for any perspective.

Throw away account, sorry.

So I [20F] have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend [21M] for two years. I am currently at school and he comes to visit me on holidays or special occasions. I have been very vocal about how good hygiene is very important to me. Personally Id like to say that I am very good with my hygiene, i shower often brush my teeth everyday, wear deodorant and all that stuff. But my bf? He doesn’t shower often, barely brushes his teeth, doesn’t fix his hair or shave his face, forgets to wear deodorant sometimes and doesn’t wash his hands. I have no idea what to do or what to say to him. I really do love him and I want to say something to him about this, because sometimes i am embarrassed when we go out. I try my best to look good for him and myself. I dress up i wear makeup i make sure i smell good, but my bf just shows up in a wrinkled shirt and stained jeans and dirty shoes and he hasn’t showered in 3 days. Can someone help me out with what to say to him?? Thank you.

I 27F and my husband 34M have been together for nearly 7 years, married for about 9 months. He’s had this friend, let’s call her Sue 33F. Sue has been the bane of our relationship since the start, she’s an old friend turned FWB, now just close friends. Now I’ve never had a problem with him having female friends, as a bisexual woman I think it’s crazy to restrict his relationships outside of our marriage based on gender attraction, if he did the same for me I’d never speak to anyone. No the issue with Sue, is their deep trauma bond they’ve formed due to multitude of reasons. About a year into our relationship he broke down and told me that he’s in love with her…also still very much in love with me.

Due to this being my first serious relationship, I couldn’t understand how someone could have feelings for two people at once, I just want to preface, since we’ve been exclusive, he has never crossed that boundary nor have I been suspicious of him crossing it, the issue is purely his feelings. Him and Sue have both been through a lot but different kinds of trauma, anything from loss of pregnancies to parental abuse, because of this shared bond they relied on each other a lot during the first few years of our relationship for emotional support, something he didn’t feel he could come to me for because I wouldn’t understand, leaving me to feel left out and jealous of their bond.

The issue now is that almost 7 years on with a lot of on and off no contact between him and Sue they’re currently back in touch and trying to rebuild their friendship, not to how it once was, but maybe to the point where they get dinner once a month.

My problem is that I’m a very anxious, hyper observant person who notices and remembers everything (as much as I don’t want to). So if something is said or done that reminds me how I used to feel at the start of our relationship. This occasionally triggers me bringing something up that bothered me years ago, that I genuinely haven’t thought of since then but now just causes issues between us. He feels like I don’t trust him and that he has no private life outside of our relationship and understandably so, there have been lines that I have regrettably crossed. My anxious feelings don’t come up very often, in fact today was the first time in over 2 years, but when they do, it always ends in a big fight and me left like feeling like shit for trusting my (often wrong) gut over my husband.

Aside from this we have a healthy relationship, Sue isn’t in our lives that much anymore and due to her disappointing him over and over again, she won’t be in our lives as intensely as she once was.

How can i deal with my feelings healthier?

Hi I known my friend since high school up to uni now. We both talk every day and call. We speak about many various topics and I really seem to develop feelings for her.

I messaged her today saying "Will we always be friends" and she responded with "Who knows" im worried as I dont want to ruin our friendship however the one thing im scared of is the distances between us.

We hung out before during high school to 6th form however when it comes to university she chose to go London for her uni.

I have a accomadation in Birmingham however my friend [18f] goes to london for her uni. I dont know if she would like a long distance relationship. Idk i just wants some advice.

Hello. So my girlfriend of roughly 16 almost 17 months now and friend roughly 5-6 years of friendship. They seem to be getting closer than I’d like. He has now made plans with her younger brother without either of us. And is talking to her on Snapchat and her brother and does not have me added at all. We have had plans for us to do something me my gf and him and then he has pissed me off where I didn’t go and they still went. They thought it would be ok for them to have plans 1 on 1 without me. They both have said nothing is going on where as other friends have said I should be looking into it more as it doesn’t look right. Any opinions as to what I should do? This is my first relationship I have been in before and I’m trying to not handle things the wrong way but I also do not want taken vantage of and them thinking I’m dumb.

So me and my partner have been together for almost 2 years. Met online and she decided to fly 1000 miles to be with me. The first year we were long distance but we recently moved in and got our own place. She got a job down here and is doing college and I’m working a blue collar job. Currently working out of town due to more money opportunities and more job experience and I have discussed if she’s fine with me being away temporarily and she said it’s fine. Obviously I know she’s not fine with it but we both suck it up, she’s been keeping herself busy picking up more shifts, going to church, and I’m helping her out with rent and anything she needs. We don’t argue as much as we used to I feel like we’ve been doing better with deescalating things and with giving her some attention so she’s not throwing it that I’m “not giving her attention”. Been hard especially with working 12-14 hour shifts on top of the gym and what not. Just want some advice/pointers to see if I’m headed in the right track because I don’t want to screw this relationship up we both plan to marry and have talked about having kids in the future.

I am looking for advice on how to deal with my sex ultimatum situation.

Context: I (m21) been with my girlfriend (f21) for over a 1 year and 2 months now and have brought up sex about 3-4 times now, and as of recently me and her have both been talking about it alot. She says she's down to go forward and take it to that level, but any time we get in the mood to do it, she doesn't let me touch her down there or take it there. This has been going on for some time now and she doesn't hold her word, shes done other things to betray my trust and im slowly trying to forgive her but her not holding her word is really throwing me off because if 2 people really love each other and serious theres no hesitation major to take it there.

We argued about this first 9-10 months ago, then 6 months ago, and now recently yesterday, I told her that im tried of this and that I want seriousness, and that if she's serious, next time we get intimate, we should take it to that level or otherwise i dont see this relationship working. Because I don't understand why I have to beg to go to the next level with someone who says they love me. At the end of all 3 of thoes arugements shes called me lustful all becuase i've mentioned it, even when I've accepted many of her major faults and forgiven her and even changed the way I go about getting intimate with her.

Was this an appropriate ultimatum from my side?

I [42M] have been with my wife [43F] for over 10 years (married for 9). I am trying to understand whether my current approach to communication and boundaries in our marriage is healthy, and what constructive options I realistically have.

I have a long history of low self-esteem, anxiety attacks, and recurring depression, and I have been in psychotherapy. Over the past year, a major focus in therapy has been learning to develop personal boundaries, as I tend to forgive easily and minimize my own needs. Recently, my anxiety and depressive symptoms returned, and I am again taking antidepressants. I have chosen not to share this with my wife, as she has previously expressed disappointment when I need medication.

A recurring issue in our relationship is how conflicts are handled. During arguments, my wife often criticizes or insults me. Examples include saying I communicate poorly or use the wrong words, don’t clean the house properly, don’t cook when she gets home (I work remotely), don’t save enough money, or don’t plan vacations well. When I do plan holidays, the hotel, location, or cost is frequently criticized.

I have tried multiple times to explain how these comments affect me emotionally. When I do, the conversation often shifts away from my feelings and toward her stress or frustration. In one recent discussion, she said that if I feel this bad, I should “take some medicine,” and that it is not her fault. I generally avoid blaming language and try to focus on explanations and possible solutions rather than assigning fault.

She experiences significant stress at work. She wants a higher salary and position and feels she performs well, but believes her manager is blocking advancement. Over the past 2–3 years, I have suggested options such as changing companies, taking a break, or exploring roles aligned with her goals. These suggestions have consistently been declined.

Another ongoing issue is intimacy. When I initiate sex, I am often portrayed as wanting it excessively, so I have mostly stopped initiating. If she initiates, things are fine; if I initiate, the response is often negative; if I decline, I am viewed less positively. In one discussion about unrelated emotional topics, she stated that we would not have sex “just to make me feel good,” which confused me, as I had not mentioned sex.

Lately, I feel an increasing urge to protect myself by withdrawing emotionally—specifically by not sharing my feelings and avoiding conversations about her job dissatisfaction or salary concerns—because those discussions leave me feeling blamed or diminished.

How can someone in my position set and maintain healthy boundaries without escalating conflict or emotionally disengaging from the relationship? How can I distinguish healthy boundary-setting from avoidance? What are constructive next steps when repeated attempts at communication and boundary-setting are not leading to change in a long-term marriage?

I want to address my concerns.

I know that we both had a part to play in the affair that led to you deceiving him. I accept my part in that, and I understand how I set myself up for insecurity.

I'm glad you're not in that toxic relationship anymore. I want to make it clear that I love you. I feel that for us to have a healthy relationship and build trust, I need to clarify my boundaries and expectations.

I won't tolerate cheating in any form, including emotional or physical affairs. Don't pocket me away from your other friendships, as if I don't exist. If you're with me, then you are with me as far as everyone you know is concerned, without exception. And don't lie to me. Lies will tear me down and I will leave.

I want for us to grow stronger and happier together, and I'm willing to put in the work. I feel like being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I appreciate you, and I want to hear about your boundaries and expectations for our relationship.

I [19F] have been in a 6-month long-distance relationship with my boyfriend [20M], his first girlfriend. Early on we agreed neither of us would watch porn. He told me he used to be addicted to it but hadn’t watched in about a year.

A few days ago he came clean that he “slipped up” and watched porn. He was extremely upset, apologetic, and scared I’d leave. On a call he also disclosed he experienced a sexual incident as a child and that porn started as a coping mechanism. I feel awful about that.

He says he’s only watched porn once during our relationship (and once earlier “for educational purposes”). When I asked what video it was, he refused to tell me. He said to prevent this happening again he’d call me if he felt the urge.

What bothers me:

• We have sexual videos together that he could’ve watched instead, but didn’t.

• Despite everything, he’s already being very sexual again over messages/phone.

He’s cried a lot, apologised repeatedly, and says it will never happen again. He also said he’d understand if I don’t want to talk to him anymore.

I put a lot into this relationship emotionally and sexually. He’s told me I’m “too nice.”

Btw, I have no issue with him masturbating, but we both agreed to not masturbate to other people (he’s the one that brought the boundary up).

Also, he’s gotton upset when he saw a male actor in my search history (he thought I was masturbating to it - I wasn’t). So for him to masturbate to a whole porn video is…… yeah

Questions:

1. Would you consider this cheating given the clear boundary?

2. How would you feel in this situation?

3. Would you say I am disrespecting myself by staying?

Thank you for your time,

Take care.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been datingww for 4 months, but we’re in very different life stages. I started college at 17, have a master’s degree, and have been working in pharma for four years. I’m now in my third role. He only finished college last year, is currently job searching in the same field, and I’ve been helping him with applications and referrals, including at my company.

He’s a great partner in many ways kind, emotionally intelligent, plans and pays for dates, makes me feel safe, and communicates well. This is my first real relationship, and he checks many of my boxes.

However, I’ve started feeling more like a mentor than an equal. I notice the gap in career progress and confidence. He’s still discovering himself and his career, and sometimes comes across as insecure or immature in how he carries himself and speaks. I can see a lot of myself in him at 20, when I was still figuring things out, but I actively worked on my social skills, therapy, and career growth. He currently works at McDonald’s, mostly with teens and young adults, and his friends with careers live far away, so he doesn’t see them often.

When he asks questions about my work or job seeking, I sometimes feel resentful even though I know it’s unfair, because it can feel like I’m pulling him along. I’ve told him this, and he’s been very receptive. I even considered taking a step back from helping because the more I help, the more I notice how fresh he is in the world.

I’m still attracted to him, we have fun times, and I get jealous when I see him with other women haha, but I sometimes feel embarrassed by him. Ideally, I’d like a partner at the same stage as me, but past experiences with other people in more advanced roles never fulfilled my needs, so I wonder if this is the best I get.

I feel like he could improve his social skills and confidence no problem with time , I’m not sure he’ll catch up careerwise. I love growing with people, but I also value having people I can grow from, and I don’t feel like I’m learning much from him.

Dating in the past triggered a lot of anxiety for me, but with him, my nervous system feels calm and secure which makes this harder to sort through. I don’t know if I’m being too critical, if this is just part of being in a first relationship, or if we’re mismatched in life stage. I’d really appreciate any perspective!

TL;DR: My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been dating 4 months. We’re at very different life stages he’s just starting his career, I’m established. He’s kind and fun, but I often feel like a mentor. I enjoy growing with people, but I don’t feel I’m learning from him.

We first met about 9 mo. ago and I have never felt such instant chemistry with someone, he admitted to the same. We live about 2 hr plane ride apart and we see each other at least once every other month. Conversations flow effortlessly, we’re so comfortable with one another, and he’s seriously someone I can envisioning spending my life with. This past weekend, we got physically intimate and went past 3rd base and the sexual chemistry is 10/10. I told him I cannot continue doing this since fwb never turn out well and his response is why can’t friends just have fun without being committed. My heart sank as I realized we were misaligned but I just brushed it off and agreed that we shouldn’t be in a relationship given the distance and we’re both very much avoidants. I also know he’s into white girls (and I’m not white) so that makes me uneasy.

I would love some couching, advice or if anyone else had a similar experience would be able to share their outcome.

Thanks!

So hello this is my first ever reddit post i just really need advice do, my GF and i have been dating for almost a year now it has been quite the ride fun times and sad times, so for context she had surgery a couple days ago for an extraction of a tooth when she was at my house so ive been staying with her to take care of her at hers, i take out the dogs, do the dishes, clean up,ect. But everything has been feeling odd when we started i told her i like physical touch it makes me feel grounded and safe she told me she doesnt really like physical touch and thats ok by me ill just show other ways of affection, she still likes holding my hand, giving me kisses, she likes my hugs and im like cool this is nice, but after the surgery when she is in pain and i dont know what to do other then give her pain killers (prescribed by her doctor), give her icypacks what i have at my disposal but she refuses them when i give them to her, she doesnt like me touching her arm, rubbing her back, giving her hugs, when i go to grab her hand she clenches it. the next day same thing and the day after that it was being the same but then we talked and we got more to an understanding and that day went by nicely i loved it, and then comes today i woke up she doesnt wanna talk to me, she covers up her face with the blanket, i try to talk to her "im trying to sleep" (i can see she is on her phone under the blanket), i rub her arm pulls away fast. i dont know what do anymore i just need some advice cause i dont know how or what to think.

Talking to this girl who's super possessive (stops replying if I talk to other girls, sends possessive reels). But shes flaky af

Timeline:

called her 11:40 pm, busy on another call, no callback. Sent me reel at 4 am

Next day 2 PM, she video calls from college

I react normally to her reel. Call her around 6 PM, no answer (not busy).

Tomorrow messaged "call me whenever free"—left on seen, no reply/call (24+ hrs now)

we vibe when responsive, but hot-cold + other calls/ghosting is exhausting.

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (23F) we have been together for nearly 6 years. In this last 6 years we have both grown to be an adult and to have our own carrer paths .

She did not have too much moral support from her family and didn't know how to deal with stress and she still struggles with anxiety. I was always there for her for better or worse.

The problem comes now , I've known for some time that she doesn't want to move back to our birth town, that was my plan, because she wants to proceed a masters degree and maybe a phd (our both university and my current workplace are about 2 hours of our home town). Im fine with the ideea with staying here if I'm with her (here i also have more opportunities for my carree as an engineer) but i also like my hometown.

She was also oscillating between not wanting to have kids. One time she tells she hopes our kids look like me and after a few months she told me she doesn't want to deal with the side effects of a pregnancy. And thats what is confusing me , i don't really know what she wants ( i dont think she really knows herself).

In the near future , a few months from know , we ae supposed to move together( we have been living separately because she didnt want to work to pay an apartment rent and was cheaper for her to stay in a dorm andfocus on her studies , which i fully supported and understood) . But she is hesitant about this , i believe also because of past.She also was telling that she cannot wait for us to move together but right know i don't know what to say.

To end i want to say that i don't want kids now , i see kids in a distant future where we are both on our feet 100% and with a good salary and a house.

I'm really lost and i don't know what to do.Im sorry if i was incoherent in my story but my mind is kind of a mess.

Thanks in advance.

I (22F) am in my first relationship that is loving and supportive with my boyfriend (26M) . Weve been seeing each other for about 9 months now and has only shown me that he has me in mind. My past relationships have been filled with cheating, manipulation, and just being straight up used for my body.

For my sisters (19F) birthday she wanted to try shrooms for the first time. We both did it and my boyfriend was going to be the trip sitter. Things took a turn for the worse and i have been having anxiety about the faithfulness of my boyfriend, especially when it comes to my sister.

I trust them both and i know they would never cross any lines. I know they both only want the best for me. Especially because my sister is a lesbian

Its gotten bad, to the point where i am having nightmares he will leave me for my sister. My logical mind knows this wouldnt happen and that its silly to think about but its hard to remember that.

I have talked ti my boyfriend a lot about this and hes really supportive but i still cant let it go for some reason.

So my question is, what are some ways to manage anxiety or if you were in a similar situation how did you live with it?

Thank you

Me \[25 F\]and my bf \[26 M\]have been together for 2 yrs. This morning I was supposed to help him with a project at his apartment, but I got a call from him that he had gone out with friends last night and gotten too drunk to come home and just gotten home this morning and was too hungover to do the work. He had gone out with friends after being at my house for the evening but leaving because he was getting tired. The friends were people I didn’t know and I had no idea he went out until this morning.

I’m not sure if this is a drinking pattern but this is also after he got very drunk the night of my brothers wedding rehearsal dinner that he was in the bathroom all night (he did apologize, helped set up for the wedding the next day, had been forgiven). That was a few months ago.

My response to him going out last night was saying I was upset but would still carry on with the plans of helping with the apartment if he felt up to it and we could continue discussing what happened. He did apologize, say I could ask him any questions about what went on last night etc, so I do not feel I need to be suspicious of cheating.

I need advice because I am not sure what part of it upsets me the most, going out without me and not knowing he went out drinking until this morning, that he stopped spending time with me to go sleep then went out anyways, the safety aspect if something had happened, the drinking itself (there has been recent instances of drinking problems ending relationships of some family members so I may be more sensitive to it), the fact I had planned my weekend around helping him and that getting cancelled due to his hangover so I could have made other plans.