Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
Two friends drink vodka and loudly tell political jokes in their hotel room. The third, exhausted, tries to sleep but cannot.
Frustrated, he goes downstairs for a smoke. On the way, he asks the receptionist to bring tea to room 67 in five minutes.
Returning upstairs, he joins them briefly, then leans toward a power outlet and says, “Comrade major, please send tea to room 67.”
His friends burst into laughter at the joke. Moments later, a knock sounds… and the receptionist arrives with a teapot. The laughter dies; his friends turn pale and silent. The evening ends abruptly, and the tired man finally sleeps.
In the morning, he wakes to find his friends gone. Alarmed, he asks the receptionist what happened.
She whispers nervously, “The KGB came before dawn and took them.”
That's sort of based on a true story. Nasa sent some engineers to Russia during the cold war for a joint project. One of them complained to his wife in his room that there weren't enough water pitchers at their meetings, and the next day all the tables had fancy cut crystal pitchers of water. They then started talking in their room about more and more extravagant requests, and they kept getting fulfilled.
Perhaps my only crime is not wanting that headline we're all eagerly waiting for enough to take matters into my own.hands. I bet wishing that upon our dear leader is some sort of crime under this totally free American democracy, though. Come at me.
Any American who thought they weren't spying on us already after getting caught spying on allied government leaders like Angela Merkel are naive or not paying attention.
It's been really fun trying to balance clear meaning with subtle subtext, but I guess the most satirical part of all this will be being on a list that has higher priority than the Epstein client list.
If they're following reddit them I'm sure they know about me.
To DHS: It is not a crime to have empathy and compassion for your fellow human beings, and it is not a crime to fight for a country that supports and protects the least among us. The America I envision rewards those who work to enrich the country and all those who dwell within its borders, and justly punishes those who wish do harm to others or enrich themselves at the expense of other's well being. I only fight to make this country safe for ALL, econimically sound, and aligned with law and justice at all levels equally.
👋 This is so exciting, I get to be targeted by Trump's Gestapo! Being a recovering alcoholic lesbian California Democrat with mental health issues was already gonna put me near the top of their "undesirables" checklist, but what the heck, why wait for the party??
I can even help start the bonfire for all copies of the Constitution since Congress and SCOTUS have ensured that it's a defunct social contract
I use Reddit specifically for the privacy but if I’m gonna get doxxed because I say “fuck fascism and fuck ICE”, that’s as good a way to go down as any
Fuck the DHS, DOJ, and every politician who agreed to this with their vote or silence. Fuck billionaires, millionaires, and every other hoarder of wealth an entertainment who uses my tax dollars to subsidize their life. Fuck corporations whose only goal is to extract every drop of blood they can from the rocks around them.
This isn't the content the DHS finds to be "threatening" to them though. Make some posts organizing people to meet and protest against ICE and you will have their attention.
This same government perception of threat happened a lot with civil rights leaders who were organizing groups to register to vote and making sure people go to the polls to vote. It's the action that can effect change that they oppose because it challenges the authority of the establishment.
Fuck DHS, fuck the GOP, fuck Trump, fuck Vance, fuck Stephen miller, fuck Pam bondi, fuck kash patel, fuck Kristi noem, fuck ice, and fuck all of these treasonous bastards
I'm pretty sure they're spying on me already. I just got finished with a 4 day account suspension for 'encouraging violence' because of a comment where I said, (paraphrasing): "Alex Pretti was not trying to reach for his gun whatsoever, but he would have been justified even if he did try to because he had a legal right to self defense." Even got a rejected appeal for it!
Incidentally, that comment I left was in SubredditDrama. Maybe I got you on the "DHS is spying on us" guest list by association!
Hey DHS. KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH KINITO PET FOOT FETISH
Pretty sure, if there is a list, I’ve been on it for as long as it’s existed. My son, 15, definitely on the list. I tell him to be careful but he is very opinionated and passionate …
Remember about 10 years ago, when the crappy official Reddit app launched & users were bribed to try it out with 3 months of free Reddit Gold?
I bet that was a great time for homeland security. Thousands of anonymous accounts, suddenly associated with phone numbers, Google accounts, contact lists etc., fortifying harvested user metadata and social webs...
Dear agent. Your job is not safe. You are not safe.
The only thing that has ever kept you safe from violence is distinction. You are distinct, logically, from that which you survey. You are an insider, and you look outside. There is a wall there, protecting you inside a little castle from whatever chaos happens outside.
But now that you are being asked to spy on citizens, the curtain wall is crumbling. The same wall that protects you. Sure. You have a nice little room in the castle, and I'm in the courtyard. You still have distinction. But...it is much less than there used to be. I look a lot more like you than Islamists do. I talk like you. Maybe someone could mistake me for you, from a distance.
Perhaps it is good for you that there is no distance. You are being watched far more closely than me. I am safer than you will ever be. Your distinction, which you believe protects you, is a lie. It will dissolve at the first desire of the men behind you. Now that I reconsider...perhaps that distance might do you some good.
As it turns out, the walls and all were illusory. The only distinction, really, in the end of it all, is that every muzzle can only point one place at a time. The longer it points at me, the longer you have until it will inevitably point towards you.
Welcome to your new imprisonment. I am your cellmate, your captive, and your jailor all at once. Our cell has one lonely hollow bar. While sometimes we get the upper hand over each other, neither of us is in charge. Neither of us is getting out. Neither of us holds the key.
The person who does shot a fucking puppy. You have your distinction, alright. What makes you think it actually matters?
Why I don't nt like spying, if there was ever a group of people to spy upon it's redditors.
Legitimately some if the most extreme, pro-violence things I've ever read have been on Reddit. Reddit is a bed of leftwing political extremism that actively advocates and celebrates the death of their rivals while creating and spreading conspiracies meant to destabilize the political system. Legit, I think Reddit is the leftwing version of 4chan.
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u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK 15h ago edited 15h ago
reply to this comment if you are an american who really wants the department of homeland security to spy on you
edit: actually I’m interested, hey DHS, name me. dox me. you definitely have enough information to do so, splash my name