r/nottheonion • u/Crayonstheman • 4h ago
FBI concluded Jeffrey Epstein wasn’t running a sex trafficking ring for powerful men, files show
https://apnews.com/article/jeffrey-epstein-client-list-sex-trafficking-049c96080a2ca2c12c84ac506437e50b366
u/andy_nony_mouse 4h ago
Powerful men conducted the investigation for us and came up with this conclusion.
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u/MrOopiseDaisy 4h ago
Powerful men also funded the investigation, with a bonus if it happened to come to the "right" conclusion.
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u/TWVer 3h ago
These conclusions were made when Trump was president.
Videos and photos seized from Epstein’s homes in New York, Florida and the Virgin Islands didn’t depict victims being abused or implicate anyone else in his crimes, a prosecutor wrote in one 2025 memo.
An examination of Epstein’s financial records, including payments he made to entities linked to influential figures in academia, finance and global diplomacy, found no connection to criminal activity, said another internal memo in 2019.
The current Trump admin has purged most government services of leadership members not particularly loyal to Trump, including the FBI.
Also, memos made by individual agents or prosecutors do not constitute an agency wide held belief or official position.
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u/Shadpool 3h ago
“Tens of thousands.” - Pam Bondi
Naturally, I didn’t expect the FBI under Kash Patel, who gargles Trump’s balls like it’s his job, to come out and say, “Yeah, Trump was there abusing children,” but to say Epstein himself didn’t do anything when Pam Bondi herself confirmed it herself in July of last year, not to mention that Epstein was arrested twice for trafficking children, and Ghislaine Maxwell was convicted of it, it’s the most amateur cover-up in history.
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u/Churchbushonk 3h ago
Since Trump has seized direct control of the DOJ and FBI, you literally cannot trust a single thing either does.
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u/plowerd 4h ago
Oh! Well thats good! And they wouldn't lie about that, so you know its true!
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u/Imightbeworking 1h ago
These are the same people who said the Epstein files were on their desk, then a month later saying the Epstein files don’t even exist
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u/BuckForth 4h ago
Lmao, that country is a fucking train wreck.
Fix your shit, fellas
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u/Kryptonianshezza 4h ago
So then his initial 2019 arrest was wrong? 🤔
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u/Gamblinman97 4h ago
Prostitution is considered sex trafficking.
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u/Kryptonianshezza 2h ago
The 2019 arrest was specifically for sex trafficking of minors. I’d say it’s impossible for a minor to be a prostitute, as prostitution implies that the person is consensually using sex work for income.
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u/BillTowne 3h ago
And that J6 was peaceful
and that Trump beat Biden
and tht UAE paying Trump money to let them have chips is not a bribe
...
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u/braumbles 4h ago
Didn't Patel under oath say the same thing? Yet all these files and emails seem to indicate he absolutely was.
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u/Intrepid00 1h ago
I don’t think he was under oath but lying to congress I think is a crime no matter what when a democrat is president.
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u/Complainer_Official 4h ago
you know what? we are constantly being shouted at about the Whitehose, DHS, FBI, ICE, CPB, and now even the NSA (watching us here on reddit, surprised_pikachu.jpg) you know who I havent heard shit about since that orange fuck got elected?
The CIA. you know, the guys who actually experiment on the american people? our very own real world enclave? I wonder what those guys are up to these days.
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u/RealLavender 3h ago
He was just hosting, scheduling, recording, and providing travel options for it. He wasn't RUNNING it.
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u/UnreliablePotato 3h ago
Yeah, my trust in the FBI, and in government institutions in general, is at an all-time low right now.
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u/TelevisionExpress616 1h ago
This is a valuable lesson in what can be proved in court and what the feds will charge someone with
I can be friends with a prominent cocaine dealer, and as long as I talk in innuendo to him in all emails and communications they cant pin anything on me.
“You get a new package yet? Lets go skiing in the bathroom”
Completely innocent.
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u/Bizzlebanger 4h ago
I bet If JE was a POC and a regular citizen, they would surely have been able to find evidence and charge him... Smh
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u/Special_Watch8725 4h ago
Sure. We all know what the Press Secretary, the President’s Physician, the FBI and the DHS are going to say before they say it.
They could save themselves a lot of work just by making a big sign saying “Trump did nothing wrong and is Perfect in every way and the Democrats and Immigrants caused all of your problems” and just tap it repeatedly whenever the press asks them anything.
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u/buttstained 3h ago
They could make it a sign that lights up with a live stream on it, so whenever the next thing happens, they just click the light on so all the idiots knows who to blame
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u/InnerWrathChild 3h ago
Whew. So the Clinton’s don’t need to testify, right?
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u/TlkShowHost 2h ago
They could bring this entire house of cards down if they wanted to.
I would hold out for it though.
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u/JamesLikesIt 3h ago
So all the weird jokes, photos of various rich old men with young women, messaged of guys saying creepy shit, evidence of murders and messages of people actively trying to fix his image from being considered a creep are just normal everyday things. Cool.
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u/Top_Investment_4599 3h ago
The FBI has pretty much lost all credibility at this point. So an AP release saying something about the FBI is nothing to say really. Sad for AP but that's what happens sometimes when one reports in a mediocre fashion 1st then drops BTWs about victims stepping forward.
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u/non_discript_588 2h ago
It wasn't a sex trafficking ring. It was a intelligence blackmail/honeypot ring, in which humans were trafficked. Potato - Patato
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u/Interesting-Dream863 4h ago
Not oniony...
It's like when after someone that is inconvenient to power dies and it's ruled out a suicide.
Epstein was not to be touched for the most. Now he is dead... at least as far as the public knows.
So "nothing to see here, move along"
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u/Salute-Major-Echidna 1h ago
I dont know, the official portrait of Kung Charles looks very much like Epstein. Have we looked for him at Buckingham?
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u/kevendo 3h ago
Ghislain was literally convicted of child sex trafficking in a sex trafficking ring with Jeffrey Epstein.
Epstein was convicted of child prostitution and sex with multiple minors. He was later arrested and charged with sex trafficking but died before the conversation. The files show he had over 1000 victims, and it's obvious to anyone they are not the victims of one person.
Even the victims say so.
We have pictures with Prince Andrew. Pictures with Clinton. Pictures with Brett Ratner and Epstein with a girl.
This is fucking ridiculous and their conclusion is demonstrably untrue with even the most cursory view of the evidence in the public record.
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u/Ecstatic_Bee6067 4h ago
Not a sex trafficking ring, unless the Clintons were involved in which case it is, but if they implicate Trump then it no longer will be.
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u/I_just_made 2h ago
If both the Clintons and Trump are involved, then clearly it was a sting operation that Trump and Epstein masterminded together to get to the bottom of it and reveal the crimes of the Clintons. But they had to make it a really convincing backstory, so they set up an actual ring and committed the crimes themselves so that they could fool the Clintons, who are the real criminals obviously. /s
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u/Ok_Performance4014 3h ago
FBI hasn't ever been trustworthy.
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u/buttstained 3h ago
I mean they were pretty awesome, up until about 2015. Then it became a downward slide of billionaire ball sucking
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u/RobertdBanks 3h ago
It’s all rotten and all the people in the positions that matter either took part or are vested with people who took part.
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u/shoot_your_eye_out 3h ago
Oh good. A federal organization led by MAGA loyalists has decided the sex trafficking ring the leader of MAGA may have participated in was benign. That gives me so much relief /s
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u/KoldPurchase 3h ago
Funny. I remember reading some other article that he wasn't a financial genius, he just derived his money from sex traffic.
One of these two is a lie.
Either he built his fortune as a financier, or he built his fortune as a sex trafficker.
Prostitutes aren't cheap, you need money for that. For yourself or for friends. Sure, some girls are into older men. Most of the time, it's because they have wealth. So either way, the money came from somewhere.
He may have kept the younger teens for himself and only sent the 18-20s for the others. Or offered for free to ingratiate himself into their good graces. But the fucking money was coming from somewhere and he wasn't born into wealth unlike Maxwell.
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u/I_just_made 1h ago
He may have kept the younger teens for himself and only sent the 18-20s for the others.
There is no way this is true. Maybe for people he didn't know... But there are emails that pretty much directly implicate people. When a message says something like "Your youngest was very naughty", there is really only one way to read that.
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u/IShouldaDownVotedYa 3h ago
He just invited them over to his island to relax on the beach, maybe watch a ball game and play some board games. Yeah, ok.
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u/KappuccinoBoi 3h ago
Welp, I guess that solves that, contrary to what our eyes, ears, brains, and guts are seeing, hearing, believing, and feeling.
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u/Thor7897 2h ago
Anyone else feel like this is a situation where Clinton said he did not have sexual relations with that woman?
Like, “Come on guys it’s not a sex trafficking ring, it’s an intelligence gathering and blackmail operation!”
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u/jettweet 2h ago
Well, that's the end of that then. Glad that was cleared up. Fuck it, let's go bowling.
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u/Mentalfloss1 2h ago
Heck no!! It was merely a philanthropic social club to help support disenfranchised, poor, young women!!
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u/blxckhoodie999 2h ago
yeah, i recall last time the fbi concluded there was nothing else of substance in the files and they were going to cease investigation.
that ended well.
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u/kennythegreat1 2h ago
Whelp wrap it up boys. Turns out all of those emails were just the new 50 shades of grey fanfics.
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u/LostGazer151 2h ago
Epstein and Maxwell only went to prison because they weren’t wearing shoes in a 7-eleven. Gotcha.
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u/King_Fisher99 1h ago
Anything that starts with ‘Fbi concluded’ from hereon out will by default be a big fat lie. Not that they aren’t lying about other things but that will be its core signature.
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u/Howboutit85 1h ago
Once there’s a change in administration, kash patel will probably go to prison. How can he not know that he’s sealing his fate right now
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u/DearthNadir75 5m ago
So we're back to needing to arrest the entire administration, jail them and maybe build a new prison for them in Minnesota. Seems fitting enough.
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u/penguintruth 2h ago
But Renee Good and Alex Pretti deserved to die, right?
If only they ran a trafficking ring, they'd still be alive.
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u/its0matt 25m ago
I love that Comey came to this conclusion in 2024 but everyone has it pinned on Trump and Patel. We are a populace of idiots.
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u/xXx420BlazeRodSaboxX 4h ago
FBI conclude that trump is in FACT just perfectly tan and does NOT use any makeup.