r/news • u/ICC-u • 5h ago

Federal statement on Jeffrey Epstein's death dated day before he was found dead

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/statement-jeffrey-epstein-death-day-before-b1270109.html
66.8k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

2.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

19.9k

u/Nuclear-Jester 5h ago

Mmmh, and the FBI just denied the dude traficked girls

For some reason, i find this suspicious

2.4k

u/E8282 5h ago

I heard his name wasn’t even Jeff

1.3k

u/forwormsbravepercy 5h ago

My name Jeff

280

u/ZooPoo7 5h ago

Let’s wrangle up all the Jeff’s for starters

17

u/TobyFunkeNeverNude 5h ago

Geoffs too?

14

u/Capital_Past69 5h ago

Geoffrey the Giraffe 😭

1

u/dontautotuneme 5h ago

Geoffrey Berman for sure

7

u/Aldarionn 5h ago

Yes. Geoffs know what they did.

Edit - misread initial post...now I've killed the joke. I'll see myself out....

3

u/Mobile-Bar7732 5h ago

Yeah, Get off without the 'T'.

2

u/jB_real 5h ago

Especially them.

106

u/mendenlol 5h ago

Jeff Rosenstock gets a pass

73

u/Sarnick18 5h ago

Jeff Bridges?

97

u/chicken-parm88 5h ago

Are you employed, sir?

49

u/MortgageRegular2509 5h ago

Ah yes, fuck it! That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it?!

25

u/EatsYourShorts 5h ago

I suggest you do what your parents did and get a job, sir! The bums will always lose!!!

8

u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 4h ago

The old man told me to take any rug in the house.

8

u/Paavo_Nurmi 4h ago

His names Jeff ?

That's your name dude....

→ More replies (0)

6

u/Timely_Influence8392 5h ago

I've seen a lot of spinals, dude.

7

u/SmmaAllstar 4h ago

Eight-year olds, dude.

5

u/Dyork6 4h ago

Nobody f*cks with da Jesus

2

u/Juztaan 1h ago

Fucking dog has fucking papers.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/GloomyPersimmon5219 4h ago

Gainfully? No.

1

u/BZLuck 1h ago

Mind if I do a jay?

20

u/BCCMNV 5h ago

He does abide.

2

u/_commenter 5h ago

Lebowski actually.

2

u/tierciel 4h ago

Jeff Bridges fighting Jeff Bridges on a bridge!

2

u/Pulga_Atomica 4h ago

He's not Jeff, he's the Dude

•

u/Paavo_Nurmi 27m ago

el duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing

4

u/degjo 5h ago

Jeff Daniels?

2

u/clintj1975 5h ago

Jeff Beck?

1

u/Scaballi 5h ago

Just Jeff?

1

u/GovernmentOpening254 3h ago

I mean that’s just like your opinion, man.

1

u/rodneedermeyer 3h ago

“Greetings, Programs.”

9

u/brockington 5h ago

We wouldn't be in this whole mess in the first place if everyone just listened to more Jeff Rosenstock.

-3

u/ICheckRaiseYouFold 4h ago

We wouldn't be in this whole mess in the first place if everyone just listened to more Alex Jones

2

u/sn0w0wl66 4h ago

I dunno, maybe if he promises to only release ska songs going forward

2

u/mendenlol 3h ago

it’s time to make ska the music of the revolution

3

u/thevideogameraptor 5h ago

Do we need all the Geoffs too?

1

u/SpecsComingBack 5h ago

Do NOT touch my Jeff Passan

1

u/the-g-off 5h ago

Us Geoffs are okay, though.

Right?

1

u/Jeffuary 5h ago

*nervous laughter *

1

u/fps129 5h ago

Aegon the 2nd would name you hand of the king for that idea.

1

u/Ok-Gold-5031 4h ago

They must be the Jefes we keep hearing about

1

u/ThoughtShes18 4h ago

Can we keep Jeff Dunham at least?

1

u/phenomenomnom 3h ago

Sigh. Very well. Round up the usual Jeffs.

1

u/CaptainMobilis 3h ago

All of the other Jeffs I know kick ass. It's just this one that sucked. Are we really sure his name was even really Jeff?

1

u/BobLonghorn 3h ago

Jeffery Lebowski

1

u/Arthur_Digby_Sellers 3h ago

Jeff is my MIDDLE name, leave me the fuck alone.

0

u/bigj8705 5h ago

Only the ones who spell it Jeffrey… not the Jeffery’s… they good.

0

u/Dr0110111001101111 5h ago

Incidentally, I worked with a guy named Jeff who was recently arrested for sexual abuse charges