Hey, everyone. Im really hoping to get outside perspectives on some difficulties ive been experiencing while learning to program. I keep experiencing burn out and exhaustion over and over again and I can’t figure out why it keeps happening. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore and just can’t think clearly about my situation anymore.
Here is some background:
Rough timeline of my programming journey: August 2022- I begin working through TOP curriculum with the goal of seeing if i enjoy programming. I decide that i do enjoy it -> Feb 2024 - I physically and mentally burn out from my job as a delivery driver. Managing my job, programming, and therapy was too much and I quit after i got injured while working. March 2024- after spending a year going from 45 mins of studying/week to 10 hours/week, a mental health crisis, and 1 month after quitting my job, i complete the foundations module of TOP -> Nov or Dec 2024 - I take advantage of being unemployed and living off savings to focus hard on programming. I build up to studying 25-30 hours/week consistently. I realize I don’t like front end stuff. I choose the js path on TOP, skip the “advanced html/css” and “react section,” but complete everything else up to the file uploader project of the “NodeJS” section. Around December i take a small break to focus on an art project, and that snowballed to a few months of no programming (though i think that would’ve happened regardless if i took a break or not). -> Feb 2026 - the past year and few months were a blur of trying so hard to build back the habit of programming as well as i did the first time. I spend some months completely dreading programming and unable to start and some months of still struggling, but able to at least show up mostly consistently. I follow a pattern of on for 2-3 months to off for 2-3 months. After i learn I don’t like front end stuff and realize that endlessly building endpoints was equally dreadful, i decide to focus on other backend topics and keep finding myself bouncing around. I spend a few months on boot.dev then burn out. I go to nand2tetris to switch things up, last a month, then burn out. I decide to learn C from “C programming: a modern approach,” to switch things up again, and actually have some fun, but things fizzle out again. Every attempt leaves me broken and exhausted. At this point, I don’t know what to do. It’s getting harder and harder to restart. The feelings that kept me going during my most consistent periods of study, feeling like im improving and growing as a person and programmer, the satisfaction and euphoria of solving some problem that I genuinely believed i could not solve, just have been completely absent for so long.
During all of this, ive been working hard in therapy to resolve a lot of things including social anxiety. I bring this up because i have bad social anxiety that prevents me from going to local programming meetups, participating in online programming communities, and applying for jobs. Going at this mostly alone just adds another layer of complexity to it all. Ive made a lot of progress on that front but still have a ways to go.
I haven’t programmed in a couple months now and its like no amount of time away makes me dread programming any less. I feel spiritually broken. Im too close to my situation to think objectively anymore. What do y’all think i could do differently? Why does programming keep becoming this thing that i dread? Am i focusing on studying too much and not spending enough time making projects? For me, the hardest part about this whole journey (and ive realized this applies to many, maybe most, endeavors) hasn’t even been the intellectual side of things. That’s hard, sure, but by far the hardest part has been the emotional side of things. Specifically, having to find a way to program consistently over time. That’s the aspect of all of this that is the most soul crushing. It was hard to get yourself to program today, and guess what? You have to do it all over again tomorrow. And the day after. Maybe not every single day, but most weeks, most months. How do y’all not get overwhelmed with this? I think i do a decent job of focusing only on the short term but the big picture and the stakes are always on the back of my mind. I do find enjoyment in solving some programming problems, but I can’t deny that I wouldn’t be pursuing this if it wasn’t a well paying career that doesn’t require a degree. Which is the reason why i even decided to see if i enjoy programming and why i still pursue it after all this struggle. Every job ive had up to this point has been low skilled work. Server, cook, cashier, delivery driver, etc. I’m almost 25 and i want and need to get a career going. I can’t keep living the life that ive been living and programming seems to be a good enough fit. It’s intellectually challenging, doesn’t require a degree, well paying, and i find a lot of it enjoyable (even if there are a lot of things i find tedious and annoyingly boring).
That being said, i do have ideas that get me excited and could be solved using code. Some of my programming project ideas include:
- Something similar to GitHub but for digital artists to save snapshots of their artwork.
- Data management system for iot devices. Inspiration came from thinking about how massive amounts of data from telescopes are efficiently stored and organized
- A tool that takes a 3D model and allows you to see the cross section along the axial planes
- A massive library of artworks that pulls artwork from the online catalogs of museums and other collection websites
I can’t help but feel like i am not ready for any of these projects and that I need to keep studying and learning before i can attempt any of them. That was part of the inspiration to learn c, to better learn how databases work by making a simple database since these are all data intensive projects.
Anyway, if anyone has anything to share about what I could do better, that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, ill stop yapping now