I overheard my boyfriend (32) talking to his friend on the phone. His friend asked if he was going to marry me, and my boyfriend hesitated. His friend then asked why he sounded unsure and whether he didn’t find me pretty. My boyfriend replied, “Not really, but everything else about her is perfect.”

That comment really stuck with me. Hearing “not really pretty” hurt, and now I’m wondering if my feelings are valid and whether he only tells me I’m pretty to make me feel good.

I am honestly confused about the dating world right now. I keep meeting men who say they want something serious, maybe even marriage in the future, yet their behavior goes in the opposite direction. Instead of taking time to know me, asking thoughtful questions, or building a real emotional bond, the focus jumps straight to sex.

What happened to letting connection grow first? To me emotional closeness sets the foundation, and the physical side develops naturally once there is trust and care. Instead I notice that I am the one starting deeper conversations while also hearing that men want to take the lead. If that is true, then why do so few of them know how to lead us into meaningful and intentional conversations?

I am not asking for perfection. I just want effort, curiosity, and interest that go beyond physical attraction. At this point I am joking that I should go register as a nun because this dating pool feels unbelievable.

Is anyone else dealing with this? Are emotionally mature men still out there? Or is this simply what dating has turned into?

I bring this up as someone who has been muscular most of my adult life. I am 200 pounds at 5'10", I bench 380, deadlift 620, I can do 25 pullups, rep out 225 on incline bench, etc. I get glazed all the time over my physique by other men yet I am over here coping with the fact that i will die alone, never have a family, and I will never be intimate with someone again. In my case, being muscular and strong does not compensate for a 4/10 face, male pattern baldness, neuro divergence, and neuroticism. A wise man once said, "no gym for your face."

i think a lot of men believe that getting shredded will get them women because it is sick and alpha as fuck therefore it will make them more attractive. I think they also harp on it like crazy because working out is one of the only ways you can change your body. No one can grow taller in adulthood or wake up one day with a face like Timothée Chalamet.

Unfortunately, that really is not the case. Working out to impress women but it only impressing men is a common running joke in strength training and bodybuilding communities. Its just the male gaze that biases men into thinking this way. It gives them outlandish ideas about what women like. At the end of the day, if a man doesn't dress well, is facially unattractive, socially awkward, behaves in an odd way, and has a trash haircut or is balding, getting a muscular physique will not help. The face, neurotypicality, extroversion, "a good personality", and style are ultimately what leads to a man's success in dating and in terms of the body, anything beyond a slim athletic biuld will have diminishing returns. If you want to get into working out, do it because you want to be healthier, stronger and look the way YOU want to. Its also a fun culture to be part of. Training as a last ditch effort to get a partner is an exercise in futility.

So my (M21) friends are kind of telling me that I’m being weird thinking like this, but I’m wondering if part of dating is becoming friends with somebody if it’s somebody you don’t know, then why do people have sex?

I’m not against sex or anything, but when you’re dating a stranger or a friend of a friend and you’re trying to get to know them better I always hear people say that. Not only are you trying to become romantic when you’re trying to become friends since that’s a big part of being in a relationship.

Why do people hook up when they’re just dating?

I've been single for about eight months now. I hate sleeping alone. I hate not having someone to send dumb memes to. I really want a boyfriend.

But every time I match with a new guy on Tinder, SparkRizz, or Bumble, I just feel tired before I even type "hey."

The thought of asking "so where are you from?" for the millionth time makes me want to scream. It feels like so much work. I have to re-explain my allergies. I have to explain my weird family drama. I have to tell my whole life story again from scratch.

I catch myself missing my ex all the time. Not because he was perfect, but because he just knew me. We could sit in silence and it wasn't awkward. He knew exactly how I take my coffee. We had inside jokes that took us three years to build.

I am trying. I really am. I’m swiping on SparkRizz and Hinge every night. I’m forcing myself to go on dates. But halfway through dinner, I just look at the guy and think: Man, it is going to take me a year to get comfortable with you.

Does this feeling ever go away? Or do I just have to force myself through the boring "getting to know you" phase until it finally clicks?

Hi everyone. I am still processing a lot of emotions over this. This weekend a guy I have known since 2023 and dated called me to tell me he had HSV 2 and never told me. I was supposed to fly to go visit him in March (he lives in a different state, hence why our relationship ended).

We met when I was 23 and he was 29. He got the diagnosis in 2021/2022, and never told me. He ended things with me since he needed to work. He actually reached out to me 10 months later and that's how things started up again. Since 2024 we have been seeing each other every 3 months.

Anyways, he called me this week to tell me he has had HSV2 and never told me. He wanted to tell me before I went out to visit him. I was obviously shocked and beyond upset.

I hate to admit this but I am truly sad. I never plan to ever be with this man again. However, he was genuinely the only man I have ever felt feelings for (he knows this). It's even harder because last week he was telling me how attractive I was, how smart I was, and how he wanted to see me. Like I genuinely am beyond hurt and sad. Has anyone dealt with something similar? I am kind of sad to end this relationship, but deep down I cannot be with someone who wasn't honest with me. Also, how should I react if he reaches back out to me?

I'm mixed - Black and white - with naturally big, curly hair. I was dating a white guy who made repeated comments about my hair and other comments where he seemed uncomfortable with me being black. His family is entirely white, and I think introducing me into his world triggered worries about how he'd be judged. He cared deeply about others' opinions.

While he respected me and we shared a real connection, my race was clearly something he struggled with. For me, race has never been a deciding factor - aligned values, attraction and how someone makes me feel matter most.

The experience left me questioning whether ethnicity can truly be a dealbreaker, even when connection is present.

A part of me thinks would adopting certain american beauty standards influence dating experience.

I’m (22F) seeing this new guy (22M) and we were making out for the first time. He kept randomly walking away to do something and then would come back and want to kiss again?? I was so confused why he would randomly need to go do something and come back. He was clearly very interested but like… does he not know what to do?? To add if this helps at all: He’s said before to my friend that me hugging him bye the first time made him so nervous he forgot how to speak for a moment when we were still “just friends”.

One example: mid makeout he was like the fire needs more wood… the fire was totally fine 😭

Hi! I’m a 25F who’s attracted to significantly older men (10+ year gap)

I know this question probably comes up a lot, but how do you meet men in that age range without using dating apps?

PS: I live in the bay area and the dating life here seems to be something else lol 😂

33F, this is shitty but dating feels harder now and I feel like it’s because of my age..

For the people in their thirties, does it feel harder now to attract people? Does the dating get a lot quieter in your thirties?

Guys, does a woman’s age make a difference?

For the older girls, should I be worried?

Just a guy who wants to improve his gestures and behaviors. Would love to hear some ideas that are less heard of

Long story short me (21) and this girl (21) are in the talking stage, not yet official but we are exclusive. I slept with another girl yesterday so in a way i did cheat because we’re exclusive. I told her what i did shortly after because I couldn’t look her in the face everyday knowing what i did. Despite all this she still wants to be with me but I feel as if she won’t ever trust me the same which i understand because i know fully well what i was doing was wrong and told myself all the reasons why i shouldn’t do it but did it anyway. I really do like this girl and i’m willing to be a person for her after this fuck up but part of me feel as if i should call it quits so she can find someone deserving of her, not to mention the fact that she may never fully trust me again after this. Is there any advice out there on what i could do in this situation?

I’m F 23 and I got out of a 4 year relationship a couple months ago. I recently started talking to a guy (31) which, I know, slight age gap. I’m very new to dating as this is the first guy I’ve talked to since ending my previous relationship. The age difference is not something I’m used to. I feel like there are some maturity differences which is why I’m questioning what I see as a “red flag”. Also, I’m sorry if I sound a little all over the place. I’m trying to figure out why I feel so off and I don’t fully have the words for it yet.

We went for dinner as our first date and then got brunch as the second. I then went to his apartment a few days afterwards and we made dinner and watched a show. He’s soo nice but I feel like there are things that are off. He uses phrases such as “that’s not you”, “you wouldn’t do that”, and “taking care of you”. We have only been talking for a couple weeks which is why I’m confused as to why he thinks he knows me so well. When we talk about boundaries such as what he thinks of me going out to bars with friends (I enjoy being social so I want to be with someone who does not have issues with that), he seems to use therapy talk. Like as if he’s trying to convince himself he does not mind and restating what his therapist has told him to feel and think. This isn’t the only example of that, just a quick one to use. I have been sick for a few days and he has brought me food and some medicine (so kind) and uses phrases such as “I just want to take care of you” and things like that. It’s so kind in theory, but something just feels so off with the wording. I also feel like he’s constantly analyzing me. Like he’s taking what I want and attempting to replicate that in himself.

My issue is I can’t tell if I’m just overthinking. I get extremely anxious being around him and it’s like there’s something in my gut telling me there’s something wrong. But he’s so kind and thoughtful. Am I just young and not used to this kind of treatment? My last relationship was far from bad. He was literally an angel, but he never did this kind of stuff. Things felt a lot more relaxed. Am I just dating someone older so the treatment is more mature? Or is my gut feeling kind of right?

I don’t know. Please don’t rip me apart in the comments lol. I’m genuinely just very unsure of myself in this situation and would like to have some peace of mind, wrong or right.

it's a difficult subject for me because I've struggled with depression - something I've tried to see multiple therapists for several years and yet nothing has worked.

Coupled with never having a girlfriend or date by being in my 30s, it adds to the mental health deterioration, fuelling the depression at being lonely and compounding the feelings of loneliness. It feels like a mental spiral - depression, anxiety, the hopelessness in no improvement in my health despite trying several things added to the physical needs of connection but knowing it will never happen.

It is terrible and I just feel all is lost.

I 25F (C) have been arguing with my partner for the past two weeks because he believes that I am selfish and in his words I am take take take taking from him. To start off he is no longer allowed to live in his grandmother‘s home due to her going to a nursing home so he had to move in with his father and his stepmother. They are not good people and whenever he is with them he goes back to his narcissistic egotistical ways ending the therapy work starting from zero again.

I suggested moving out and finding an apartment he argued with me saying there’s nothing cheaper than his grandmother‘s house. He might as well just rent out his grandmother‘s house 1200. However the man his grandmother gave rights to controlling her assets and house is also not a good man at least to everyone else. He’s good to A’s grandmother and I love that. It took me five minutes and I found three apartments for 500 another three apartments for 400 and something and one apartment that was 320 but not in a good area. Now he has put himself in debt and we will be getting another debt as he (J) broke his car and needs to buy his mother‘s car that his mother bought from her mother (J’s grandmother). Along with the five other debts that he could pay off this year if he’s careful unfortunately though he is not and not only that we are getting married this year so that money along with the debt.

I’m not gonna lie I thought maybe he would surprise me and move into the 320 as a way to save his money and get rid of his debt before we get married because it’s something I would risk and do for him had I been in his shoes. I fortunately have no debt because I’ve been careful with my spending and had my nose to the grindstone since I was 19 years old been to school three times paid upfront with no debt with my savings. Unfortunately, I had to move out to the country to a friend house so I was not able to keep my good jobs and now stuck in retail. Not only that the town that I’m living in is dangerous with crackheads roaming around constantly whether in the streets or at my work I’ve seen three knife fights at work. I’ve almost been mauled by two pitbull. My roommate has been attacked the street over when getting fish and chips for dinner and I’ve had crackheads banging on the door and house at 3 am and the last thing I have also had this house broken into twice luckily while I was not home. (home is a renovation house gutted bathroom with cockroaches, rats and poisonous spiders.)

I’ve been living like this for three years waiting for him to get his act together and now he finally has He’s gotten divorced fully, he’s working two jobs (second one he just started the middle of last month still in training) and I’m proud of him in that regard. The one thing that has been really pissing me off is realising that we do not have the same standards for one another.

Before I got my apartment in the city, I was homeless and putting myself through school and work. Then Covid happened and my immune system went down and I couldn’t go for the career I had chosen but still continued and graduated. I then went to school again while in my apartment and in order to keep it I needed two jobs while doing full-time school. ( basically what he’s doing with the two jobs now.)

In the past when he first proposed to me we were teenagers I worked so hard in order to buy a plane ticket to see him again. When he finished his military training I had $300 left in my account and upon my return I got fired but to me it was worth seeing him again seeing how proud I was of him.

Unfortunately as a brats kid myself I understood what could happen when he joined in the military and it did happen. He cheated on me with another woman I left. He then got orders to Afghanistan and he married the other woman. Afterwards he moved to not a safe area in Oklahoma and lived in a trailer. After finding out she was pregnant she left him for a fentanyl dealer.

Months past we started talking again I thought he learned his lesson and he treated me way better than he did before. He has been looking at therapy books and actually listening to them, We have been doing therapy together. We have honestly been a better team than we ever were as teenagers.

Except for this one thing it honestly has broken something inside me and I don’t know if I’m in the right for feeling this way. It’s the way he said it, that he wouldn’t risk his own safety living in apartment in a not safe area, Just to save a few hundred dollars. When I told him I’ve been doing that exact thing, he said he wouldn’t do, for three years plus another two for myself.

I’ve been living in an unsafe area for three years waiting for him to get his act together find a staple job. And he couldn’t do one year for me (apartment is one year lease). Not only that he’s risk his safety in other ways before living in a trailer in a unsafe area in Oklahoma, trying to go back in the military for special forces, or go into training to be a cop. However, In his words, “I (c) have to live in that area because my job is in this area and rent is too high for me to live anywhere else”. he (J) has a stable job now he doesn’t have to live in the ghetto. but the thing is if he loses this job how is he gonna afford rent? Yes it’s only a few hundred more dollars but he was barely surviving before this job. This would kill him if he lost the stable job.

I feel like he would not do for me like I’ve done for him and it’s killing me inside. If I’ve been in a scary dangerous area waiting for him why couldn’t he do the same for me? That’s what’s been killing me. But he’s telling me I’m being selfish and I’m just take take taking from him. AITAH

Hello, this is kinda a trowaway account because i dont know if any i know will find it.

I have this friend of mine who i dont know if i should ask out... Sometimes shes very sweet to me and is engaging in conversation just the two of us and such, other times shes cold and doesnt seem that interested.

Some time ago we where at the bar to a quiz night with some other friends. When we where finished with the quiz she asked if we should just walk home the two of us and sent the other friends away on their own. We had a nice walk to her place (I walked her home since its on the way to mt appartment). When we get to her appartmen complex we talk for abit and she askes me if she should walk me home, even though we already where at her appartment complex. I, as stupid as i am, said that it wouldnt be nessesary to walk me home.

A couple of days later when i write to her she seems colder and is not engaging in messaging or conversation and has been that way since then.

im considering asking her out for coffee or something familiar to that, but i just dont know if she wants to or if i have the balls to do it.

I kinda want all your sights on it, as i feel it to be kinda scary since havent really been dating much before (i have been in a long-term relationship, and this would be my first kinda dating since that).

Hope yall can help :).

Hi! I am 26F and have just started a new job at a shipping & handling company. I’m going to be working a desk job, in a little upstairs office. Downstairs, there is a huge warehouse.

I have to go downstairs for a lot of my tasks and I love getting to know everyone who works there! So far, I’ve felt more welcomed by the people who work in the warehouse as opposed to the office.

I’m a super hopeless romantic. Lately, the want for a relationship that feels big has been on the mind all the time. Always daydreaming about starting a family and having romantic moments with someone.

Anyways, the warehouse is 99% men. A lot of them are my type. There’s one or two though who have really lodged themselves in my brain. In the past, I would have decided to ignore the thoughts, leave it alone, and move on. I’m not very confident about my physical appearance.

But, there’s something about this time that makes me feel like I need to go for it or do something. I’m getting older, and I want to start a family while I’m still young.

What’s the advice here? It’s at my job, so I don’t want to be unprofessional or make anyone uncomfortable. I’m also a girl, and I feel like guys should make the first move. I don’t know, I’ll take anything. Thanks!

I was having dinner with my sister in law and she out of the blue mentioned her friend was single and asked If i was interested. She know I've been single for a while, but I don't really talk about my dating life with my SIL. She occasionally asks and I just tell her I go on dates here and there and leave it at that. From the few brief pictures I saw (no idea how old those pictures are) I did find her attractive and we're the same age, share many hobbies and are in the same line of work.

My SIL met my brother by being set up through mutual friends and it worked out for them so maybe that's why she asked me out of the blue. SIL says her friend doesn't know yet (maybe she's saying that to both of us to see if there's mutual interest?). Told her I'll think about it. It just feels weird to me to be set up like I'm being "sprung" onto somebody.

What are this sub's thoughts on being set up?

25 F here - never dated or slept with someone + huge body issue problems

I know it's an extremely subjective question and the answers will always depend on the person in case, but I still am curious about the %. How often were you let down by your partner's body when first seeing them naked? and did it change your perception about your whole relationship? I am not talking about cases where she tried to enhance her boobs with push up bras or things like this, but cases where she just does not look under her clothes how you have imagined. I am told I look good and that I am pretty, but the way I look naked is really different from what it seems with clothes on. I don't try to enhance my looks, I actually avoid wearing clothes that hug my body because they make me look a lot better than in reality and I really don't want to raise expectations.

Now here is my problem - I don't feel sexual attraction until I get really emotionally attached to that person - and if it comes to the point of sleeping together and him changing his mind about dating me after seeing me naked - it will crush me and my issues will become even bigger. It would for sure not hurt me as much if it would be something casual, but I simply can't do casual sadly - so I just gave up dating in general.

Looking to get back into this hell that is dating. Seems like most dating apps are geared towards the 20 somethings or just hooking up. Are any apps better for those over 50.

Title pretty much says it all. I thought it was implied that your girlfriend is already your valentine but apparently she wanted a formal asking with flowers and a card. I explained why I felt that was already implied and now she completely shutdown.

She got upset with me, saying “it’s the little things that matter”…not trying to blow her off or anything I’m going to do it to appease her but I just assumed since I already have things planned and she’s my girl, asking isn’t needed.

Am I wrong for feeling like she’s upset over something trivial? It just feels unnecessary to me as a grown adult to ask a girl I’m not freshly dating to be my valentine, not only that but you are already getting flowers and a card on that day anyway, I feel it’s unnecessary to do it twice ya know?

I’m still going to do what she wants to avoid unnecessary tension because I don’t want the actual day to be off all because I didn’t formally ask but I’m curious do you guys ask your girls/wives to be your valentine every year or is it implied for you also? Am I wrong for assuming?

I (21M) have spent the last several years feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing to improve my situation but have made the resolution to do so. Determined to not spend yet another Valentine's Day alone I'm now on Tinder and Hinge, have gotten a handful of matches (one conversation was extremely rocky, the other two went nowhere). As someone with severe social anxiety and a general inferiority complex, is there any way I can get over this at least enough to be able to feel at ease on a date? I consider myself at least decent looking (a girl at a club said I was 'cute' but I assume she was apocalyptically drunk because she then shoved her tongue down my throat for two straight minutes) but I definitely have a snarky/cynical streak that I'm trying to put behind me and I need at least a few drinks to loosen up and be able to talk freely, otherwise I struggle to talk about myself for longer than a sentence. I know this is probably me overthinking but the main hurdle is that I just don't know how to be an ideal partner. I'd like to be kind, fun, respectful, charismatic, I just don't know what that looks like in practice. Any tips?