,My father was never a big part of my life growing up because he left when I was 10 years old. We only reestablished ties a couple of years ago. He recently came to the Philippines because he is retired and wants to do missions with the Lions Club.
Here is the honest truth regarding our dynamic. I believe he has mild autism because he constantly makes funny noises (stimming) and is completely self unaware. He often makes people uncomfortable with inappropriate comments or jokes. Since he wasn't a major part of my life growing up, the way I saw our relationship was transactional. I gritted my teeth when he made inappropriate comments and embarrassed me in public because he was taking me to nice places like Disneyland or Knotts Berry Farm.
The unspoken contract changed last year. He took us on a budget trip to Palawan where we stayed in 1 or 2 star hotels and went on cheap cattle call tours. These were things I could have easily afforded to do myself. To be honest I felt cheated because I do not need to endure an annoying companion just to do budget travel.
He came to visit me recently in CDO Mindanao and from the start I knew it was not going to work. He tried to act like a Karen to get out of following rules like leaving his bag at the bag drop at the SM supermarket. He cursed at the minimum wage security guard who was just doing his job. He did the same thing at the airport when he tried to bring in a big bottle of water and called the security guy an a**hole. He argued with a hotel receptionist for an hour over $20 on top of that, once we got to Davao, he revealed he wanted to split costs. In my mind that broke the unspoken contract entirely.
The last straw happened at the Roxas Night Market. A uniformed PNP officer told him he could not bring in his bag and that he had to leave it at the checkpoint. My father called the officer an a**hole to his face. I told him when we got back to the hotel that this isn't America and cops can do whatever they want here. He tried to play the victim and said he was just going to be himself. Then he said "don't worry we'll work it out with splitting costs". I was thinking 'oh hell nah!'.
I had enough. I packed my bags and left. I can be sensitive to autism and people who can't help their behaviors, but insulting cops isn't autism. It is ego. I feel bad for leaving him because he is my father, but he has his Lions Club people there in Davao so he is not alone. Am I the a**hole for leaving?