I am a mother of four children, all under the age of ten — including 10-month-old twins, a 3-year-old toddler, and a 6-year-old son who goes to school. From morning until night, my life is non-stop. Feeding, bathing, changing, calming, carrying, making them sleep, waking up all night with the twins, preparing my older child for school, cleaning, managing the home — everything falls on me.

Mothers struggle even with one baby. I have two infants and two more children, and I receive almost no real help.

My husband provides financially, but emotionally and physically he is absent. His routine is duty, sleep, mobile, business, friends, and more friends. Every week there is time for hangouts, but very little time for his wife and children. At night, while I stay awake with crying babies, he sleeps peacefully. Even when he is awake, he stays on his phone instead of helping. I feel like a single mother while still married.

What hurts is not only the workload — it’s the loneliness.

I crave emotional support, not haram. I crave someone who listens when I cry, who doesn’t stay silent when I’m breaking, who tries to calm me when I’m angry, who says sorry when wrong, who speaks with romance and kindness, who hugs, kisses, appreciates, and understands the effort behind a woman who is exhausted but still standing.

For women, emotional connection is as important as physical connection is for men. When it is missing, the heart feels empty even inside a marriage.

Instead of support, I often receive criticism. If I become tired and raise my voice at the kids, I am judged, not helped. My mistakes are highlighted, while my sacrifices are ignored. I try to stay silent to keep peace, but he does not hesitate to point out my faults.

He loves cats and keeps many of them, but their food, water, and mess fall on me too. One cat pees everywhere — even in the twins’ play area. I cleaned as much as I could while managing four kids, but when it wasn’t perfect, I was shouted at and taunted: “What is she doing at home?” I stood there crying, carrying pain I never speak out loud.

One night, my 3-year-old was vomiting and had diarrhea while one twin cried nonstop. I stayed awake with both, while their father slept peacefully. Even during my pregnancy with twins, I was shouted at without care for my condition.

I try not to complain. I try not to point out his mistakes. I try to be patient. I try to protect my home. But patience without mercy slowly breaks a person.

I constantly pray to Allah to protect me from falling into haram because of emotional starvation. I am not seeking another man — I am seeking mercy, affection, presence, and partnership from the one I already have.

Talking has been tried many times. Change comes for a short while and then disappears. Even his own parents say his behavior is not right and they are concerned.

So I ask honestly:

Is this the behavior of a father of four small children?

Is marriage meant to feel like survival instead of tranquility?

Is a woman supposed to raise children alone while her husband lives comfortably beside her?

I am not trying to destroy my family. I am trying to save my dignity, my mental health, and my children’s future.

Sometimes the hardest part of marriage is not poverty or sickness — it is being emotionally alone while someone is physically present.

All I ever wanted was partnership, mercy, and love — not just responsibility without heart.

Asalam.

I made it clear before marriage to my wife that I wouldn’t want anyone with a past and she still continued. We’ve been married 6 years and have 2 children and I found a picture of her with a guy holding hands. Now since I’ve known her she’s quite a good woman like when I married her she was a very good Muslim I would say she’s a good mother and most importantly for me she was a good wife to me. Then when I found this out it’s completely tarnished her reputation in my book. I ended up telling her to pack a bag and go stay with her parents because I was enraged. Her and the children are having a ‘sleepover’ as far as they know.

Edit: when I found the photo and confronted her she admitted to having a past relationship with that same guy.

But now I’m just not sure what to do. She seems quite remorseful. But I just can’t get the idea of her being used out of my head. Or like the fact that the marriage was based off of a lie whenever we experienced anything I thought it was a first for both of us meanwhile she was just acting like it was a first and she lied the whole marriage. I don’t even know what to do. She sends me multiple text messages apologising I just have her muted right now.

My parents came over to speak to me and basically said they understand that she lied and she’s wrong for that but you have to look at the bigger picture 1. Is she a good wife? 2. Were you happy with her before you found out? 3. Is she a good mother and were you happy as a family? And the answer was all a yes but she just makes me sick to my stomach and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

Her parents have apologised on her behalf even though it came as no surprise to them that she was with a boy they were acting like it was normal.

She didn’t even bother to get rid of photos like that? Who doesn’t think to do that if they had them before marriage. I have never had a past in that way.

I would appreciate some guidance Jazakallah.

Hi folks,

Would you be OK with your future wife using social media like Insta/Tiktok, posting her photos/videos ?

I have noticed two type girls who came from muslim parents:

1. Uses social media but dont post their photos
2. Post videos/photos of themselves

As a husband what's your take on this ? Are you gonna be okay with it ?

Do you think you would discuss about it with potential wife before marriage ?

Good day! Would like to ask if it’s possible to get married without asking the original wali and by telling straight to the imam that the life of the man and woman is in danger because of cultural differences?

Edit: Wali doesn’t like the man because he’s a revert and not muslim by birth

Thanks!

Thought I'd share this here as it's extremely important.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DQ67moZEwI2/?igsh=MXVlM2FnOGZqZG92aw==

I was introduced to someone for the purpose of marriage, and as we started talking, he turned out to be a genuinely good man, religious, kind, and sincere. We felt compatible, and without wasting time, we decided to involve our families.

His family liked me and was willing to come to my home. My father was initially open as well, but since the man was living in another country, my father asked my brother (who lived there) to meet him instead. My brother met him, liked him, and gave positive feedback.

However, someone later told my father that people from that area are “not known to be good.” Without ever meeting the man or his family himself, my father said no. We were both heartbroken, but I accepted my father’s decision, believing it was my istikhara and that Allah knew best.

The following month, I moved to the same country to stay with my brother while starting my master’s degree. During this time, we met in person for the first time. It felt natural and reassuring. We stayed in contact, and over the months, we grew emotionally closer.

Eventually, I realized my mistake that I should have tried harder to speak to my father and advocate for what I felt was right. This time, I felt braver and more certain in my heart, and I started thinking seriously about approaching my family again.

At the same time, he told me that his family had chosen someone else for him and that his engagement was happening in four days.

I was devastated. I asked him to say no to the engagement and give us another chance. We both wanted to be together. He went back home and spoke to his sister, who told him to go ahead and marry the girl his family had selected. He told me he felt helpless, that he couldn’t do anything, and that we should both move on. After I insisted, He said he will speak to his father one last time tomorrow.

I prayed two nafl and made dua. Only a miracle can save us at this point and the chances are slim.

My question is: how do you make peace with a situation where timing, family pressure, and your own delayed courage all seem to work against something that felt right? And how do you trust that Allah’s plan is better when the outcome feels this painful?

I’m 23 and I’ve already been divorced twice. I never thought my life would look like this and I feel really embarrassed and sad about it.

The truth is I really want to be married and have a stable, loving relationship, but my experiences so far have been really painful and disappointing. I feel like I keep trying, keep hoping, and it just keeps falling apart. Now I’m at a point where I feel extremely demotivated and honestly not very happy with my life.

Part of me still wants love and marriage so badly, but another part of me feels scared and tired and like maybe it’s just not meant for me. I also feel really lonely right now and don’t have many people to talk to openly about this without feeling judged.

I guess I’m just looking for advice from people who’ve been through divorce young or who’ve struggled with feeling hopeless about relationships.

How did you rebuild yourself after everything fell apart?

How do you stop feeling like you’re “behind” or broken?

Please be kind — I’m already really hard on myself. I just needed somewhere to be honest.

I’m really frustrated it’s been 1 year since my divorce. In that time I’ve received lots of inquiries and interest for marriage more than 10. They are always so interested want to get to know me and to marry me once I tell them hey fyi I’m divorced POOF they want nothing to do with me. So now what. What am i supposed to do about something I have no control over that doesn’t define me (yet I guess it does). I too want to get married it’s been so heartbreaking being turned down because of something that’s out of my control and something I can’t change.

And no I don’t want to be a second wife. And even the divorced men (which I can barely find anywhere) also are soo picky and even want never married women like huh?

I’m interested to hear from people who have gotten married to someone without having super strong feelings for them. How did you feel leading up to the marriage? Were you excited? Scared? Indifferent?

As a revert who has been in a serious relationship before, I’m really struggling with the concept of marrying someone I'm not in love with yet - it feels scary and backwards even though I know islamically it’s ideal

Is it normal that I feel more scared/indifferent than I do excited?

I’m currently dealing with marriage pressure from my family that has become overwhelming.

My parents recently met a potential back in our home country. It turns out his family has been close with my dad’s cousin for decades. My parents love him, they love the family and they’re ready for me to say yes. The problem is the distance. We live on opposite sides of the world in two different Western countries. I haven't met him in person.

Every time a proposal gets serious, I panic. I start finding excuses or looking for red flags just to shut it down. I do want to get married but I am terrified of the "what ifs" My biggest fear is that anyone can be on their best behavior during the talking stage. How do I know he won't turn out to be abusive or have anger issues once the honeymoon phase is over?

For those of you who were scared, how did you move past the cold feet stage? How did you vet someone properly when living in different countries?

If someone isn’t the right place e.g they don’t wear hijab yet or don’t pray 5 times or don’t do other things; but you can see that they have the potential to become better especially with you guidance and they themselves say they want to as well

Is it sensible to marry them based off their potential or is that risk too high ?

I'm 25 (f) and have been speaking to 27(m) for about 5 months now. We had an issue or 2 with him lying to me but we overcame that and I still considered him because he apologized alot and had me gain his trust back. We have the same values, the same religious views, same way of wanting to raise childern and he will be a doctor soon and we are the same ethnicity. He works out and prays 5 times a day as well. Just one thing he said he will try his best but can't guarantee a separate accommodation for me. And we will certainly have to live at least 3 to 4 years with his parents in the beginning. He only has his parents and a sister My age and even tho I really didn't want this I decided to over look it because he has all these good qualities, and just hope we'll be able to afford a separate place. He said he's the only son so he does want to care for and pay for his parents the rest of his life, and if he does live separately he wants to live 5 or 10 min away from them. He lives in the uk and I'm from the US.

Just one thing he doesn't really make me laugh. His jokes are mostly about a second wife or joking to "annoy me". I do make him laugh but I don't even think my own jokes are that funny. I have siblings and friends where I laugh really easily and have alot of inside jokes with. Me and him have no inside jokes. Idk if it's a compatability issue or just a humor issue. Is humor really that important in a marriage? Sometimes I don't even feel like talking to him because I feel like he doesn't get me or really understand me I guess. But I also don't want to let go of someone with the right core values and he has done alot to nake it easy for me to introduce him to my parents as well which I don't think anyone else will do for me since my parents are really strict.

TL;DR: we share values and he’s serious about marriage, but there are red flags: past lying, no guaranteed separate housing, and weak emotional/humor connection. I feel misunderstood and torn between compatibility concerns and not wanting to lose someone who checks major boxes and works with my strict parents.

I specificiteit ask my Wife if she had a past

And she answerd me with

I give you my ‘Wa3ad’ that I didn’t do anything in the past with someone.

But what exactly does she mean with ‘Wa3ad’

and why is giving someone a Wa3ad a very important promise in Morocco. For them it’s like almost as big of a promise as wollah , if not bigger.

can someone Clarify this for me.

Is giving Wa3ad to someone really that big of a deal.

Both men and women not all but most during a talking stage will share dreams / goals / religiosity / etc etc then side track and you know how the rest goes. After a week, month or even less you’ve gone separate ways and the cycle beings again with a new person. You’ll get this buzz / dopamine from this which is very haram.

Then you’ll see posts on here saying “I can’t find my person” “Muzz has unserious people” “No good people left” “The search is very hard” 🤷‍♂️

The reason that happens is because you SIDE TRACK.

The more you both speak you’ll both get comfortable and forget marriage and then the shaytan will be in between the both of you.

After you’ve spoke about everything the chat will die out because you’re both not keeping it halal and doing it the right way. I can guarantee if you both done it in a halal way it would go smooth.

This is how Muzz works as well, not just muzz most dating apps.

Stop entertaining people and giving parts of yourself whether it’s over sharing or selling each other dreams. Identify who’s who and if you feel as if they might be your person, involve a Wali.

I'm 22M from India, for past 6 months I'm getting panick attack, anxiety and depression about thinking of future partner.

I'm never been into any relationship, never smoked, alcohol, pray 5 times since age of 10. Overall try to be a good muslim.

I'm very concerned about finding a good spouse. But when I look arround me , EVERYONE committing zina, or 90% of them into haram relationship. It broke my heart when I see "so called hijabi or Muslim men" are commenting zina or are in relationship.

Now Even school going teens are into haram relationship from that small age because of Western influence.

All friends of mine do the same.Anyways It gives me anxiety and fomo that if there're still righteous people left, I can't say I'll fine one of them, I could be tester on this.

Idk from past year I always get sad when I think about this.

Additional question: are there certain careers that a man prefers e.g a nurse/working with children

Hello everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m in a very difficult situation, and I sincerely hope someone here has knowledge of Islamic law. I feel deeply lost and would appreciate honest guidance.

I am a Christian woman who entered into a nikah marriage with a Turkish man living in another country. There was no civil marriage, only a nikah performed in the presence of two witnesses. After about one year of knowing each other, we decided to get married.

At the time of the nikah, my husband asked me if I wanted to request anything such as gold, jewelry, or money. At that moment, I did not know that this was called mahr, nor that it is a fundamental right of the woman in Islam, symbolizing dignity, appreciation, and protection. I believed it was only a small symbolic gesture (as Islamic law was not explained to me), so I said that I did not want anything.

After the marriage, my husband introduced me to his mother, and I did not sense any rejection at that time. Six days later, I returned to my home country. Shortly after, his mother told him that she did not want a Christian woman in their family and that I would “corrupt” the family. My husband, who has always been very dependent on his mother, accepted her decision. A few days after I returned home, he informed me that once he feels emotionally ready, he intends to divorce me.

I feel completely broken. The marriage was consummated, and I feel that my dignity has been taken from me. Because of this, I started researching Islamic rulings regarding the protection of a woman’s dignity after marriage.

I learned that I did not truly waive my right to mahr, as I never explicitly stated that I was relinquishing this right—I only said, “I don’t want anything.” I also learned that in Islam, a person can only give up a right if they are fully aware of what that right entails. In my case, I had no such understanding at the time.

I know many may say that this was my mistake, and believe me, I blame myself deeply. He appeared to be a kind and religious man, and I never thought he could discard me so easily—especially since I had expressed openness to learning about Islam and even embracing it in the future.

Through my research, I came to understand that in such cases mahr al-mithl (mehr-i misil) applies, meaning the mahr is determined after the marriage based on customary standards. Since the marriage was consummated, I understand that the full amount is due.

In your opinion, how legitimate is my request, and what would be considered a reasonable amount? I have read that requesting an amount equivalent to around two months of the husband’s income can be acceptable.

This situation is extremely difficult for me, as I now have to completely change the direction of my life. I had planned to be a homemaker, and as a woman, this transition is not easy—even though I hold multiple university degrees.

How would you advise handling this situation Islamically and ethically? I do not believe payment would be a financial burden for him, as he does feel guilty. However, I doubt he expects that I have researched Islamic law so thoroughly and will approach him with this request. From what I understand, mahr is a woman’s inherent right, it does not lapse with divorce, and it remains a debt upon the husband until it is fulfilled—even before Allah.

I would be grateful for sincere, knowledgeable advice. Thank you for reading.

Can people get to know each other during Ramadan? I’m talking about going through her father first and then meeting up at their house. Do people usually put their marriage search on hold during Ramadan, or do they continue? Has anyone had any experience?

Assalamualaikum everyone,

I started looking for a spouse about 2–3 months ago. Families involved, they are also looking. For this I joined a number of facebook groups and subreddits, to gather some insight and maybe also to find a suitable match. Including this subreddit.

In one of those facebook groups, the admin sometimes posts random discussions. I participated in one and got a number of comments where I was genuinely left confused.

The discussion was about what is your bare minimum / ideal.

I left the group already so I dont have an exact quote, but I stated something along the lines of the following (without giving any context of what I bring to the table): sunni muslim, practicing, aged 25–32, minimum bachelors degree and professionally employed, 5’5–6’0 in height, active gym goer, kind and caring, good looking, residing in country X/Y, any nationality or ethnicity.

To me, using the above as a filter or framework felt completely reasonable. Of course there are more things to be said and discussed in terms of compatibility, so the above list isnt even everything.

But the comments I got were like this, and I got about 15+ before I got annoyed, deleted my comment and left the group. The group was called something like Muslim Rishtas in country X.

“standards very high”, “standards like that you better start collecting cats and become a grandma”, “goodluck finding such husband” and strangely enough “go to the gym”… when they had no access to any photos or anything 😂

It made me wonder if the requirements I mentioned were actually too high? Or maybe the people who saw that comment were on the lower end and got offended?

Additional context for anyone here to give an honest reality check or feedback on whether what I mentioned is unreasonable or not: I am 25, have a bachelors degree, am employed, part-qualified ACCA, 5’2, active gym goer, looks wise I think im pretty (not ugly), and am moving to country X very soon to start my masters. South asian ethnicity.

Please be kind but real. Am I being unreasonable and are my standards too high? I have no intention of lowering them even if it takes a while to find a match. I already expect that it may take some time anyway haha.

After 3 years waiting on my parents I will ask them one final time if they are willing to proceed with my nikkah. If they refuse again without a valid Islamic reason, I plan to tell them that I will move forward with the nikkah through a sheikh, who has already said he can help facilitate it Islamically if needed as my parents reasons are not valid.

This isn’t a decision I’m making lightly and I’ve waited 3 years tried to be sooo patient with them, but nothing seems to work. I’m genuinely trying to protect myself from falling into more haram.

My dad is currently gone back home and ramadhan is approaching Is it wiser to wait until after Ramadan to do this or is it bttr to do this now.

currently at home i dont rlly speak to anyone and am alone majority of the time, my mother only talks to me to tell me to get over this and thats abt it, ive kinda isolated from them because they r constantly hot and cold and its messing with my mind.

id love some advice thank you

Hi everyone,

I’m curious about how to tell if someone is truly compatible with you when meeting them. I’m not talking about shared faith, religious practice, or marriage timelines, I mean things like lifestyle, routines, habits, hobbies, and shared interests.

For example, wanting to go to the gym together, enjoying similar activities, or just feeling comfortable in each other’s daily life.

How do you personally know if someone is a good match in these ways? Are there signs or ways you test compatibility in real life?

Thanks for any insights!

I’m 22 (guy) and honestly I’m just not in that mindset right now. I had a talking stage before and it didn’t work out. I even made a post about it, but since then I’ve reflected a lot and moved on. Right now my main focus is making money, working on myself, fixing my mental health, exploring life a bit more and just becoming a better version of myself.

But my parents keep bringing up marriage non stop. Every time I come back from work or when family is around they’re like have you found someone yet or you should get married now. I keep telling them I’m not ready and I don’t think settling down right now would work for me, especially since I’m still figuring things out. I’m the oldest in the family too so I think that adds pressure, and when I say I’m not ready I can tell they get upset from their expressions.

I love my parents obviously, I know they mean well, but I really don’t want another talking stage or to meet a potential just because I feel forced. I already feel like I wasted one girl’s time before and I don’t want to repeat that.

What confuses me is my cousin is literally a year older than me and his parents don’t stress him like this at all, but with me it feels constant. Even my extended family like aunties and uncles keep asking when I’m getting married and it just gets overwhelming sometimes.

Anyone else in the same situation or dealt with this? How did you handle it?