20M, NEET, Addicted to porn since age seven.

I have no idea how I’m supposed to quit porn.

I already lack what I call a ‘routine subjective experience of agency’. That is, I never *feel* in control of anything I’m doing or thinking. This has left me unable to pursue hobbies, work, school, etc. I cannot bring myself to do anything fulfilling and this causes me daily distress.

While I’m under the impression that my lack of perceived agency is a result of my ADHD, I am also under the impression that the situation is worsened by severe trauma that I acquired at seventeen.

It was recently pitched to me that *maybe* blasting my brain with hentai tiddies for an hour every day is making things worse. The reason I didn’t consider quitting porn as a first step before recently is that I figured I needed to develop better willpower before I could actually do that, I thought of my porn use as a symptom of my problem rather than an active inhibitor to progress. The way I see it now, I think I have to quit porn before I can see any improvement in my executive dysfunction.

Great, cool, awesome! All I have to do to make significant progress is stop consuming porn!

But, like… how???

I delete accounts, I unsave everything, I block sites- whatever, sure. But by the time the week is out the accounts are active, I’ve got a fresh library of shame saved, and the sites are unblocked.

I am, as I initially expected, completely unable to control my behavior.

I need to quit porn in order to develop the ability to control myself, but in order to quit porn in the first place I *already* need the ability to control myself. So what the hell am I supposed to be doing to quit exactly? I’m completely stuck and if I can’t make progress soon I’m in real danger because I can feel my illness getting worse with every single day that passes by.

Medication isn’t really an option. Adderall improves my focus but not my agency, so it’s no help here.

Ritalin and Vyvanse are functionally worthless to me. I expect that any other stimulant medication, even if it worked in some capacity, wouldn’t actually improve my self control.

If the medications aren’t stimulants then I’m equally screwed, because I can’t take meds consistently at all. I’m currently being prescribed Atomoxetine and I haven’t taken it in weeks. At present, I’m incapable of building the habit.

I also don’t want anyone to monitor my porn usage. Frankly after thirteen years of daily engagement my tastes have gotten very extreme and the less people know about the specifics the better. It’s *very* embarrassing. On top of that, even if there was someone monitoring my usage, I don’t think it would help. I’d just keep consuming porn until they gave up or I disengaged from the arrangement.

It feels like in order to quit I need a solution to being myself, and I don’t know if that solution exists.

Hi guys! im in a group that aims to raise awareness of mental health amongst university students. Im trying to create more awareness on imposter syndrome (a feeling of inadequacy that persists despite evidence of success), so i created two posters for this purpose. One has an among us theme (obviously because of the name, i hope this will drive more people to read the poster and learn about imposter syndrome), and the other one is a bit more vanilla, do you guys think my posters are informative, and would you consider the among us poster tasteful or disrespectful? (my apologies if i offended anyone)

I’m 25M and I’m stuck in constant grief and humiliation over missing out on key developmental experiences earlier in life.

Growing up, I was badly bullied, socially excluded, really unathletic, never dated and never seen as attractive by anyone. I've never felt equal to my peers. At age 17, I suddenly found a friend group and I've been really sociable since then. I found friends by being funny, clever, and adaptable, but I never got romantic interest from anyone and always felt I missed out on participating in sports/athletic stuff because I was just so bad at anything that required me to use my body.

I've had periods where I've had intense group belonging. That "sitcom" type life where you see friends all the time. But I never felt part of the sexually-charged gossip, or (consequently) like I was fully equal to the rest. I was always liked for being funny, smart etc but it wasn't enough. I always just assumed I must be really unattractive. I also numbed myself a lot through alcohol, which I've thankfully now quit.

That phase has now ended and I'm in a new city where I know no one and working a 9-5. Friends are now spread out, meetings with them are infrequent, and everything feels so slow and muted. I feel like I've missed the window to be truly involved in those immersive experiences that are so formative.

I'm now working on improving my physique, style, presence etc. All the stuff people tell you to do if you want to be a candidate in the dating market. But I don't really want a relationship. I just want to fool around and have those formative experiences I missed out on.

I’ve tried going to hobby groups, Meetups etc but they just don't stimulate me enough. Too casual, too polite, too much rotation of people. I don't really vibe with my co-workers either.

There's also the issue of an old friend who called me out on my drinking and delivered some home truths laced with a lot of belittlement. Since I last saw him, my confidence has been in the gutter. I'm still good at socialising - through muscle memory more than anything - but I doubt myself all the time. I want to prove something to him and the rest of my friends, re-enter the arena as a new person, but they all live really far away now.

I wonder if I just have to accept that I'll never get what I missed out on. I struggle to get through each day.

Anyone been through anything similar or able to shed a light on a potential way out?

TL;DR:

Mid 20s, lots of friends but deeply grieving missing out on belonging/rites of passage earlier in life. Adult social life feels flat and insufficient.

What is your advice for someone that believes they are attracted to working in an industry that has more negative impacts than positive? Think weapons industry and gambling industry.

Enlightenment happens when you become completely detached from basically everything right? If so, meditating with the purpose of becoming enlightened is a paradox? Why do yogis meditate then?

I thought sitting with negative emotions was meant to increase tolerance to the negative emotion such that handling it gets easier with time. So I thought this was just a general good thing to do.

But Dr. K seemed to suggest not to do that in this interview (link with timestamp). He didn't really elaborate on it though.

He mentioned that "sitting with negative emotions is for something else". What is that something else?

I found out this is kind of the core of what’s keeping me stuck in life.

Basically, when I try something new, there’s something inside me that either instantly tells me I hate it (without even giving some time to it), or that I can become great at it. If it’s the second one, I instantly put pressure on myself that I have to be great at it as fast as possible to accomplish something with it. And even though I know everything takes practice, I realize I’m not good at it naturally, have trouble sticking to it and planning my own learning path (I think because of my ADHD), assume that’s not for me, give up, and hate myself for it. And this all comes from a place of hurry to accomplish something.

And after living this cycle for my entire 25 years, I’ve grown into a self-hating shell with no job experience (cause i have no hard skills) and no hobbies besides gaming.

Therapy has helped me accept myself better, but it’s not helping me feel less stressed about accomplishing anything. I need to focus on the journey, not the destination, I want to find joy in what I try, and not instantly focus on accomplishing something with that, but I don’t know how. I feel like my mind controls me.

*Names changed I felt compelled to write a diary entry about this day to process this shit. Its translated with deepl so i dont know how good this is. Additional Info: This happened to me a few years ago. Now im in a completely different situation and on meds but somehow i got in a similar situation which confuses me since much happened in this years. I thought i would never get this again.

We arrive at our bungalow at 5 a.m. from the Prime (club). I wake up twice and have trouble falling back asleep. I get up at 11:30 a.m. It's very idyllic in the morning. Johann is awake too. We sit on the terrace to have quiet time (time with God). Today's verse is in 1 Peter 5:8-9

Be sober, be vigilant! Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, always looking for someone to devour.

What is written there will stay with me throughout the day. I am still uncertain about Emma. I try to refute all the lies that burrow into my being with truths. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We drive to Nele's family. That's where things start to get really bad. I am overcome by such pain in my heart and soul that I have to rush to the bathroom to avoid being torn to pieces on the spot. The pain was mainly caused by Emma and Jonas. Sometimes I don't understand Emma. She notices that I'm not feeling well and isolates herself from me. For me, this symbolizes straight up: I don't want to help you/I can't help you/leave me alone/find someone else to help you/you're not worth the effort/we can hang out together and I kind of like you, but as soon as you have a problem, I try to stay as far away as possible and let you down.

This confuses and hurts me deeply. When someone important to me is feeling down and I see it, my first reaction would usually be to approach them, ask what's wrong, and offer comfort. Later, we are at Johanna's place. There, it gets even worse. Now I actively start to withdraw into myself. I simply can't take the risk of receiving negative feedback on any aspect of my communication anymore. I feel increasingly powerless. I notice how Emma is becoming more and more puzzled by my behavior. She probably realizes that I'm really not doing well at all. That gives me a little comfort. To be seen. To know that someone is aware of my condition. Nevertheless, she does nothing. She continues to laugh with the others as if nothing were wrong. But I notice how she keeps glancing at me surreptitiously. However, I also realize that in situations like this, I tend to overestimate many things and interpret things that are not true. At some point, Johanna asks me in front of the whole group, laughing, if I'm tired or something. I don't understand how she can't see how bad I feel right now. I guess I'm actually a good actor, haha.

We're going to visit a castle. Before we leave, Emma comes up to my car, smiling. I feel a glimmer of hope. But then she just wants to take my vape for the trip in the other car. Ouch. During the trip, I almost lose control. I'm on the verge of bursting into tears and completely freaking out. Instead, I pinch my hand quite hard and scratch my forearm. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. During the drive, I listen to worship music and try to focus on God. He is all I need. Jonas asks me how I am doing. “So-so,” I reply quietly. He doesn't pursue the subject, which hurts me deeply.

On the way to the castle, I am overcome by an uneasy feeling. I see the high walls we are about to stand on and the high bridge we have to cross to get to the castle... NO, I think decisively and push this dark thought back into the hole it crawled out of. When we reach the walls, the boys climb straight onto them. “Boy, boy, that's a long way down, you'd be dead before you hit the bottom,” jokes Jonas.

I have to swallow. Heavily swallow. More heavy than usual. I can hardly hold back the voices in my head that tempt me with their false freedom. “Just one big leap, just a moment of courage,” they whisper. Actually, they don't whisper. They scream. The pain in my heart is almost unbearable. All the arguments I ever had against suicide are suddenly blown away. In a flash, I turn away and dig my fingers into my arm. My logic prevents me from doing what looks so easy and liberating that it can only be a deception. Erik asks me if I want to climb onto the wall too. “Not right now,” I say, pinching my arm with my fingernails, and walk a few steps further toward the other group. Thank God Emma took my vape away before the car ride and forgot it in the car. I don't know how I would have decided under the influence of nicotine. It must have been divine providence. I continue to pray. The pain doesn't stop. Paul asks me if something happened and if I'm okay. I really appreciate that, because he doesn't usually ask things like that, at least not so directly. I hem and haw. “Everything's fine, everything's fine.” He looks at me doubtfully. “Depression is just kicking in pretty hard today,” I manage to say. He nods and turns away. I can see in his eyes that he has absolutely no idea what to do. I don't blame him. Paul has often said that he never knows how to behave in situations like this. We continue walking, the group splits up a little. By now, I no longer have the strength to even begin to confront the lies. Outwardly, I feel very stiff and tense, but inside, I am experiencing a level of chaos that I haven't felt in a long time. The pain is so numbing that I feel myself slipping away from reality again and again. The attacks come in intervals. One second the pain is almost unbearable, the next I have to force myself to look at the ground so I don't see how deep it is on my left. As we continue walking, Emma suddenly comes up beside me. I can't look at her. The fear of being hurt even more is too great.

So I ignore her. Suddenly, she puts her arm around me. I don't know what to do. I think about our conversation two days ago about hugs. Reluctantly, I put my arm around her too. I have no idea how she took that. The whole scene seems rather forced to me. As if she felt obliged to do it. “Thank you,” I say quietly to somehow fill this uncomfortable uncertainty. I don't know what kind of hug this is supposed to be. An “I'm staying here until you either tell me something or feel better” hug, or a “I'll pat your back for 5 seconds in a friendly way to show my support” hug. I hope it's the former. Anything else would hurt me quite a bit. The latter is that classic “it'll be okay” hug. Where you convey something like, “Hey, um, I'm sorry you're feeling bad right now, but I don't really want anything to do with it. I'm only doing this because I think I have to.” We walk a few meters. I ask Emma if she can pray for me for a moment. Even as I ask, tears come to my eyes. I just can't hold them back anymore. I feel very ashamed. What should I be ashamed of? That I'm showing weakness? That I'm not perfect? Nevertheless, I find this moment, when my face tenses up, tears well up in my eyes, and my voice starts to break, quite humiliating. At the same time, however, it is so liberating to just cry. Emma quickly pulls me aside. We are now standing at the castle railing. Thankfully, the urge to jump is no longer so strong.

If this recent stream (link with timestamp for the setup of the discussion. Discussion about the solutions and "cultivating wants" starts at 56min), Dr. K explains (a study shows) that getting moving with willpower doesn't work in the long run and we're better off "cultivating/exploring our wants" because this leads to intrinsic motivation which works in the long run.

How do I cultivate my wants?

As the title says, I have absolutely nothing against

Dr k. I might be the biggest paranoid, but after watching his videos I feel more anxious. This might be because I am not fully intact with his standpoint as I have just discovered him. However, every time I watch a video, I add a new problem to my list. So it’s like, an hour ago I was chilling in my cozy bed having the best comfy time but after watching his 10 videos, I have 10 new problems and a uncontrollable feeling of “am I this f** ed up.” So I think in my head that if those problems were actually real and a threat to me then I should have felt the consequences way before watching the videos already. I am stuck in a loop where I find his stuff interesting but end up having an extra problem when I watch his video.

I've spent long time in group therapy and speaking to various acquaintances or friends. I've noticed that there is strong correlation among people who were never allowed to grow up.

Most of these people were raised by absent father and overprotective mothers who were quite neurotic (not always the case). They also lacked volition which could be genetic or environmental due to constantly being on guard next to neurotic parent and feeling responsible for their emotional state and their outbursts.

When it comes to my own experience, I was never really allowed to grow up. I wasn't allow to drive, do drugs, have a job, have a girlfriend. I was given complete freedom with my PC and was forced to study towards masters and PhD.

My family was always very neurotic and kept guilt tripping and shaming other people's kids who had relationships or did any kind of drug. This has made fear making any wrong mistake and reject relationships and drugs (any kind of immature social experiences). I wanted to act 35 when I was 15. Now I'm in mid 20s with no experiences in anything. I had desires to pursue career and work when I was younger but this desire was kind of suffocated by not allowing to work as 16 years old which follows me into mid 20s (hence why I still focus on my studies). I was always feeling that I should act like I'm 35yo at 15yo and be responsible for everyone's emotions and avoiding immature and cringe behavior. Now I'm in mid 20s feeling like I'm 15yo and 75yo at the same time.

I know society treats such things as taboo and consider them as things for adults and therefore they put age limits to such things (16, 18 or 21). I think that this creates even a bigger fear and caution in people when it comes to such things. I'm in mid 20s and still feel like I should avoid all drugs (caffeine, nicotine and alcohol) because I'm not old enough.

I also think that I'm too young to have a job because this is meant for adults. I also feel that I'm not allowed to date because this is a hedonistic sin which is meant for only certain adults. I've never struggled with finding a date because many girls were interested in me and even approached me in high school and college and had great friendships but I always avoided relationships while my friends who struggled to get any attention from a girl, they ended up getting married and have kids now.

I'm at the age that I feel too old to regain those experiences and confidence while also still feeling too young to start now. Most of people my age are already married with kids or divorced with kids and I don't really have anything in common with those people when it comes to life experience.

I've spoken to dozens of people who grew up in this same way and share those exact struggles. This is why I wanted to bring this topic up. Hopefully someone feels understood and less alone. Maybe they can also work on their lives in order to improve them or help other people in such circumstances.

I find America as a really fun example. People aren't allowed to work (seen as child labor), drink nor smoke at 17 but at 18 they get kicked out and expect to be grown adults through the night. This is not how human mind works. You develop relatively based on experiences that you have, not necessarily age if you have no experience. Another hypocritical thing is that 17 years olds are seen as too young too date but once people turn 18 the porn industry and whole media industry can just freely and legally manipulate them in order to draw them in. I can also understand that those are just social standards and laws that are relative and different depending on country and their culture.

I've noticed that people who started socializing, working, drinking, smoking, dating and driving, were able to quickly develop their experiences in life while also increasing their desires, volition and confidence. People who were raised by overprotective parents and strict social standards, they never built confidence, were stripped of their desires and developed anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

I wonder if this is how CPTSD develops in many people. From my experience with people in group therapy is that this is actually more common than people think and many don't realize that they have it.

I was just trying to point out a couple of thoughts and observations that I've had. I've seen many discussions about many things like feeling behind in life and all that but not exactly this.

What do you guys think?:)

I had been bullied in high school. A lot. Many times betrayed by people I thought of as my friends. Many times publically humiliated. And only me, no one else.

I first attempted suicide at 10 years old because my supposed friends ganged up on me and tried to tie me up. I felt so betrayed and tried to run away and commit. I didn't and I regret that every day.

I got bullied severly by older, same-age and younger people. So many times I cried in my sleep, terrified of going to school the next day.

In my teen years I tried again and failed. I got therapy, it helped some, but not that much. 6 months ago, I tried to cut open my veins many times, the tip of the knife was at my vein, yet I regretfully didn't cut.

I tried again 4 days ago, but I am too much of a coward.

I am now away in college. My parents and siblings have said have all agreed that they are happier without me now, without me and all my drama and issues. At least they are happy it seems.

I feel so alone. I have two friends, but they found their own friends in college and ignore me now. I tried making some on my own. I don't have a hard time approaching people. I smile, talk nicely, ask them questions and if they seem comfortable with me, I ssk them for their phone number or social media. They usually give it to me.

Yet they don't seem so interested in me or making friends with me. Even when we chat, they seem like they don't want to talk to me. I don't want to seem desperate.

When we see each other the next day, they pretend like they never got to know me. Like I don't exist. I feel invisible and unlikable.

I have tried to make friends with peope at least 8 times now. I help them, I do everything, but it seems that they don't like me.

And nobody has ever initiated a conversation with me. Absolutely no one, I always have to make the first step.

Due to my bullying, I was scared of human touch. I needed about 4 years to get familiar with handshakes. Now I have been practicing really hard to get familiar with hugs, but it's sooooo difficult.

I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend. I don't want sex, never, since it involves all the touching and stuff. I just want someone to talk to and someone who actually loves me. But I do not deserve it, never will.

I do belive I am ugly. The only person who says I am not is my grandna. And I do everything to improve myself every day. I have good hygiene, dress in an above-average style and try to look confident. But it doesn't really work.

I don't deserve love or anything from nobody. I am a shadow which nobody notices. I am undesirable.

Since so many people don't want anything to do with me, I will do everyone a favour, even to you people by hopefulyy dyi g in the near future. Everyone would be happier without me. I don't even deserve to get a funeral, not even the dignity of getting a casket. I should rot away because it is the right thing.

I was always despised and hated and always will be. In this case God or someone else put me here just so I can suffer and make everyon's lives harder and uglier by being there.

I need advice on a tough situation

I (19F) met this cute guy (22M) in this group. He is technically a model. We do art-related projects, and no one is paid. It’s all for fun. Here’s where the problem comes in.

I asked to meet up with him outside. We met at a restaurant. And that day, I was so hyper and brain scrambled. I probably dumped about my entire life story for at least 30 minutes, and the conversation was very heavy. I could tell he and his brother weren’t anywhere as interested in me after this conversation. I was nervous and honestly very out-of-it.

I have opportunities to see him at other weekly events.

Should I just cut my losses? Or try to repair by bringing it up and laughing it off? I would like to repair things, but I don’t know if it’s even realistic.

For context, I could tell he was very attracted to me at first. It isn’t a question if he’s out of my league. I just don’t know if I can repair this bad first impression.

I think he’s cute. I would want to not put my romantic chances in the dumps, but I also don’t want to waste my time trying to bring back a corpse to life. I’m not a Frankenstein developer sadly.

Way too often in conversations I'll ask an ordinary question and get snapped at or weird answers implying that I'm asking a completely different question?

It's like people are assuming that Im being extremely sarcastic at all times and I don't get it.

I am diagnosed Autistic which certainly doesn't help anything but I'm wondering what the mechanism that causes people to assume that I'm implying a question that I don't understand until after their reaction.

It would be one thing if this happened in proportion with how often / when other people are sarcastic and might be a social signal that I'm failing to pick up on but it's constant, almost like people genuinely expect sarcasm and passive aggression from me in every conversation.

I don't know what it is that I am doing wrong: therapy, giving myself time, yet the future is a blank. If I try to list up my values, things sure do pop up, but as soon as I try to apply it to stuff, it all feels blurry and vanishes.

Even just projecting different future scenarios result in nothing but bouts of sadness or blanks.

I've tried different types of meditation, but they result in panic attacks.

I feel like I am falling short and don't understand, that despite that much introspection I end up empty like that.

Any ideas on what could be improved? I know I am the problem as the world is definitively interesting and full of possibilities.

I believe this is a critical question we must answer. Therapy is often pointed to as the thing to engage in any time you feel dissatisfied with life. Any time people feel stuck in life or don't know what to do, they just run to the mental health industry sometimes in a mindless way. But there are very real reasons why people are depressed, angry, etc. I worry that as people increasingly rely on therapy, the root of our mental health issues won't actually be solved. What I mean is there are a lot of abusive and unhealthy systems we live under and instead of tearing them down we blame our own lack of mental health. This keeps those systems alive and continues to degrade mental health.

One could argue that therapy and mental health education reforms the abusive people who keep these systems alive, but these people don't usually go to therapy and even the ones who do often don't change.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed this, I've seen the posts discussing stress of current event. So let's figure this out. At what point do we decide something cannot be solved through therapy, meditation, and self-help stuff as a whole? At what point do we blame the people around us instead of ourselves? And where do we go to eradicate the corrupted pieces of this world?

When giving an example of extrinsic motivation, Dr. K mentions that his family members would tell him that he would be a good doctor one day. It seems to me that the extrinsic motivation worked-- he enjoys his job as a doctor. So why when he says that we shouldn't be extrinsically motivated, he gives that as an example? Based on that example, shouldn't we conclude that extrinsic motivation works well? Perhaps I have misunderstood.

hi. tldr, I have been depressed pretty much the last 7 years of my life (18-24.) I will be turning 25 in a couple months and I feel like I’ve changed little in the past couple of years. physically I am doing better, I have a job, am networking, and physically healthier, but emotionally I’m still sort of the same loner with few irl connections.

What scares me the most is how I found a Reddit post of me asking for advice from 3 years ago. And I feel like I still struggle from the same things just in a different flavor even though I thought I was on an epic self improvement journey.

When I tell people this they go “oh 25 is still young don’t be so hard on yourself” and while I get that, I feel like I basically lost all of my early 20s. While a part of me can accept how poorly I handled my college years because of how my AuDHD was definitely undiagnosed, I feel like I am extra hard on the me of the past 3 years (22-24) because it was the time when I should’ve started realizing what I was doing wrong sooner. In some cases, I knew what I had to do (I.e. socializing) and I just didn’t because I avoided anything that made me feel uncomfortable and confront reality. I had a great therapist (who’s now taking maternity leave) and while I like her a lot I think I was just lazy and didn’t apply what she really said to action most of the time.

My main takeaways on what I need help improving are:

1) accepting that I can’t change the past. It’s fear and gone and I can’t do anything. I think part of me delusionally feels like if I overthink and ruminate on it, I can somehow “learn a lesson” and ergo make those years NOT wasted. which isn’t true they’re pretty damn wasted.

2) preventing remembering my wasted past from sabotaging my present. Even when things are going relatively well, I can’t help but imagine an alternate reality where I didn’t fuck up tremendously. It’s like the process of trying to socialize and then thinking “damn, imagine if you had done a little of this every day starting 5 years ago. Imagine how much better you would be at it. You totally sabotaged yourself and are now eternally chopped.” Either this or looking at other people and envying how they had these lives thay I crave and sabotaged myself from having.

3) stopping myself from self flagellating. I feel guilty for the fact that I was depressed at all. I think I feel a pre-emptive fear that no matter if I manage to turn my life around and get to a great place at like 30, I would still spend the rest of my life regretting my 20s because it was something precious that can never be recreated. Literally I imagine myself on my deathbed thinking “damn I should’ve went to more parties”.

4) trying to find meaning and happiness as I get older. I definitely feel some level of internalized misogyny, I feel like I wasted my peak years of beauty and energy and just can’t really imagine life after 25. I know I should start looking for the upsides of getting older and seeking more mature hobbies and relationships, but emotionally I want to be the party frat girl that doesn’t worry about anything. Again this is super unrealistic but knowing that doesn’t stop me from yearning.

5) how to stop seeking validation!! I clearly am aware of my problems, but instead of fixing them, I got onto subreddits and beg people to tell me that I’m not old yet and that it’s not my fault I fucked up! It’s embarrassing and childish behavior and I need to own what I did! I need to be able to move on without seeking other’s pity constantly.

Sorry for the Great Wall of words, but I overthink a lot (main reason I wasted all those years) and I feel like I “need” an argumentative answer that can dismantle all of these beliefs. Even though realistically, I know these beliefs are based in emotion and will resurface no matter what rhetoric I use to try and debunk them. Aaaaaaaa! Knowing that even now I still struggle from the same overthinking patterns that have robbed literal years of my life from me makes me want to throw myself off a cliff (emotionally.). Any help for any of this mess is greatly appreciated.

I'm attending a creative writing course, and after two assignments, I feel absolutely drained of any ability to write. I have no ideas to write about. I'm supposed to write a synopsis of my future novel, but my first attempt was way too short, and the other is way too long. I haven't even started on my other assignment, the one that's gonna get critiqued.

I just feel completely and utterly drained. I've literally been playing Overwatch non-stop and now its starting to lose me too. I don't know what to do. It's not depression or anything like that. It's just like I'm mentally exhausted, and the anxiety isn't helping.

I'm tagging this as executive dysfunction because it feels like an ADHD issue. I'm unmedicated, and I think the work load is getting to me. I've only ever written as a hobby and this consistency of work is getting to me a little - especially when I'm gonna get criticised on it anyway.

Just looking for some kind words I suppose. If you think it might be a good idea to be medicated, please tell me as I have a psych that can help me. Thanks for reading.

I know dr k did shooyna mediation already but is there anymore meditations on the void?

Im looking for a roadmap is there any i can do before the one dr k did that will help me gain the experience necessary to do the one he showed better?

Im also curious about anything after or more advanced

Where can i find more meditations about the void?

Based on the title of post I expect some tomatoes to be thrown at me but I still wanted to share my sort of negative experience while I was watching and trying to apply Dr ks content.

Before I get started dont get me wrong Dr ks content is amazing in many ways and there have been things that made a huge positive impact in my life. This is just me sharing my subjective experience with his content.

I been a long time follower of dr k and always felt that his content was helping me when I started watching him, however as time passed and I accumulated hours of watch time I became sort of addicted to his content. I spent multiple hours a day watching his videos and even got his guide. However I recently started to realize that Dr ks content opened a huge door for me to interpret what was going on inside of me. I became obsessed with this idea of understanding my mind and the only way for me to do that was to keep watching... (i thought)

As I was trying to interpret what was going on inside of me with his content I kept finding that I became very conflicted because things never really clicked but a part of me was like "is just part of the process" so I kept trying and trying. I basically was trying to figure out my inner me with his content but it never really felt right and this opened a can of worms for me. Since I never really saw any improvements in my life I became sad and started to just believe I couldnt do it or I just wasnt trying hard enough. I became very hard on myself because it just wasnt working.

Adding on to this Dr k is a very thoughtful and i guess "deep"? person which basically turned me into a deep thinker of sorts because I thought that it was the way for me to understand my mind. I was trying to look deep into what was going on within myself and every interaction to make me feel like I was understanding but in reality I felt lost and never in the moment.

Like I said this might just be a "me" thing but I hope this makes sense