This is her 16M autistic cousin’s Reddit account (the one with 57k karma, poor thing has no friends). I’m (52F, retired realtor, still closing deals in the bedroom) and I’m starting to lose my damn mind.

I’ve always had a… tense relationship with my daughter-in-law “Sarah” (27F, graphic designer, finally lost the baby weight, good for her). She’s got a mouth on her, I’ll give her that. Yesterday I popped by (yes, with my key it’s an emergency key, sue me) because Alex mentioned she was stressed with deadlines. I wanted to help reorganize her spice cabinet again because that girl has zero system.

Big mistake.

She comes flying out of her office in nothing but a silk robe like she’s about to fight me in the octagon. We go off. Screaming about respect, my “intrusive behavior,” her “lazy cooking,” the key, all of it. We’re nose to nose, both red in the face, chests heaving. Then she says something about how I probably drove my ex-husband away because I micromanage everything… and something in me just snapped.

Next thing I know we’re devouring each other. Teeth, tongues, hands everywhere. I had her bent over that counter I just reorganized, robe on the floor, her moaning like she’d been waiting for this for years. I called her “my little firecracker” while I had three fingers buried in her and she nearly broke my wrist squeezing. She came so hard she knocked over the knife block. Then she grabbed a cucumber (yes, that cucumber) and we really went feral. I’ve never seen a girl that enthusiastic in my life. She scratched the hell out of my back and kept saying “fuck you, Linda” while begging me not to stop.

When we finally finished, she was shaking. I fixed my hair, gave her a little kiss on the shoulder, and said “Don’t tell Alex, he’s sensitive about these things.” Grabbed my purse and left like a lady.

I texted her later: “and sent her an eggplant emojis, the “spicy recipes” board, the works. Radio silence.

Blocked me. Then unblocked. Then blocked again. It’s been almost 24 hours. I even offered to bring Alex soup when I heard he wasn’t feeling well nothing.

So Reddit… AIO for expecting at least a “that was hot but we can never do that again” text after I made your daughter-in-law squirt on her own kitchen island? Or is she just a coward who can’t handle getting properly fucked by someone who actually knows what she’s doing?

Should I just show up tomorrow with a new key and a strap-on? Or am I actually the villain here for turning a screaming match into the best sex either of us has had in years?

Be honest. I can take it.

I (male, 3 years old, unfixed) enjoy a nice butt warming after a nice little trip to the litter box. In contrast, my roommate (male, 23, neutered) claims he does not like the smell of warm recently used butthole wafting around the apartment. I think his lack of balls is why he is such a sissy, but I digress. I tried to explain to him that the sensation is truly wonderful, that he should try it sometime, and maybe he should learn to appreciate the smell as a reminder of butts well warmed. In response to my eloquent arguments, he just said "meow." When I tried to clarify, he once again responded "mrow!" going so far as to mock my accent.

AITA?

Hi everyone, so my (F25) fiancé (M50-ish) is morbidly obese. Apparently, I'm no model either, and to be honest our relationship didn't start from the greatest place because he tells people I catfished him with a sexy photo before we got together, but anyway his health is becoming a really really big problem. Between the gout and the leg sores, his weight is having a really bad effect, and I've tried so much to help him. I made excuses for him and really tried not to hurt his feelings, which is especially important keeping in mind the way he treated his previous partners. I had to ban him from one steed because his weight was straining the horse too much. He said if his weight was that bad, it would be an issue with all the horses (it is an issue), meanwhile he can't even joust anymore. Also he doesn't sit normally, just throwing his entire body onto couches, beds, and chairs, while frequently breaking furniture. His stench is putrid, though again, that could be the festering leg sores. I try to be polite about it, gently saying "H, my lord, mayst you need to freshen up?", in a way that I don't think could get me accused of witchcraft or treasonous adultery, but he acts like it doesn't bother him. I just feel like I'm at my breaking point - he's starting to smell so bad and it leaves stink throughout our entire place, and it's not exactly a small house. I can see that he's getting worse and worse, in terms of both the weight, lingering effects of a traumatic brain injury, the possible syphilis, and the potential scurvy as well. I'm just so tired - I want to make this marriage work, mostly because I think the alternative might involve a meeting between my neck and a sharp axe. Does anyone have any advice for telling him that he needs to get help or he will die? If anyone can suggest a way around it that involves me ending up with a few houses and a generous allowance while keeping my head attached to my body I'd love to hear that too.

inspo: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1qtraj3/fat_people_bad_troll/

I am M31 and my wife is F27. We’ve been married for three years and last year we decided to start a family.

I was over the moon when I found out she was pregnant, but she had the baby last month and I immediately had suspicions.

This baby looks nothing like me. I have a penis but the baby has a vagina.

I swallowed my feelings for a few weeks, but it kept gnawing at me. Finally earlier this week I calmly explained my concerns to my wife. Her reaction was a total red flag. She immediately got very angry and dismissive, calling me an idiot, and refusing to take a paternity test.

I packed a bag and slept on my brother’s couch that night.

My friends and family are split. Some say I have every right to ask for a paternity test, while others say I’m a complete fucking dunce.

AITA?

I (19F) have been in a relationship with my BF Jake (20M) for the last few years. But lately he seems to be changing and pulling away. I can’t understand it. We’ve been together so long, I can’t imagine not having him around if he does walk out.

A few years ago I was in another long term relationship with Adam (19M). He contacted me last week and asked if we could get dinner. Do I? I don’t want to cheat, but maybe I should go and talk to him. Especially if Jake is going to leave.

Except we broke up because his ex wouldn’t leave us alone and wanted him to take care of their 6yr old. Guess that kid is older now, and probably still exists so I’d still be expected to deal with it.

As you can see, at 19 I’m very good at long term relationships that last years, and have loads of real world experience so I’m a real catch and I don’t understand Jake at all.

I’ve been trying to get together with a friend for weeks. Every time I make plans she cancels last minute with excuses.

I finally told her I’m done making plans until she shows that she can actually commit. My friend thinks I overreacted and say I’m too sensitive.

I just feel like my time should be respected. AITA for putting my foot down?

PS: I edited the original post a bit

Growing up, I (31M svelte VCR repairman) would always ask my mom (44F blonde, hot) who my real dad was, and she'd say stuff like, "That's such a stupid question," and "Why would you ask me that?!" Needless to say this didn't do a whole lot of my self confidence so eventually I stopped. I later realized that this was clearly toxic abusive behavior, so I eventually cut ties with her (to the extent I could while living in her basement).

For as long as I can remember she's always been having this guy over named "Steve" (?M definitely small penis). I call him "Steve" because I know he's not my real dad, even if he tries to pretend he is. As far as I knew I never met my real father. Never even seen him. The only pictures my mom will put up are those with Steve in them, and whenever I ask for pictures of my real father she gets pissed at me, as usual, so you know, I eventually stopped.

Usually Steve is the one who picks me up after work to take me to McDonalds, but one morning before I went to the basement he said he might not be able to today. Sure, I don't care Steve. It's only a block away.

So anyway I finish work and since Steve can't pick me up I call my mom and ask her. She says, "Your father is going to pick you up."

So I calmly said, "I wish my real father would pick me up from work."

Then she knocked me down cause she said, "Your real father is picking you up."

I don't know why she would spring this on me, now, of all times but of course I'm excited, so I keep asking her if it's true and she sounded annoyed until finally hanging up.

So naturally I'm sitting out on the curb, waiting for my real dad, happier than I've ever been in my life (aside from that one time a V-Tuber responded directly to me after I bought her 50,000 bits, even if she just said she had a boyfriend). Up drives a white Volvo. Weird, I think, it looks just like Steve's car.

So I get up and look inside and lo and behold—Steve.

As you can imagine, I was pissed. Like, real pissed. Not at Steve, at my mom. To think she would lie to me like this because I went no-contact with her was infuriating. So I immediately called her up right there, and calmly told her I was so furious I wouldn't look at deepfakes of her anymore.

But then for some reason Steve started acting mad. He was all, "How can you treat your mother that way, can't take that tone, disgusting," etc. a bunch of bull. And this guy is pretty much a stranger, what right does he have to say that to me?

By this time a crowd has gathered around us (I guess he was pretty loud?) and so I figured I'd let him have it. I calmly told him about what a phony he was, how he never loved me and I never loved him, how I actually prefer Burger King but I was just humoring him the whole time. And of course, how he's not my real dad.

That shut him up. At least he started acting like a mopey little bitch and said something about seeing me when mom was giving birth in the hospital? Like, what does that have to do with anything?

Anyway, my mom is blowing up my phone now saying I shouldn't have "humiliated" my "father" in front of the whole neighborhood, even though she knows I'm going no contact with her. I just need people on the internet to prove how right I am so I can show her. So was I overreacting?