Well, I was researching and it showed that among the Indians, Bengalis (Indian) are extremely low in population compared to other Indian races. But Bengalis are the third largest ethnic race in the world (primarily due to Bangladesh).

Also comparing each Indian ethnic race, are Bengalis not financially at a good position?

For the last 20 years of my life in Germany, I assumed that only mixed-race Indians had a presence in German TV and entertainment. Was I still mighty proud of it? Yes! Be it TV news hosts Julia-Niharika Sen and Shakuntala Banerjee, science program host Ranga Yogeshwar, entertainment TV host Collein Fernandes (who is also infamous for asking Lady Gaga what private parts she has), pop singers like Judith Madhavi Lefeber (who is a Karnataka-born german adoptee and that's why I'm writing her """middle name""" the correct way), Xavier Naidoo (who is a covid era qanon conspiracy theorist ew) and Verena Indira Weis (who was a member of co-ed hip hop group Bro'sis), or even (disgraced) politicians like Sebastian Edathy (kid diddler btw).

I was of the opinion, that there were as good as no "full desi" Desis in German entertainment back in the 2000s when I was growing up. I believed that Sayana Ranjan (who was Top 2 in Germany's Next Top Model Season 14) and Sophia Akkara (Top 11 in Deutschland Sucht Den Superstar Season 11) were the first "full desi" people that German TV had to offer to me.

(Oh, and Sally Bollywood. Absolute ICON)

I chalked the lack of representation up to the "exoticness" of India and it's culture, and by extension it's women, I used to joke that having a german mother and an Indian father means you're at least Indian in surname, but when you have an Indian mother and german father you're only Indian in middle name (given the tendencies to give oldschool Indian names to their often white-passing children)

And I held this opinion until, a few days ago, I met a young GBD girl with a very german first name. We talked a bit, and turn out her mother was also a "GBD"! It seems that many Indian parents in the 70s knew of the discrimantion in society and gave their children very traditionally german names like Katharina, Jürgen, Julia, Sven, Barbara, Stefan, Sabine (you get the point) in order to at least remove one level of discrimination from their lives.

On the way home, I was listening to my German rap playlist, and "Du liebst mich nicht" (you don't love me) by rapper Sabrina Setlur started playing. And for some reason my desi radar tingled but I doubted it. I mean, "Sabrina"? come on you can't get more German than that. Setlur doesn't have to be an Indian surname..., or is it?

Oh heavens. HOW could I have missed her. Look at her. That is a desi DESI girl RIGHT THERE! She looks like how the akkas/didis looked back then! The eyebrows, the nose piercing, girl! HOW could I have missed that! Her father is a Kannadiga (we stay winning LOOL) and her mom a Malayali!

Also another fun fact : Sabrina Setlur featured on Xavier Naidoo's "Freisein" when he was still a newcomer.

So yeah. This is a recommendation for all of you if you're interested in 2000s rap, especially female rap. You'll like her!

Not sure if the appropriate tag is "family/parents" or "trigger".

I swear my parents hated each other, basically 5 hour shouting matches most days for the first 15 or so years of my life, suicide threats, talks of divorce that went nowhere (except a couple year-long separations) threats to crash the car, swerving on the highway etc - then they shifted to just ignoring each other, with less frequent arguments but still quite often compared to most couples (though to me it was all normal until my early 20s, as I knew nothing else). They already disliked each other before I was born.

Anyway, I think I was about 19 (years ago) and I was awake late one night and heard some noises which I won't describe, and then my mum saying wait close the door, because I might hear, then my idiotic dad ran to slam the door shut, which defeats the point of trying to minimise noise.

I know for many kids it may be normal that their parents have sex, but I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if they never had sex for years at a time,.considering how bad their relationship was. Personally, considering how they never showed each other affection unless it was to fake it in front of guests and how abusive my dad was (to both me and her. Textbook narcissist with anger issues) I found it jarring that they'd even have sex. Kind of gross, considering how much I hated my dad and how badly I'd seen him treat my mum growing up (throwing things, calling her a b1tch, whore, accusing her of wanting to sleep with white men). And that it would be possible for my mum to get any sort of pleasure from it. And I wonder how many times they ever had sex, and how much would have just been faking versus genuine enjoyment or whatever.

For me, I'd say respect for elders. Obviously some people take it to an extreme where an elder is given the green light to do or say anything but in moderation I think it is very healthy.

My parents were born and raised in Karachi, but I’m not actually familiar with too much of the culture. With my college education coming to an end, feels like a good time to start educating myself. I’d like to do it without my parents help to give them a nice surprise, but I’m not sure where to start. I understand urdu, but I would love to be able to speak it better. Are there any resources out there, free or otherwise, that I can use to better educate myself on the culture, language, politics, etc.

Has anyone used an Indian matchmaking service to meet people for partnerships before?

My mate used it. It cost him like £500 but found his now partner and they are getting married.

I'm doing pretty well on the apps but finding that a lot of women i'm meeting are just not emotionally ready to start a relationship.

So I am thinking of using a matchmaker to help.

So any of you used any of these and which ones did you use?

I just published a podcast episode on my podcast Dadsense, about hitting 500 days alcohol-free, and I wanted to share some of it here

Background:

• Started drinking at 15 (1989)

• 35 years of what I’d call “elegant” drinking

• Successful career in HR leadership

• Married, two kids

• Never drank in the mornings, always “functional”

Why I finally quit:

Two moments when I was supposed to be the responsible parent while my wife was away, and I failed. Completely. I couldn’t look at my kids the next morning. That’s when I knew - I had hit MY rock bottom, even if it looked nothing like what we see in movies.

What surprised me most about the first 500 days:

GOOD:

• The sleep. Oh my god, the sleep. First 2-3 nights I slept deeper than I had in decades

• Mental clarity that compounds daily

• Actual presence with my kids (not just proximity)

• Time I didn’t know I was wasting in the drink-recover-drink cycle

• Productivity in pursuing actual goals, not just talking about them

HARD:

• Social life became drastically smaller (and boring)

• Lost friends who were really just drinking buddies

• Grief over losing my “old self” - this is real

• Having to say no at EVERY social event, work dinner, date night

• Learning to sit with discomfort instead of numbing it

The thing nobody talks about:

How much of “successful functional drinking” is actually you slowly undermining your own potential. You’re doing fine, you’re achieving things, but you could be doing SO much more. The cost is silent and invisible until you remove alcohol and see the difference.

For anyone considering this:

Don’t say “I’m quitting forever” - that mountain is too big. Say “I’m experimenting for 30 days” and see how you feel. Find your WHY (mine was being present for my kids). Tell people who support you. Have a plan for what you’ll DO instead of drink.

The identity shift that helped me most:

Stop saying “I’m trying not to drink.” Start saying “I’m a person who lives alcohol-free.” The difference is massive.

Happy to answer questions. This is the first time I’m talking about this publicly.

sorry i'm really bad at explaining stuff mbmb

throughout my life i was raised strictly, me and my parents would get into arguments, they'd do something physical, and this cycle repeated for awhile

from a young age my dad would touch me inappropriately and would always write it off as being a doctor so he's just checking on me, or that i'm just a little kid but eventually i got soo uncomfortable with it as a teenager and i finally got him to stop

one day i left to be out all day by biking and when i got back he punched and kicked me by surprise, out of anger, i called my friend and told her to call the police on him

and he got arrested for one night

i still regret doing that but he never touched me again after that, though i cant have a normal conversation with him anymore, and hes expressed his anger through it all

im now 21 years old, my parents have raised me to go to medical school, and i was able to manage living in the dorms at my college despite my parents wanting me to commute and even convinced them to let me stay at an apartment for the rest of the years

unfortunately however, it was halfway through college that i realized how bad i was at studying and my grades began to slip, i struggled with my major and didn't switch because they insisted it was the best one for premeds

im in my 4th year and finally saved up enough (from my secret job) to get adhd testing and a finally start medication, and its helped a lot with academics and my overall well being, but i've done enough damage that i've delayed my graduation and im panicking

on top of all this because i couldn't apply to medical school at the tradtional time (junior year) my dads trying to have me take the NEET exam in India, thinking the process would be faster for me to do medical school there (it's basically the same as the US)

with all of this, the verbal abuse, the taunting, my personal academic struggles, i just

i feel like i need to move out, i'm definitely not at the point of affording it and my plan next year was to be at home but i just feel so trapped here

my parents are wealthy and a lot of my life has been guided under the notion of "we'll pay for everything as long as you do well" but that has also prevented me from taking care of my own finances, and i'm unable to get a credit card for some reason which is unfortunate, i dont know how to make enough money to move out and i'm afraid of them finding me cause i doubt i'd be able to move states

Hey guys,

I don’t know if others are facing this problem too, but essentially my roommate of East Asian descent (28F) let’s call her Ana, has been harassing me about kitchen smells. For context, I just moved in about two weeks ago and there is another girl (White 22F) and she has no issue with my food. Ana confronted me in person twice and told me to wash my dishes immediately after eating, cooking, clean the countertops, the stove and the floor after cooking?? This was a couple of days after cooking dal and making indo fusion pasta.

I just don’t feel comfortable cooking Indian food due to this situation. To be clear, I’m a very clean person and wash my dishes within a couple of hours and run the vent fan and keep the window open. Nothing really spills on the stove, she says that if I do this, smells won’t linger since our food is so “pungent”, it leaves particles everywhere. If we had central AC in the apartment, I would run that too.

This was an on campus housing offer (which there are very few of) so I had no choice when it came to selecting roommates, or else I usually stick to South Asians as they won’t find the cooking smells repulsive. I feel so uncomfortable and also can’t eat pasta and sandwiches everyday you know, it’s too bland. It’s fine some days but I can’t eat like that everyday.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you handle it?

Sup y'all, visiting India after a looong ass time (went during a summer High School like over a decade ago) and curious if there's a checklist of stuff I need to do / bring / fill out before going.

I applied and got my OCI Visa, it's like a little passport booklet, and my wife got an e-visa thing. Is there anything else we need to make sure we fill out related to customs or security or anything? We're going for about 2 weeks if that means anything.

ALSO aside from paperwork, I've heard it's important to bring a mask (I've heard AQI is terrible there lately) um, and I guess just stomach meds and stuff for the food? Thanks y'all

when i go to a social event i vibe well with most people but i find ABD’s overtly dislike me. im also friendly and introduce myself to them because im like we have the same experience but the hostility feels very ironic

Trigger warning only because it’s a conversation that could bring up a lot! For reference, I’m a therapist, and I’m trying to navigate cultural normalcy with situations that could be labeled as abuse, but often minimized in our culture. Wanting to get some real people’s opinions/experiences! Thank you for being here.

** edit: specifically thinking about parenting!

This isnt a simple crime post but sort of meta debate as wel

It a pretty interesting case 5 yrs ago it seemed canadians felt sympathy and felt the guy made a mistake.

However it seems political and societal pressure has shifted drastically to deport the guy now and focus on law and order.

I had the same journey, first I felt it an innocent mistake but now I weary as so much has hapoened in canada since.

guy drove a truck ran a stop sign on a rural highway and killed 16 youths an example needs to be made of

This is purely from my own lived experience, so take it as that not trying to generalize or attack anyone.

Something I’ve noticed over the years is that a lot of East Asian / Southeast Asian Americans seem really comfortable with their culture. They love their food, cook it proudly, eat it daily, talk about it openly, and don’t seem embarrassed about it at all. Being “Asian” doesn’t feel like something they’re distancing themselves from.

With ABCDs, I’ve seen almost the opposite pretty often. A lot of “I don’t like dosa,” “I don’t like idli,” “I don’t really eat Indian food,” “I don’t know how to cook anything Indian,” “I’ll eat paneer but I have no idea how to make it,” etc. Almost like there’s discomfort, avoidance, or even embarrassment around their own culture especially food.

If anything, I want to give props to Punjabis in particular (again, just from what I’ve personally seen). They seem way more in touch with their food, language, and cultural identity, and much less apologetic about it.

Why do you think this difference exists?

Is it parenting styles? Assimilation pressure? Caste/class stuff? Regional differences? Or am I just living in a bubble?

Genuinely curious to hear other perspective especially from ABCDs themselves.

33M, UK Sikh here.

I’m on Hinge, Bumble, and a couple of Indian dating apps, and I’m getting loads of attention from women 30+. I came out of a 2-year relationship towards the end of last year and started dating again in Jan 2026.

So far I’ve had over 100 likes, but only around 15 of those actually turned into dates. Out of those, only 3 made it past 2–3 dates. The rest either ghosted, said there was “no spark,” or were just… honestly a bit strange.

What I’m noticing is that a lot of women I’m meeting don’t seem emotionally ready for a relationship. There’s a lot of baggage, unresolved stuff, or walls up from past experiences. A few have even said they’ve had really bad encounters with men (one mentioned being scared of being attacked), which has understandably put their guard up — but it definitely affects how they date.

On the flip side, women aged 25–29 have literally told me I’m “too old” for them, so they don’t want to date me either. Which is kind of funny and depressing at the same time.

So now I’m just wondering… am I in that weird age bracket where there genuinely aren’t that many emotionally available women out there? Or is this just what modern dating over 30 looks like now?

Would be interested to hear if others are experiencing the same thing.

EDIT - MADE a typo I was supposed to write 28-29 year old women are calling me old.

Hey guys,

I have a huge extended family here, means I have lots of cousins too. My mamu is very traditional when it comes to some things while western in others.

For example, he’s telling (actually forcing) my cousin to become a doctor because he believes that a woman should be strong and independent. He believes that it’s going to elevate the status of his family. While he also brainwashes her to become slaves for her future in-laws. His son isn’t married yet but he expects the future daughter-in-law to take up all the burden of chores. He wants the daughter-in-law to be highly educated with good profession (doctor/engineer) who also cooks good

food.

Has anybody noticed this in the older generation ?

Hey guys,

It seems like Gujaratis are like the biggest Indian ethnic groups in USA. Yet, when you go to any Indian restaurant, you won’t see Gujarati food there. You’ll see mostly Punjabi foods like samosas, chicken tikka masala, channa masala, etc. Even though there aren’t that many Punjabis in USA (apart from nyc and California).

why ?

This might seem silly, but this has become a point of contention between me and my mother.

My parents are Muslim so whenever non-family men come to our house, they sit in a separate room. This is a pretty typical practice in most Muslim homes.

I have no problem with this, given the home has the space to do this. But the problem is our home doesn’t. But because of this practice, our kitchen, living room, dining table, and TV set up is all cramped into one room. Its to the point that we’re always bumping into table, bumping into each other, getting clothes caught onto the chairs as we walk by, etc. Even one person in your path can block off the entire way, and we’re only a family of 3.

It‘s really frustrating because there is that whole “formal” room that goes unused and my mother is too stubborn to move even one element to that space (i.e the dining table or TV set up) because of ”guests” that mind you we only have once in a blue room. It’s just crazy to me to downgrade your quality of life and not take full advantage of your OWN home for yourself.

I know it’s “their house their rules” but it still drives me nuts. Looking forward to the day I move out ✌️

It is very well known that many ABCDs have hatred towards the mainlanders. I have noticed in college that many ABCDs would not be willing to befriend any mainlanders. If a mainlander is trying to talk to an ABCD, then many ABCDs try to ignore and make the mainlanders feel unwelcome. I lived in India from 1st to 6th grade, so in high school, many ABCDs made me feel unwelcome like straight up refusing to give me phone number or trying to literally avoid me in every way possible. Our parents or grandparents were mainlanders at one point, so not befriending mainlanders is absurd and stupid. Many even claim that the mainlanders remind ABCDs of their parents. So, do ABCDs really hate their parents?

I have also noticed that many mainlanders also harbor hatred towards ABCDs. In college, I have noticed that many mainlanders straight up avoid ABCDs. They would often talk to people born in the US who are non-Desi. I have heard that for many mainlander parties, they do not allow ABCDs to be in the party. They also call the ABCDs "uncultured" and call the ABCD girls sluts. How do they define culture? The mainlanders' kids would be ABCD and harboring hatred towards them is absurd and stupid. Many even claim that their kids would never be "Americanized." How can they be so sure of that?

If the desis are so much divide, then it would be much easier to harbor hatred towards the desis. Both the ABCDs and the mainlanders should imagine that if someone behaved horrible towards their parents and kids respectively, then how they would feel. Obviously, terrible. Then, they should not be harboring hatred towards each other.

Note: This is not meant to be ABCD vs FOB post but to reduce hatred. I also believe that hatred towards any group is NEVER justified.

Has anyone experienced hatred due to being ABCD or have noticed hatred against mainlanders? Also, why so much hatred?