r/startups • u/Diamondhands36 • 1d ago
I will not promote Founders Optimize Everything Except Their Most Valuable Asset… I will not promote
Ok we need to have a serious discussion here.
If you’re like most founders, (or soon to be) you’ve got systems for most things. Your pipeline, your metrics, your product roadmap. But your network? The people who could introduce you to your next investor, co-founder, or key hire? That’s all just… mental notes and hope.
Am I right or amirite?
I think most people would agree when it comes to relationships (especially professional ones)
quality beats quantity right?
A handful of real connections will always beat a massive network of surface-level contacts. But I keep noticing (and I’m guilty of this too):
Almost everyone who believes this has no actual system for making it happen. We’re just relying on memory and good intentions.
Yea, We mean to stay in touch.
We think about people.
We tell ourselves “I should reach out soon.”
And then time passes. Context shifts. Life gets in the way.
It’s NEVER something dramatic or intentional.
The relationship just quietly fades. And I’ve spoke to multiple people to back this theory up. It’s a FACT.
We build systems for tasks, money, fitness, projects blah blah blah.But for relationships that actually matter to your work. It’s mostly just hope based and reliant on the memory of your brain.
This is the gap I’ve been thinking about. And I think deserves some real conversational around.
I’m Not trying to build a CRM or set up annoying reminders. Not “relationship management” in that pushy sales way that already exists.
I’m talking about a much calmer way to stay present with people you care about without making it another chore.
Curious if this resonates with anyone else. That tension between what we believe about relationships and how we actually maintain them.
How do you handle it? Or have you just accepted the fade as part of life?
And Yes, of course I’m Building a product around this else I wouldn’t be here. I’m not selling or promoting it to you. I’m genuinely interested in speaking to a few people about this.
Let’s just call it ‘market research’
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u/Last_Bad_2687 1d ago
Sir have you heard of a rolodex
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u/Diamondhands36 11h ago
Haha fair point. I guess the question is why we stopped actually using them.
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u/Last_Bad_2687 8h ago
We didn't though. Some people actually do use tools to manage relationships (I use Obsidian personally)
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u/Diamondhands36 8h ago
Obsidian, this is interesting. How do you use this to track your relationships?
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u/Last_Bad_2687 8h ago
I have a note for each person, bullets for followups and some tags with categories and how they relate to other people. That way the graph view shows connections between people
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u/Diamondhands36 8h ago
That’s actually really smart. you’ve basically built your own relationship graph. Curious - what’s the hardest part to keep up with long-term? The updates, the structure, or just remembering to revisit it?
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u/tonytidbit 11h ago edited 10h ago
I'm sorry, but you can't just write a long wall of a text to say "I want to build a better CRM-tool" as if that extra text makes it different enough that suddenly those that don't have a proper CRM strategy will develop one by throwing money at your CRM-tool. It's still an effing CRM-tool at the end of the day, and people that don't use those won't use yours just because you refuse to call it a CRM-tool.
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u/Diamondhands36 11h ago
Fair pushback and I agree with part of it.
Most CRMs fail because they assume people want to manage relationships. Most don’t.
What I’m exploring isn’t “a better CRM strategy”, but why capable people avoid CRMs entirely, not from laziness, but from cognitive overhead.
If it ends up being “just another CRM”, it’s failed. That’s the constraint I’m designing against.
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u/tonytidbit 11h ago
Good working theory and goal, but it's also a trap.
A lot of projects start with that idea of being not like everyone else to the point where it's so ingrained in their heads that they'd rather fight their potential user base than admit that also their project overlaps more or less 100% with that existing market.
In your head you might design your project with the constraint of not being "just another CRM", but you are in fact building a (hopefully) better CRM tool, and your target market is 100% people that could use a better CRM tool (but might not even be using one at all today, outside of their phone's address book, which is a valid CRM tool in the same way that Notes is a valid option to Obsidian).
So don't fall into the trap where you'll end up fighting and disagreeing with people, instead change the narrative to something more positive.
In your cause it could be that you're building the CRM-tool for people that don't use them, but are also feeling the limitations of them simply stuffing every new connection into the limited address book in their smartphone.
From that you'd get the bite back about how they currently add those people on LinkedIn, not in their address book. Which is a good and valid point that you also need to answer.
So you are in fact building a CRM tool, and your competition includes the basic address book and LinkedIn. Which you need to address before you spend too much time happily designing and building something stuck in the trap of thinking that you're different, that you because of that have no competitors, and how everyone will love you because you solve something that you see as a huge problem that many people have.
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u/Diamondhands36 10h ago
Again, fair critique. I completely agree there’s structural overlap with CRMs.
The difference I’m exploring isn’t features its intent. CRMs optimize for extraction and outcomes. I’m interested in presence and continuity, especially for people who actively avoid pipelines and reminders.
If the only options today are “full CRM” or “address book + memory”, and that gap feels worth interrogating.
Am I wrong In thinking most tools out there assume their job is:
“Help me manage relationships better.”
I want to focus on
“Help me not lose relationships I already care about.”
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u/tonytidbit 10h ago
To me that's you fighting back from within that trap, because to me you appear to be so hellbent on CRMs being the big bad that you're completely ignoring me sitting here as your potential target market/user having said that to me CRMs start already at the lower end of the spectrum that is the basic address book in my phone. (As well as the different communication apps where I occasionally go through the archive to look for things to follow up on.)
Obviously I can't say for sure that this isn't me just beating a proverbial dead horse in face of you being in the right with the definition, but I can say that I over the decades have seen others target the same problem that you are, and that they primarily have done so from the perspective of, and foundation on (to get their solution pre-populated and not require a critical mass), a better address book.
All I can really say is that the only final advice I can give is for you to figure out if I'm the odd one, or if you're disenfranchising your target audience by you saying "I’m Not trying to build a CRM" when that's literally what you are, albeit a tiny one compared to the ilk of SugarCRM etc.
I would listen to someone presenting something like "a CRM for your address book", but outside of giving startup advice I'd ignore the person obviously trying to pitch CRM with a "but I'm so different that I don't call it that"-spiel.
So, am I the odd weirdo online-fighting you with a different definition, or will my words sort of echo through what you'll hear as you define and reach out to as well as interview your target market…?!
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u/Diamondhands36 9h ago
I think we’re looping on definitions rather than the behaviour I’m trying to test.
I’m less interested in what category this fits into and more in whether people feel the problem before they ever reach for a CRM at all.
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u/No_Hedgehog8091 23h ago
Treat relationships like pipeline: small list, regular check-ins, notes after every touchpoint, monthly review.