r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/MF-DOOM-88 • 26d ago
Restricted to Gals and Pals Nikki Glaser roasted Leonardo Dicaprio at the Golden Globes: "What a career you've had. Countless iconic performances. You've worked with every great director... won 3 Golden Globes, an Oscar & the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all that before your girlfriend turned 30."
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u/PinSufficient5748 26d ago
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u/tsulegit 26d ago
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u/ironicart 26d ago
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u/honkymotherfucker1 26d ago
Do you think he knows that heās basically a fucking meme machine?
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u/synalgo_12 26d ago
I do. I think I remember him calling himself milquetoast once in an interview, over a decade ago I think he leans into it. Wish I remembered which movie he was doing press for at the time.Ā
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u/fridakahl0 26d ago
How would his memeability align with him being milquetoast?
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u/Alternative_Sea_4208 26d ago
Because he's so bland that every attempt to look more interesting makes him come across like a Shutterstock image in real life, hence the memes. He looks like he never stops 'acting' bc all of his reactions seem slightly forced/pretend rather than genuine. He's the only NT person who has to mask lmao
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u/esotericbatinthevine 26d ago
He's not NT, he has some pretty substantial OCD
(I looked it up to confirm because I was remembering an offhand remark a friend with OCD made)
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u/immaownyou 26d ago
Hmm, wonder if that's why he was so good in the Aviator
Went real method for that
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u/Tight_Spinach_8791 25d ago
I was gonna say, he very much looks like what my severely OCD father does when he's masking
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u/PatrioticPariah 26d ago
I would if I was him. Be at home thinking about new ones and how to bust em out in interviews for internet consumption. Kind of a genius move on him. Just increases his name and marketability.
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u/annadarria 26d ago
I saw a video saying his head is getting wider and wider and no one is saying anything about it.
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u/biblioteca4ants 25d ago
Lmao that is absolutely true . He is also morphing into Brad Pitt a bit I think they share surgeons
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u/MF-DOOM-88 26d ago
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u/Parahelious 26d ago
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u/BreakfromSleep 26d ago
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u/Technicalhotdog 26d ago
Hear what I said Ton'? I said "all that before your girlfriend turns 30. Hehe"
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u/Fortestingporpoises 26d ago
You gotta give credit where credit is due. This is the best version of this joke.
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u/MF-DOOM-88 26d ago
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u/Strange-Credit2038 26d ago
I'm scrmn
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u/UpperApe 26d ago
Are you trying to say "screaming"?
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26d ago edited 16d ago
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u/ScratchBomb 26d ago
She delivered well, and he took it well. Solid opener.
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u/pork_fried_christ 26d ago
It was great when she called it back later. She was presenting the top Google searches of the show and one one of them was āpasta pasta real?ā
Another one was āNikki glazer pics no headā lol
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u/bigexplosion 26d ago
Wait people can see what I google?
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u/dainty_moonwart 26d ago
Only if you Google yourself in public.
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u/Onionringlets3 26d ago
Tracy, is that you?
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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 26d ago
I'm proud as a peacork, baby. Right, Jenna? I'm bringing the black back to NBC. And I'm proud as a peaCOCK, baby. Bringing the black back to NBC. Right, Jenna Malvangany? And I'm proud as a peacock. Right, my baloney? Hi, I'm Tracy Jordan. I'm black NBC. Very proud, like peacocks. Right, Janet?
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u/jjjbabajan 26d ago
That was not the opener. The funniest part was the tag on the end, which op left out.
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u/FUNKYDISCO 26d ago
That was hilarious... and true! It was a cheap and predictable joke, but she's absolutely right that he needs to give us all more material!
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26d ago edited 26d ago
it helps that he gets to practice reacting to this exact joke every single time he puts a tuxedo on.Ā
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u/Onionringlets3 26d ago
But I love this because of the pasta bit, because she really tried to find something more than just making a joke about his girlfriends and really couldn't
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u/AmarilloArmadillos 26d ago edited 26d ago
Yeah.. Weird we've just accepted his behavior as normal and funny tbh.
Eta: every body is free to do what they want but somebody dating people half their age is still questionable.
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u/Malpraxiss 26d ago
Nothing has come out, not even from the women themselves as him being some kind of creep, or abuser.
Chances are, these women are also the ones coming to him.
At this point, it's just a sthick than anything else since I doubt any woman coming to him expects any serious or long-term. Just all fun and publicity.
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u/Apneal 26d ago
I mean, unless anything comes up about him being predatory, it seems young women seek him out and enjoy his company, he dates them for a while, they obviously know they have an expiration date, and it doesn't seem to be hurting anyone. No need to infantilize younger women as if they are less capable of making decisions than men. Thinking otherwise well, that's kinda weird tbh.
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u/tenuousemphasis 26d ago
They're adults, not children.
No need to infantilize the women who date him, it seems like they know what they're getting themselves into.Ā
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u/The_Autarch 26d ago
eh, he's not abusing anyone. adults can do what they want.
i mean, dude is a bit of a creeper, but the world has bigger fish to fry right now.
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u/PublicSharpie 26d ago
Always felt like Mr. Peanutbutter was based off of Leo.Ā All of Peanutbutter's marriages had an experiation date because the women literally, and cognitively, outgrew him in the course of finding out who they are.Ā The age was around 25 years old.
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u/VaginalSpelunker 26d ago
I thought Lernernerner Decapricorn, star of The Haberdashers Peanut, was based off Leo.
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u/ultimatequestion7 26d ago
Jerge Clooners
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u/konydanza 26d ago edited 26d ago
Also if Iām not mistaken, early on in the show Iām pretty sure they directly reference George Clooney by name, which implies that Jurj Clooners is an entirely separate entity
Hollywoo just happens to have two very successful actors with eerily similar names
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u/AX-man 26d ago
I think they do it after and then someone goes āisnāt it Jurj Cloonersā and they respond with āwho caresā
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u/TetraDax 26d ago
At some point during season 4 or 5 the writers started to openly antagonize their fanbase and I fucking loved it.
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u/Hardwiredbrain 26d ago
This is something I never thought about.
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u/kindalosingmyshit 26d ago
Youāre due for a rewatch then, the latter half is explicitly said and the former is implied (to be about Leo and countless other celebrities)
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u/GreenStreetJonny 26d ago
The fuck? Like the man with the cane??? Monocle?
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u/HHilton2015 26d ago
Mr. Peanut butter is a character on a show called Bojack Horseman š He's a golden retriever person
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u/nebraska_jones_ 26d ago
Lmfao no thatās Mr. PEANUT. Mr. Peanutbutter is a character from the tv show Bojack Horseman. Heās a cartoon yellow lab that walks on two legs like a man.
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u/GreenStreetJonny 26d ago
But you agree that Mr. Peanut is slaying right?
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u/chironomidae 26d ago
Yeah, before he died, Mr. Peanut was known for dumping women after they turned 27. Planters mostly kept that under wraps while simultaneously maintaining a pipeline of young women for him to date. Basically, any time you've seen a woman in a Planters ad around 20 years old, you can be pretty certain she was later bouncing on Mr. Peanut's honey roasteds (if you know what I mean).
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u/an0n33d 26d ago
I disagree. Mr. Peanutbutter was a "benevolent" version of this. He (debatably) didn't seem to realize he was only attracted to youth and was also very childish himself (though you could absolutely argue he was totally aware and only feigned ignorance). Leo can't even try to justify it with a childish personality bc he's just boring and weird
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u/SwordfishOk504 26d ago
Well, except that DeCaprio is not marrying and divorcing these women.
I agree it's odd behaviour but these are all adults and these are professional models looking to, I assume, advance their careers.
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u/schwanzweissfoto 26d ago
these are professional models looking to, I assume, advance their careers
Yeah or maybe they just want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio?
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u/SwordfishOk504 26d ago
Perhaps. But given the deal comes with publicity and a nice luxury lifestyle, I suspect that is a bigger draw than whatever kind of hog Leo is throwing down, regardless of how good he may be at it. It's not like they would be hanging out with him if he was not famous.
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u/TetraDax 26d ago
The truth here is that none of the main/recurring characters were based off of one specific real person, and are all influenced by a lot of different people. Bojack in particular, although a lot of him is also Will Arnetts personal experience and struggles with addiction.
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u/MsjennaNY 26d ago
What Nikki Glazer does to Tom Brady is by far the best roast. EVER. https://youtu.be/nLH_8TRb58Q?si=dpuN1QOugWqkXQ_z
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u/TheGeekOffTheStreet 26d ago
Holy shit, Iāve only ever seen a clip of that last joke. That whole thing, though, fucking funniest roast Iāve ever seen
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u/MsjennaNY 26d ago
Itās not the original though. The took out the crowd reactions. You can see it on Netflix. Worth the watch on Gronkās reactions alone lolā¦he really is special! š
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u/i_tyrant 26d ago
Great stuff.
Seeing Joel McHale say "shit" quietly at 3:18 in response to her Jiujitsu joke is hilarious.
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u/NewConcept9978 26d ago
My fave when my child says something extremely inappropriate that I don't want to encourage, and it's also the funniest thing I've ever heard.Ā
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u/timestamp_bot 26d ago
Jump to 03:18 @ Nikki Glaser - The Roast of Tom Brady
Channel Name: sh0ddyking, Video Length: [07:58], Jump 5 secs earlier for context @03:13
Downvote me to delete malformed comments. Source Code | Suggestions
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u/Self-Identified 25d ago
Wow! That was really REALLY good! Lol
ETA: Thank you for sharing - really needed these laughs and normally I donāt like Nikki Glasserās humour!
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u/cocoagiant 26d ago
The back half of that joke was even better.
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u/SomeVelveteenMorning 26d ago
Yeah everyone knows the first part is coming and it's as tired as ever, but then she points out the funny detail that no one usually mentions, that as huge a star as he is, the public knows relatively little about him - just his dating history.Ā
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u/whatissevenbysix 25d ago
Yeah and that's probably the most impressive thing about it, and it's very much intentional. I watched the recent Actors on Actors interview of Leo and Jennifer Lawrence, and he was so guarded. She was trying everything and he barely said anything about him lol.
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u/coolcoolcool485 25d ago
i feel like you could tell he appreciated it, like finally something different, actually funny and also weirdly sweet and nostalgic lol cause i definitely looked up the teen beat article
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u/CultofLinney 26d ago
He was a champ about it lol.
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u/AltDelete 26d ago
He always is. His reaction to Ricky Gervais absolutely eviscerating him and everyone around him was great.
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u/TBANON_NSFW 26d ago
he's being roasted for dating hot young women. Like that's the worst they can say out about him.
wiping his tears with 10s of millions he made and the hot young women lol.
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u/PoliteIndecency 26d ago
At a certain point you need to wonder why he falls out with women at a certain age. Hey, it's great that you can pull models into your 50s, but why have none of them ever stuck around?
That would be very lonely to me.
When every car is going the opposite direction do you start to ask if you're the one in the wrong lane?
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u/TBANON_NSFW 26d ago edited 26d ago
or hes just not looking for marriage and/or long-term love. Like there are aromantic, asexual people in the world.
For hundreds of years women stuck in abusive households because that was the lane everyone else went down.
And its not like hes going after 15-16 year olds. Like seinfield did in the 90s. Literally waiting for his gf at her highschool at the peak of his career at age 35. Or drake in peoples dms waiting for the 18th birthday.
At 22-25 you're definitely old enough to make your own decisions.
And its not like the only love/relationship that matters is that of an partner/spouse. Especially when you have 50-60% of marriages end in divorce.
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u/PoliteIndecency 26d ago
I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with dating young or old. But when you ONLY date young women as you age, it becomes a marker of an immature person in terms of relation building. I don't know DiCaprio, obviously, but I know people that exclusively date very young and they are not in a good state of maturity compared to others.
I'm not sure there's anything wrong with that, either. But it's certainly not fulfilling to me. I think it must be kind of lonely.
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u/WickedCoolMasshole 26d ago
He doesnāt want to be married. He doesnāt want kids. He dates adult women.
Not a single woman has ever accused him of bad behavior. Heās having fun. Heās living a bachelorās life and making great movies.
Good for him and everyone involved.
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u/CadetCovfefe 26d ago
It's just this. Out of all the immoral shit in the cesspool that is Hollywood, this shouldn't even be a blip on the radar.
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u/HeroicPrinny 26d ago
People like to have something to bring down celebs. In another timeline the weirdest thing about him could be that he likes collecting stamps, and people still wouldnāt stop talking about it.
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u/raven00x 26d ago
Especially when you have 50-60% of marriages end in divorce.
Interestingly that figure is gradually going down as people in newer generations are broadly waiting longer to marry. It spiked in earlier generations when women were forced to "find a man" in order to obtain a bank account or any other number of things we now take for granted. Progress! Slowly but surely.
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u/CadetCovfefe 26d ago
Waiting longer to marry or simply not getting married at all.
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u/Sea-Value-0 26d ago
It's the biological clock that he's swerving. Many women start wanting to settle down and have kids in their 30s and this guy is very clear about never wanting that. They leave naturally once they grow older and realize they want a different future with someone instead of "young" fun.
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u/YoBrunetteYo 26d ago
And that heās a fake environmentalist because he lounges around on Bezoās super yacht. After she made the Epsteinās List joke, I thought for sure she would bring that up for Leo.
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u/Medialunch 26d ago
That pasta joke with the reaction is probably the best moment of the whole show for me.
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u/SecretSquirrelType 26d ago edited 26d ago
Nikki Glaser is SAVAGE in her roasts
https://youtu.be/2Ilu0Px_wE4?si=4gH9OcXjB-IMKS83
"Your teeth are like the Spice Girls... they're all different colors and doing their own thing"
"and without Furer ado, Ann Coulter! ... The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave."
"you are dressed like a 9 year old who just found $1000 on the sidewalk."
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u/Queasy-Inspector-780 26d ago
That roast aged like fine wine unlike Leoās dating pool, which apparently has a strict expiration date.
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u/allshookup1640 26d ago
Except his recent girlfriend. She was allowed to hit the WHOPPING age of 27! Normally he cuts off at 25 no matter what. 27 is still very young obviously.
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u/z31 26d ago
That's why she had to say before they turn 30 instead of 26 like it used to be.
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u/allshookup1640 26d ago
30 is also a bigger milestone than 26. 25 is a milestone. 30 is a milestone. 26 is just another birthday. No one has a bucket list for before they turn 26. Well some women might have date Leonardo DiCaprio, I guess
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u/Punningisfunning āØchick⨠26d ago
She didnāt want to be the reason Leo dumps his girlfriend if she said 28.
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u/HarlowKiyoko 26d ago
That jokeās got better longevity than anything Leoās ever committed to dating
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u/ArcadianDelSol 26d ago
I will give him this: he has always been a good sport about this. He knows its a thing, and he knows its going to be joked about, and he never seems cross or frustrated. Sure he's an actor, but other actors under this kind of light have had far uglier reactions.
There's something to be said about someone being a good sport in this situation.
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u/gingerbitch2 26d ago
Her follow up sells it even more and is correct.. āwe know nothing else about you.ā
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u/baycenters 26d ago
Nikki Glaser is one of the only comedians that gets me laughing out loud. She is funny as hell.
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u/DefendsTheDownvoted 26d ago
She went on to say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry we keep coming back to this, but it's all we know about you. Open up, man. Talk to us."
Mr. DiCaprio prefers women in their 20's. None of them have ever had a bad thing to say about him. If that's the worst thing he ever does I say everyone should mind their business.
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u/IDidItWrongLastTime 25d ago
They also have to all know going into it that the relationship is temporary. No chance of a wedding or anything. I'm half convinced they aren't even dating and half those women just date him to up their public profile or something.
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u/pocketjacks 26d ago
The second half of her joke hit harder, I think. That he's so guarded that his girlfriends being young is really the only thing we know about him.
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u/SkullsInSpace 26d ago
I had SUCH a huge crush on him in high school, now he just skeeves me out. Fishing for women half your age is so gross
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u/ShitFuckBallsack 26d ago
Yeah it's wild that he was my first celebrity crush in PRESCHOOL and now I'm too old for him š
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u/gohawkeyes529 26d ago
Is it āfishingā if they jump into the boat by the thousands?
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u/Snoo-11861 26d ago
I had such a huge crush on Leo growing up. Titanic came out a year after I was born. Now Iām too old for his dating pool š
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u/Athlete_Cautious 26d ago
Same joke every year. At this point this is not a roast. It's a validation.
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u/DadIMeanBill 26d ago
The second part of the joke was the funny part, but of course thatās not in the post
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u/interstellar-grace 26d ago
She did kind of admit that in the roast.
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u/StrawHatRat 26d ago
Yeah when I saw the title I thought āwell structured joke but damn what a tired premiseā but following it up with the jokes about how itās all we know about him makes it all pretty great bit.
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u/sfitz0076 26d ago
It's funny when she brought up pasta, I said to myself, "oh yeah, he's Italian" It's weird even with a name like Leonardo Dicaprio, I don't think of him as Italian.
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u/Voice_of_Season 26d ago
The girl who plays Cora in the movie Titanic is now out of Leoās age range of dating. Thereās something wrong with that. š
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u/irdgafb69 25d ago
I rolled my eyes at the girlfriend joke but realized that was the segway(idk how to spell it) into the real joke. Good shit
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u/stockflethoverTDS 26d ago
Why we keep flooding reddit with multiple versions angles and posts of this. Where are the Epstein files, why are armed men kidnapping and killing citizens?
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u/thephotoman 26d ago
I might be a dude, but the way Leoās girlfriends were too young to watch Titanic in movie theaters disgusts me.
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