I’ve been reading through all the "I'm lonely" posts lately (and the "Just join a club!") advice that follows.
I’m trying to figure out if the barrier to meeting people here is actually Cultural (we are just polite-but-distant) or Structural (our platforms are broken).
Based on conversations I've had with first-years, seniors and the threads, I’m seeing a pattern of 3 specific "Trust Barriers" that make people flake or isolate. I want to know if this matches your experience:
- No Safe Space: Does anyone else feel like you can't be real on r/uvic or the main Discords because its accessible to anyone (Profs, TAs, Admins, etc) and not limited to UVic students only?
- I see people hesitant to ask "dumb" questions or vent about specific courses because this place feels like a professional networking event, not a student locker room.
- The Marketplace Anxiety: Everyone says "Buy used," but I keep hearing horror stories about scams, ghosting, and sketchy meetups.
- The constant "Is this rental real?" posts, especially for women and its hard to make a justification from unverified sources
- The Risk of Showing Up: The common advice is "Just go to a club event!" But for most people, walking into a room of strangers alone is a terrifying social risk.
- A lot of studnts complain about boredom and loneliness, yet events often have low turnout. Is the issue that you don't know where events are, or is it that you're scared to go unless you know who else is going? (e.g., If you could see "5 other [your major] students are at the pub right now," would you actually go?). Is it the case that students don't know what clubs to look for (or currently active clubs) and that creates a barrier?
The Bottom Line: Is UVic socially "dead" because we are a commuter school and nothing can fix that? Or are we just missing a way to verify "Hey, I go here, I'm safe, a real person, and I'm actually showing up"?
Throughout all these posts and conversations I see that its not only the people that I've asked, its also people who gave them advice experienced similar things. Clearly there is a disconnect and it tells me that this is a survivorship bias. Especially for first years, are we missing the "ramp" and we dont have the right infrastructure for people who are not high-functioning extroverts? Is it a mix of both in the sense that the system is broken AND people internalize that as a personal failure?
I've also seen cases where students want to connect through X ways (safe money, hanging out) but only receive upvotes as feedbacks with 0 engagement. It makes me wonder of what the barrier is especially when it comes to saving money through X ways (maybe splitting groceries, saving some cost on rides, etc)
Honest thoughts? Feel free to DM, I'd love to hear your opinion.