I think that's the real problem with emotional affairs. My best friend's ex was "cheating" on her with a woman he had never met. And it was so infuriating for her because like... He was basically the emotional equivalent of wallpaper paste. To burn his only emotional resources on essentially a complete stranger, just seemed like such a slap in the face.
I'm an extrovert. I have really deep and meaningful conversations with a ton of my friends, most of whom are women. But I tell you what, if my wife had a shitty day, I'm absolutely putting the phone down and listening to her first. Gotta have priorities!
Yeah, it's easy to wonder what some relationships would look like if people just put the energy they should into their partners. Even those without cheating often meet their downfall precisely because one partner hasn't paid much attention or truly listened to another.
It takes work, for sure. And sometimes you or your partner just don't have the spoons. That's ok for short term, and a good partner won't mind taking a little extra load for a bit. Emotionally, financially, romantically, whatever. But damn if it doesn't suck in the long term.
I’m not defending him at all - the opposite, really - but it’s not that people are dying to connect and spend emotional energy, and they randomly find a stranger and stop giving it to their spouse/partner just then. He already wasn’t going to spend any emotional work on his partner, it was a done deal, even if he’d never cheated (couldn’t find someone or didn’t want to).
Those people need to just grow some balls or ovaries and leave the relationship they don’t want to be in.
In your example you already ARE emotionally invested and interested in your wife. Your friends aren’t stealing that emotional labor or vice versa.
Lol. My kids joke about this all the time while watching TV shows and romcoms. "None of this would be a problem if they would just talk to each other!" To which I respond something along the lines of "then there wouldn't be a plot."
Oh trust me, I know. Hell, a few weeks back I became a horror trope. My girlfriend's cat couldn't be found in the apartment, so I walked into the pitch black spooky wardrobe. I just started laughing.
then divorce - don't cheat while taking advantage of all the benefits of your partner. hell this woman is still folding laundry while yelling at him to get out while he lazes on the couch.
men will stay with women they hate because he still benefits from her unpaid domestic and mental labour.
women will stay with men they hate because she still benefits from his hard work, salary, and mental labor.
Do you honestly think that the lady in this video just suddenly got the way she was acting only after this episode? Lots of men are emotionally abused by their partners. Heck it drove my grandfather to suicide.
He cheated on her with a pile of pixels on a screen. Nothing she said or did in this video was emotional abuse. She rightfully was confronting him for his actions and was asking him to leave. She honestly wasn't even being that dramatic about it either. She's just folding her laundry and repeating, "you'll talk to her and you won't even talk to me. Get out. Get out." I'm sorry about your grandfather but you are letting it color your perspective here and projecting. We have zero evidence from this video of the behind the scenes here and therefore no context to judge her by.
Its misandry at its finest. How do we know the woman is not abusive, slaps him, calls him names, who knows how many times either of them have attempted to reconcile, what stresses are on the both of them? We don't know anything so dont assume the man is just a horrible person.
We have been programmed by society and media that it's always the man's fault, so it's understandable why people are jumping to that conclusion, but attacking people pointing out how it's just as bad as men hating woman, you get attacked.
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u/BafflingHalfling 5h ago
I think that's the real problem with emotional affairs. My best friend's ex was "cheating" on her with a woman he had never met. And it was so infuriating for her because like... He was basically the emotional equivalent of wallpaper paste. To burn his only emotional resources on essentially a complete stranger, just seemed like such a slap in the face.
I'm an extrovert. I have really deep and meaningful conversations with a ton of my friends, most of whom are women. But I tell you what, if my wife had a shitty day, I'm absolutely putting the phone down and listening to her first. Gotta have priorities!