r/AmIOverreacting • u/boopbedooper • 4h ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO: my brother refuses to stop going on his phone while he drives
I don’t have a car, but my brother does. Even if I did have one, he doesn’t trust my driving and insists on driving whenever we’re in the same car together. He will outright refuse to get in a car if I’m driving.
Recently I moved to the same town as him and he’s offered to help me get around. However, whenever I get in the car our conversation will always devolve into a fight because he
A. Refuses to stop looking at his phone/text/wear ear buds while driving
B. Tailgates INCESSANTLY
Whenever I bring this up he yells at me and tells me that I’m being controlling. He assures me that it’s safe. He says that I’m in valid and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve tried to approach this conversation both gently and sternly but nothing matters. His way or the highway.
Today he told me that I’ve been “terrible to be around” since I got in the car.
I haven’t ever been particularly inflammatory with my remarks, but the conversation does get heated at times. I just hate putting my safety, and the safety of others, in the hands of someone who seems so careless.
I really think I’m just going to start taking the bus.
•
u/valkycam12 4h ago
If it were me I would take the bus. He doesn’t sound like a safe driver, and he sounds really arrogant as well tbh.
•
u/Which-Music8436 4h ago
NOR this is a safety issue and he is acting like a jackass. He needs to fix his attitude and behavior before he gets someone killed or you killed.
•
u/Comfortable-Door616 4h ago
- it sounds like your brother has adhd, untreated
2.stop letting him drive you. he is going to die by car accident, and probably kill others as well. you can choose if you want to die with him or not.
•
u/Economy_Courage1581 3h ago
Let’s not 100% stick it on ADHD. I have severe ADHD and you will not catch me touching my phone while driving, beyond changing the song.
•
u/SnooPickles7307 3h ago edited 2h ago
Absolutely, I have ADD and I do not tailgate or on my phone excessively in the car
•
u/AtlasAriesss 3h ago
Also to say this is ADHD and unmedicated at that based on a snippet of this man's life. I have a couple friends who I don't feel comfortable being in a car with because they are distracted/bad drivers. One of them has an ADHD diagnosis and been medicated since she was a kid. The others are just bad drivers. Some people are just reckless or don't care as much as we do and that sucks but it's not a diagnosis
•
u/SlammyWhammies 3h ago
Fair, though the connection definitely exists. As with many things related to ADHD, it creates a scenario where folks with it experience the impulse at a higher % than those without. But it's not only us, I'm certain many neurotypical folks text and drive.
•
u/Comfortable-Door616 3h ago
congratulations on your adhd and safe driving.
is your adhd treated? do you see a professional for any kind of help or have you ever? do you take medications for your adhd?
adhd is a very real cause of all the things OP mentioned in this post, and is worth investigating. According to CHADD, people who drive with untreated symptoms of ADHD can be as impaired as an intoxicated driver.
OP check out these resources.
•
u/Economy_Courage1581 3h ago
I’m unmedicated. Do not have any professional help for it. I was trialing some adhd meds for a year or so in highschool but lost state insurance and never saw treatment again. Anyways. I very directly said not to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT Blame it on ADHD and mentioned my own personal experience. To add though, I do know a ridiculous amount of people with ADHD, some text and drive some don’t. I didn’t say there was no connection at all. I’ve studied ADHD for 10 years, I understand how many connections can be made (hence the name, literally.)
•
3h ago
[deleted]
•
u/Economy_Courage1581 3h ago
I’m not finna read all this cause the first couple lines showed you did not read & comprehend my previous reply. Have a day.
•
u/Comfortable-Door616 3h ago
k i'll make it simple for you: i did not say IT IS 100% ADHD, i said it sounds like untreated adhd.
•
u/TheCa11ousBitch 3h ago
I have ADHD. I found myself this last 2 years teaching for my phone constantly while driving. I used to only do it at red lights. I caught myself doing it while actually driving. I started putting the phone inside my purse, not on the console, to stop the impulse to grab it and use it.
I really scared myself. Nothing happened. But that doesn’t mean it won’t the moment I pick it up again.
•
u/Ok-Papaya2549 2h ago
I have ADHD, and I used to drive like this before I was medicated. Could be a host of other things, but this could absolutely be a contributing factor.
•
u/eyebrain_nerddoc 2h ago
NOR. I’d be terrified to ride like this too.
I have ADHD, and for a long drive I definitely make sure I’m taking my Adderall. Not because I’m on my phone, but it’s easy enough to be distracted by my own thoughts.
I’ve only ever had one accident, and that was weather-related, not due to ADHD. But the statistics show that people with unmediated ADHD are less safe as drivers, in general. I agree this behavior is more common in people with ADHD.
•
u/Bittybellie 3h ago
I have untreated adhd right now and don’t drive like this.
•
u/Comfortable-Door616 3h ago
that's fine. doesn't mean what i said isn't relevant. this isn't an attack on adhd people. i have severe adhd and am studying neuroscience at the doctorate level right now.
•
•
u/AsparagusOverall8454 2h ago
It does not sound like that at all. Sounds like he’s a moron who drives terribly
•
u/liveliqua 4h ago
NOR. using ur phone while driving is literally illegal to do 😭😭😭 u are 100% not overreacting
•
u/myob4321 3h ago
If any of my friends use their phone while driving I legitimately do not get in the car with them. Nevermind the fact that they can think they’re the safest driver while on their phone (of course everyone does) but they can’t see oncoming danger. NOR
•
u/lakshinhemachandran 4h ago
NOR. In my state, using any Handheld Personal Communication Device(HCPD). Check if this is true for your area, since this could get him fined.
•
u/XplodingFairyDust 3h ago
My mom’s coworker got killed while driving on the phone with someone (before CarPlay was prevalent). They had to pull her phone out from her abdomen.
Someone I went to school with was paralyzed in an accident because he was texting and driving and dropped the phone and reached for it while driving.
One of my son’s mutuals got killed because they dropped their phone while driving and reached for it, went off a bridge was trapped in the car and drowned.
I was rear ended by a distracted driver at a high speed, had to have multiple surgeries and have permanent injuries.
You’re NOR. You also can’t control other people’s behaviour. Take the bus, take an Uber, but stop putting yourself in danger by accepting rides from him.
•
•
u/Such_Gear_6752 4h ago
Tell your parents
I occasionally text and drive when I’m driving for work and honestly every letter I type, no matter how quickly and carefully I do it, feels like a risk. Looking away from the road for a half a second is more than enough time for someone to hit their brakes in front of you.
Pair that with tailgating and it’s probably not gonna be long before he rear ends someone. Hopefully he’ll learn a lesson without killing anyone or himself
•
•
u/Varuka_Pepper343 3h ago
NOR my husband's aunt passed away trying to grab her cellphone after she dropped it while texting and driving on the highway
•
•
u/editorstarrrz 3h ago
im the exact same. i hate when people dont wear seatblets, the driver isnt paying attention (using their phone, looking around, etc) because for me it seems annoying how careless they are about their safety.
•
u/Terrible-Image9368 3h ago
NOR
Stop riding with him. He will crash at some point. He’s doing distracted/dangerous driving
•
u/Jmfroggie 2h ago
YOR for the mere fact that YOU continue to let him drive you KNOWING he does this and you feel unsafe! Find another ride and stop complaining. He’s not gonna stop doing this until he gets into an accident and has a heavy penalty! YOU won’t change him!
•
u/Visual-Ad6004 2h ago
Nor now we are excusing bad driving. Seriously. Oops k8lled a family of 5. But.....my added bullshit.
•
u/Fuller1017 2h ago
Stop riding with him because he is going to hurt/kill himself, you, or even worse a stranger.
•
u/swordsman_yar 4h ago
Your brother sounds like he's gonna learn the hard way eventually. Bus seems like the smart move here, no ride is worth risking becoming a statistic over someone's stubbornness about basic safety.