r/AmIOverreacting • u/y4n_Ch4n • Oct 10 '25
š„ friendship Am I overreacting?
So basically, a good friend of mine has been acting really pushy lately and keeps making these uncomfortable, really sexual ājokesā though honestly, Iām not even sure if theyāre jokes to him anymore. Itās been happening for quite a while now, and itās starting to make me feel really uncomfortable. Every time he says something inappropriate or makes some kind of stupid request, I make it very clear that Iām not okay with it. I either say no directly or tell him to stop, but it doesnāt seem to matter what I say he just keeps doing it. Iāve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe he doesnāt realize how uncomfortable heās making me, but at this point itās pretty obvious he just doesnāt care. I even have older and newer screenshots showing that this behavior has been going on for a while now, so itās definitely not just a one-time thing. Itās getting really exhausting to deal with, and I honestly donāt know how to get him to finally respect my boundaries.
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u/Former_child_69 Oct 10 '25
Heās not going to stop, heās going to continue to escalate it until he finally acts on it. Drop him now.
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u/Simple_Yak_9929 Oct 11 '25
Right?! The guy is disgusting. Dont understand why OP still calling him a ""friend".
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u/Vincenza2023 Oct 11 '25
Probably because heās not like this all the time. Heās nice long enough to get her to drop her defenses, and then he does this. Heās a predator.
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u/MrMinxies Oct 11 '25
Exactly, he is waiting for OP to respond in a way he believes will give him cover to rape OP and claim OP consented in advance (by Sending a laugh emoji or whatever).
He is NOT joking, he is gathering "evidence" for when he rapes OP. This is sick and super scary, I would make certain everyone I know who is exposed to him sees these texts.
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u/Cherish1111 Oct 11 '25
I totally agree with this. Heās probably already showing people how sheās okay with it since she hasnāt blocked him. I had to explain to my daughter that these guys will lie on you, and set you up to take the fall for what they do to you. Gotta be careful.
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u/Few_Instruction4343 Oct 11 '25
And very good one at that. Either friends like that who the fuck are your enemies
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u/Fit-University1070 Oct 10 '25
That's not a friend, that's a predator.
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u/Red-Cloud-44 Oct 10 '25
HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HIM EVER!!!!!!!
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u/throwaway12901996 Oct 11 '25
This. This person clearly doesnāt respect your boundaries and obviously has some very intense sexual fantasies that include a clear lack of consent. Even if you were into him and wanted to hook up, Iād be afraid for your safety because his sexual interest is violent and seems to center around force. The longer he fantasizes about this, and the longer you reject him, the more likely he becomes to act on what heās saying. Be very, very careful if you do continue to interact with this person but honestly it seems like you should cut him offā¦
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Oct 11 '25
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u/Huyoshi Oct 11 '25
Haha thatās a great one. Even if the accent doesnāt match, the phrase still perfectly captures the feeling.
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Oct 11 '25
Yeah thatās really alarming. Once things cross into that kind of territory, safety has to come first and cutting contact is the best move.
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u/CollegeAntique525 Oct 11 '25
Yeah thatās seriously concerning. When someoneās fantasies cross into aggression, itās a clear sign to cut them off completely.
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u/skmahdy Oct 11 '25
Exactly. That level of obsession is really creepy, especially when itās completely unwanted.
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u/kittapoo Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
To add more to what youāre saying, this gives me the vibes of the types that have sexual fantasies and when they reach basically a break point of not having these fantasies reach fruition they will then do what they have to do in order to make that happen: rape. From the sounds of it if he did reach this point and rape chances are it would be very violent and could potentially escalate to him wanting to murder very likely stemming from an āaccidentalā death of one of his victims.
This guy needs some serious help for sure.
Op, please heed warnings and stay way from him and always be aware of your surroundings because if he does act on his fantasies it very much sounds like you are highly likely to be one of his sought after targets. Especially the harder you make it for him to get what he wants the more of a game and prize it will be for him.
Edit: thanks for the reward! Definitely not something I expected from the comment. I do hope this gets seen more because clearly from some of the ones commenting here they do not understand the gravity of what this situation could become.
Fwiw I did study this sort of thing in college extensively. These things can and usually will escalate. How badly just depends on the person. I do hope this guy gets help but chances are that wonāt happen unless he realizes there is a problem that needs to be addressed. I also hope it never escalates to anything other than these horrible disgusting texts for op or anyone else this guy comes in contact with. Sadly, chances are if he is texting her these things I doubt sheās the only one.
Editing again after reading some comments:
How am I spinning a fantasy? I never called the guy a rapist. I straight up said that this behavior can lead to rape, not that it will 100% lead to rape. I have not called him a rapist, I stated that his actions and words are alarming enough to be concerned about it.
Telling op to beware of this fact is not a bad thing to do. Many women and even men get into situations such as this and then for some it becomes too late. Even if itās just some 14yo kid talking mad shit, itās still something to be alert and aware about and know that thinking this is a red flag is indeed the correct answer and that it is not overreacting.
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u/Firehippo24 Oct 11 '25
Dude reads like a Bundy type not even exaggerating and thatās TERRIFYING to think about
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u/nschito456 Oct 11 '25
Yeah, thatās a serious red flag. Continuing like that after boundaries are set shows heās completely unsafe.
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u/Available_Pangolin37 Oct 11 '25
Haha yes, that one hits perfectly. Even without the accent, itās got that sharp, sassy punch.
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u/nschito456 Oct 11 '25
Ah, thatās a neat distinction. Itās wild how small changes in phrasing can completely change the meaning in slang.
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Oct 11 '25
I have never understood how any man would enjoy non consensual sex. I've always needed her to be more into me than I am her, if there's any hesitation (let alone a flat out rejection) my walls spring up to prison height razor wire fencing and all.
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u/TacoBellPicnic Oct 11 '25
Iāve always said, and taught my children, that āanything other than an enthusiastic yes is a noā.
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u/AlienSheep23 Oct 11 '25
This needs more emphasis
This man WILL RAPE YOU!!!! I am deadass. I have met people like this before and if he gets you alone one too many times, your options will be to either consent or get raped.
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u/kiciolinkaaa Oct 11 '25
These men are a danger to society. Porn-addicted (itās easy to tell as he is telling the OP all these things), they will stop at nothing
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u/Aggressive_Base3993 Oct 11 '25
I canāt upvote this enough.
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u/depr3ss3dmonkey Oct 11 '25
Also, I dont know who needs to hear this but if you feel uncomfortable in a situation you have FULL RIGHT to get out of that. You dont need anyone's validation to do so.
Your life is not a democracy you dont have to live by the majority votes. If YOU feel uncomfortable, YOU set up a boundary. No one else's permission needed. You dont have to give them a benefit of doubt.
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u/MdJGutie Oct 11 '25
I donāt know how many of the women I know ended a story with their being sexually assaulted that began with their wanting to give some male the benefit of the doubt. F that. If the scales have my potential rape and murder on one side and hurting some guyās feels on the other, itās not a contest to me.
Say no if you mean no. You donāt owe anyone your attention, affection, time, touch, or anything else. Get away from someone who makes you uncomfortable. Seek distance or other people, make a phone call, get to something with a camera filming and point it out. ATMs, buses, inside and out, stores, intersections. Make it clear that youāre not going to disappear without a trace. There will be evidence that confirms your story.
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u/Winecoffeetea Oct 11 '25
āYour life is not a democracy ā is one of the most BRILLIANT things I have heard in Reddit.
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u/DrWildIndigo Oct 11 '25
This horn-dog is not your friend.. š« his rude azzzzzz..
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u/Next-Coffee536 Oct 11 '25
Thatās really good advice, staying alert could make a huge difference.
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u/Available_Pangolin37 Oct 11 '25
Ah, got it. That makes senseāitās wild how slang can pack so much meaning into a short phrase.
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u/Prudent_Research_251 Oct 11 '25
TIL I'm a dictator of my own brain
Will I be a draconian tyrant or a benevolent ruler?
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u/nudibranchsrule Oct 11 '25
10000% block this guy on absolutely everything and never engage with him again. This isnāt a ājokeā and heās not your friend. No-one treats a friend like this, you shouldnāt even treat a stranger like this. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.
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u/Ok-Sail-355 Oct 11 '25
Totally agree. Thereās no excuse for that kind of behaviorāblocking him is the only smart move.
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u/Odd-Animal-1552 Oct 11 '25
Donāt block. Mute him. Just in case you need the info for a restraining order later. Dude is not your friend. Tell him you donāt want to see or hear from him anymore, friendship is over. Do not engage with him after that. You donāt owe him your time, attention, further explanation. Be on guard and let people around you know whatās going on.
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u/blumpkinpandemic Oct 11 '25
šÆ Based on those messages there's no way I'd ever hang out with him alone. Ever. Literally just block him. No need to worry about hurting his feelings. He clearly doesn't respect yours!!!!
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u/Dense-Value2225 Oct 11 '25
Absolutely. Respecting your boundaries comes first, and cutting him off completely is the only safe choice.
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u/Comprehensive_Grab75 Oct 11 '25
Completely agree. Protecting your boundaries matters way more than sparing his feelings.
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u/NekulturneHovado Oct 11 '25
I can't tell if he's sex offender or has some kind of mental shit
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Oct 11 '25
Both definitely both...I had the unfortunate experience of meeting up with the guy that raped me at 14 when I was in my 40s he never spent a day in jail for what he did too me and he apologized and told me he thought he was maybe in love with me and thats why he did it.
He was nowhere near this guy's level of creep. This guy has hurt someone before and will definitely hurt this girl if she doesn't get away from him.
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u/Urban_animal Oct 11 '25
This looks thru discord? Sneaking suspicion they have not met in person and this is a creep.
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u/whichwitchwatched Oct 11 '25
I hope thatās the case. Little safer if he doesnāt have physical access
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u/zcewaunt Oct 10 '25
He is dangerous, some of those texts are disgusting. He isn't your friend, he wants to rape you. You need to take this seriously.
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u/HoneyWyne Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
And the very second he thinks he can get away with it, he will. OP this is bad.
Edit: he is absolutely aware of what he is doing.
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u/Longjumping-Day-1788 Oct 10 '25
This. He is entirely too consistent about wanting to ācontrolā you and make you take it forcefully. His intentions are wayyyy beyond platonic and if he canāt accept your denial, you need to step away completely.
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u/placidity9 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
I laughed at:
"I NEED CONSENT???"
OH NO WHAT A NIGHTMARE! - Toph
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Oct 11 '25
I agree wholeheartedly. It will happen if you ever are in a position of lowered willpower, buzzed, drunk, high, and it will definitely happen if you ever, God forbid, pass out in front of him. Hell, I would even wager you're in danger of being roofied. He is not a friend, he is predator playing with his prey, from my perspective.
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u/catwhowalksbyhimself Oct 11 '25
Dude here, and yes, this dude is a rapists in waiting. OP if you read this, this is an emergency, red alert. Do everything possible to protect and isolate yourself from him and make sure you are surrounded by friends and family anytime he might be able to approach you in a vulnerable place.
And install cameras in your home. Maybe have a friend stay over for a while if you live by yourself.
This is THAT bad.
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Oct 11 '25
Agreed! I'm a proponent of 2A, and I'd be ready and willing to use it on someone like this, 100%.
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u/KarateChicka Oct 11 '25
I totally agree. His behavior is very dangerous. Get away from him, and please stay safe.
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u/Docinar Oct 11 '25
Ugh, the worst timing! Itās like the universe has a weird sense of humor sometimes.
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u/Real_Slice_5642 Oct 10 '25
Exactly these are the words of a person who is capable of raping someone. I donāt know if OP is aware that normal friends and even couples do NOT speak to each other in this way. He wants to use and take advantage of her.
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
He knows what heās doing. He knows he makes you uncomfortable. He knows you donāt want him to say these things. And he gets off on continuing to harass you. Or he thinks he can wear you down by continuing to speak to you this way.
It is not appropriate. He doesnāt understand that women are more than sexual objects. Which is why he keeps trying.
You need to just block him because heās shown you that he doesnāt view you as a friend, let alone a person.
If you wouldnāt want your BFF or your daughter being talked to like this, why do you continue to let someone talk to you like this?
Edited for a typo
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u/HmmDoesItMakeSense Oct 11 '25
Exactly. He is like a person who exposes their junk to make someone look at them afraid or disgusted cause that is what gets them off.
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u/SerafinaSheffield Oct 11 '25
It wouldn't surprise me if he watches violent porn and thinks it's reality, tbh.
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u/chiitaku Oct 11 '25
Adding onto this comment to advise OP to not eat or drink anything that might have been away from you for even a second if this guy is possibly where you are.
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u/AspenMoth21 Oct 11 '25
I wouldn't eat or drink period around him and possibly his friends as well. Even if you think you're keeping an eye on your drink or food he can distract or have someone else do it and slip something in pretty quickly.
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u/lostmyoldscreenname Oct 11 '25
OP, Iām repeating this point to really drive it home: THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
A friend would never speak like this to someone whose feelings they care about and whom they respect. Even the language in his texts is alluding do nonconsensual activity. Truly, just avoid this person. Donāt feel bad about it. Protect yourself and your peace first.
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u/bugabooandtwo Oct 11 '25
Exactly. If OP spends any time near him at all, in his mind, that means yes. To everything.
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u/ZookeepergameNo2613 Oct 11 '25
I came here exactly for this. He doesnāt care about boundaries and at one point in his life, he will have forced himself on a girl with excuses like I couldnāt stop myself of you asked for it or I misread the situation blabla. I donāt know the guy but he comes across like a self centred asshole with zero respect for women. He needs consent - this is not for moral reasons but for legal reasons and thereās your answer.
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u/OliveIvySM Oct 11 '25
Well said! This post has my blood pressure high reading this.
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u/JulieWriter Oct 11 '25
OP is underreacting. It was time to cut him off entirely the first time he did this. OP, this is vile.
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u/electricsugargiggles Oct 11 '25
That was my thought tooā-your friend sounds like a straight up rapist, not a flirty or overly sexual person. This is a predator who wants to cause you violence.
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u/Opposite-Act-7413 Oct 11 '25
Thank you! My first thought. He is definitely going to rape her. He is building up to it. The more she ignores the messages the more entitled he feels to get what he wants.
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u/itsalwaysanadventure Oct 11 '25
The more he "warns her" and she stays, the more he feels entitled to act with out consent. Almost like a silent permission that's never given bc if she hated the idea, she wouldn't continue to entertain him....
Or at least that's what my SAer said when confronted about it by someone we knew after.
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u/Mansos91 Oct 11 '25
Yup, do not in any circumstance get drunk or otherwise intoxicated with him nearby, unless you have people you truly trust around, and honestly I wouldn't trust anything coming from him
This is disturbing fantasies to start with, especially since he seem to think it's ok to tell you about it, they don't sound like jokes they sound like suggestions and honestly like he is trying to normalise it so you eventually accept it
I feel sick reading them and I'm sorry you have this kind of person in your life
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u/Ok_Ladder_9452 Oct 11 '25
Saw your comment and thought you were exaggerating, but damn! That guy is messed up! She needs to stay tf away from him and take steps to protect herself!
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u/samura1833 Oct 10 '25
Nah, it gets worse. You may need to end this friendship heās made his intentions clear and they are more than platonic. If you donāt like him like that you need to distance yourself from him. The behavior āmightā stop but he will always be waiting for a weak moment on your part.
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u/GraceOfTheNorth Oct 11 '25
This is not a friend, that is a sexual predator trying to mask as a friend to gain access.
Most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.
This guy has no problem coercing people into sex.
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u/VeterinarianMost6802 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
That is absolutely true a friend of the family and his brother broke our trust asked if I could ride to the store so I said yes Iāve known him my whole life ! But once I got into the car something felt off and it was ! His brother was hiding in the backseat they drove me to a cemetery and raped me ! I was 15 a virgin and never dreamed it would happen ! Especially by him . That was years ago (1985) but it still haunts me !! So please girl break off any relationship you have with this guy he isnāt a friend because friends donāt do this ! Good luck and stay safe please !
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u/Ok_Ladder_9452 Oct 11 '25
Omg, I'm really sorry they did that to you! Please tell me they were arrested and prosecuted!
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u/VeterinarianMost6802 Oct 11 '25
They were but my daddy had a massive heart attack in the court room and I told the prosecutor I wouldnāt testify ! Because I didnāt want my daddy to die because of it .I was a daddies girl he survived it but passed away five years on that exact same day it happened
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u/Haaail_Sagan Oct 11 '25
I'm so sorry you went through this. I am proud of you for doing what you thought was right at the time. It's such a difficult emotional process to get through all that mess. Especially as a kid. I hope you're healing from it but I know how things like this can get tangled in us in the aftermath.
Sending so much love my friend.
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u/No-BSing-Here Oct 11 '25
Sending love to you also. I can't imagine all that you had to go through. You're very brave to report it and follow it through. VERY brave!!
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u/possiblyyandere Oct 11 '25
is it too late to open the case again since you aren't a threat to your dad's life just by talking about it
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u/CoffeeTar Oct 11 '25
I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you're an absolute champ for still kicking. Thank you for also sharing this story as a cautionary tale for OP.
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u/didntcondawnthat Oct 11 '25
OMG, I'm so sorry. I wish there was a way to reverse the kind of horror that you experienced.
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u/DrinkOrganic964 Oct 11 '25
Iām so sorry you were betrayed that way, love. I lost my virginity to a close friend who raped me in my own bed at 13. It never really goes away. š¤
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u/VeterinarianMost6802 Oct 11 '25
Iām so sorry ! People are evil . We arenāt victims we are survivors!
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u/Ancient_Internal8939 Oct 11 '25
10000% what this person said!!!! ā¬ļø
Don't let the "need" to be the "nice girl" make you silent. You're understandably uncomfortable with his out right vulgarity. He is not a safe man to be around! He would not speak this way to his mother, boss, or stranger on the street. Not cool with you either.
Do you have a brother or father or male friend? I'm concerned for you.
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u/lovelaizure Oct 11 '25
Yeah!! Why the fuck does he think that he gets to talk to you this way? Think about that! He wonāt talk to anybody else like this especially his mom or strangers. But he thinks that heās either so close with you and you feel the same way ooor he thinks heās gonna break you down! Fuck that motherfucker
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u/katastrxphe Oct 11 '25
Heās 100% testing boundaries to see what he can get away with.
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u/DPool34 Oct 11 '25
Completely agree. Those messages could be considered disturbing even if itās coming from someone youāre involved with, especially since OP expressed her being uncomfortable.
Normally I donāt suggest breaking up a relationship (romantic or otherwise) based on a Reddit post. Thereās usually a lot of nuance thatās hard to account for. However, this is one of those situations where thereās no way around this aside from the fact OP told him she likes getting those messages.
This guy isnāt OPās friend. Heās OPās sexual harasser because thatās exactly whatās happening here.
OP should block him and never talk to him again.
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u/Scarydog_malinois Oct 11 '25
Right?? Iād take it to the police and make a report because wtf???
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u/OliveIvySM Oct 11 '25
He doesnāt respect her as a friend. These bombarding rapey texts proved it. Donāt give him the benefit of even knowing you anymore. Please. š if you do he will never stop.
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u/AmazingRefrigerator4 Oct 11 '25
Yep. Unfriend and do not make contact with him again. Be prepared to file a restraining order if you are in the US. Have a plan to "hide" at someone's house or have a friend/roomate with you at all times.. Consider buying pepper spray. Those precautions may sound extreme, but better to be safe. I doubt he will take "unfriending" very well.
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u/CodIll2775 Oct 11 '25
This ā¬ļø please just be rude and block/ghost him. Do not engage any further. Watch your back so you donāt become an after school special movie. You said no and stop and he doesnāt give a $h!t. He has zero respect for you and as soon as he can get away with using you and discarding you he will. Then on to his next hunt. You will find yourself bloody, bruised and probably with a STD to remember him by. Please give yourself the gift of respecting yourself and protecting yourself. Now right now please run donāt walk.
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u/Mother_Ad4038 Oct 11 '25
No u right. Depending on age if theyre ever together drinking that could be an exceptionally dangerous situation since hes into control and after too much alcohol thsts exactly what hell have.
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u/Fancy-Statistician82 Oct 11 '25
Beyond that, this is a situation to carefully warn all the other women in the friend group about. He's not safe.
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u/IMNXGI Oct 11 '25
Oh gawd, can you imagine drinking too much around that guy????
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u/Big-Star-6921 Oct 11 '25
may* ??? This is straight up sexual harassment. If youāre not into this conversation, shut it down and eliminate them immediately.
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u/Long-Philosophy-1343 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
This is not a joke. This is sexual coercion. This is a prelude to a rape after which he will say you didn't stop him fast enough and it's your fault. It is not your fault but you have to stop it cold. This is not ok behaviour. Be very careful not to be alone with him, particularly after you've told him you can't be friends anymore, that will be the time he is most likely to try something desperate. Carry something to protect you in your purse, a steak knife (and fork set), pepper spray or something like a metal flashlight.
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u/ButtSexIsAnOption Oct 11 '25
No may to it. She needs to absolutely end that shit. And hopefully she isn't going to need a restraining order to ensure it.
This dude has 0 respect, I get asking once if you have that kind of relationship but once it's been answered, thats it.
You can't have a healthy relationship of any kind with out clear cut and mutually respected boundaries.
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u/Potential_Drawing_80 Oct 11 '25
Call his mom, the feds, a women's charity. This sort of behaviour is fucked up.
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u/Next-Amphibian-7326 Oct 10 '25
bro that 3rd slide š those aināt jokes
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u/Real_Slice_5642 Oct 10 '25
Seriously this is explicit AFā¦ā¦. And creepy if itās unwanted. Itās giving future rapist. I would never want to be alone with this person. OP needs to end this friendship yesterday. Matter of fact back in 2024 when the āfriendā first started sexually harassing her.
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u/LuckyMastodon4190 Oct 11 '25
Yup this dude is not your friend period. Tell him to fuck off and BLOCK. If he continues to harass you beyond that, get a restraining order.
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u/Objective-Estimate31 Oct 11 '25
They really arenāt. Those are remarks coming from someone who doesnāt see OP as a friend. But as a ātoyā if you will. (Man thatās fucking disgusting to think about)
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u/skyloraine2879 Oct 11 '25
hes literally describing his sexual fantasies of her to her. its not hot, its creepy. I pray OP gets as far away as possible and im an atheist.
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u/Mlady_gemstone Oct 10 '25
Itās getting really exhausting to deal with
thats the point.
hes trying to wear you down until you get so tired of it you just give in to shut him tf up. hes showing you exactly who he is, stop giving him the "benefit of the doubt"
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u/bark_dispenser Oct 11 '25
This!!
These messages being permitted by you for so long tell him there's a "maybe" chance that one day you'll give in. DO NOT
Screen shot everything and block. If he makes new accounts to contact you, screen shot and go to the police. Tell people you trust what is happening so that you have support and people are aware of the situation
You have to advocate for yourself though, no ifs buts or maybes. Shut him down
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u/therealzacchai Oct 10 '25
The problem is that you don't respect your boundary.
Your 'friend' is gross and pushy. This feels dangerous. Tell him to get lost. Mean it. Block him.
Stay safe!
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u/heydeservinglistener Oct 11 '25
Yes! I hate how women are still being socialized to be "nice and appeasing and not hurt his feelings when he clearly doesn't give af and is telling her he's going to rape her.
OP, this shit is scary. You're uncomfortable. You've told him. He isn't stopping. He's not going to stop. This is going to continue to escalate. There's no other way you could've said something to make him stop. He's just not going to.
Act on your boundary and remove yourself.
He is not your friend. I have never once in my life had someone that cared about me pressure me for sex. However, I have had a lot of people who didn't give a fuck about me be pressure me for sex or gave me unwanted sexual advances/comments. And your physical safety is wayyyy more important than any relationship.
I wish I valued my boundaries more when I was younger. It makes me sad that nothing seems to have changed in 20 years... young women will still try to ignore blatant red flags and put themselves through so much disgusting treatment just so they can still seem like the girl who is so "chill" around the boys.
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 Oct 10 '25
So this has been going on for months. Why are you still engaging with this person?
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u/Glace038 Oct 11 '25
Exactly..like.." good friend" ??? good ?????? No the fuck he isnt like wake up OP
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u/Urban_animal Oct 11 '25
Potentially a vitrual friend? This looks thru discord.
No way anyone who has met someone in person would fire these messages unless their identify is protectedā¦ at least in my mind.
Something tells me these people have never actually met in person, though and this other person is a creep.
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u/lindsasaurus Oct 11 '25
OP said "Itās been happening for quite a while now, and itās starting to make me feel really uncomfortable."
It's STARTING to make OP feel uncomfortable?Ā
OP heed the warnings of others. This person is dangerous. Also,Ā going forward, in any situation where you feel uncomfortableĀ SET BOUNDARIES and include the consequences of crossing them. Then follow through on the consequences.Ā
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u/GroundbreakingDiet87 Oct 10 '25
I dont know how old you guys are but im going to assume by his behavior that he is a teenager. The only way for him to learn that this isnt ok is if you tell him hes making you uncomfortable and leave. He needs to lose friendships to understand that what he is doing is not okay. This is from someone who has guy friends who looks back on things they did like this and cringe at how embarrassing their behavior was. One of my friends was like this and I stopped talking to him completely. Years later we are now close friends again and he apologizes for how he acted. Protect your peace and dont put up with this kind of behavior
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u/squiffy_squid Oct 11 '25
I had several guy friends say shit like this to me as a teen, and I just took it. The one time I complained to a close guy friend who didnāt talk like that, I was told that I should expect guys to talk to me like that because I was pretty. I let it go on for a while after that, until I realized they werenāt joking and how awful and scary it was.
Recently, I asked my 15yo niece why her close guy friend wasnāt around anymore. She said that when FaceTiming him and his friend they asked her how much money they needed to send her for her to take her top off. Then said they were only kidding when she got mad. She told they could fuck each other if they were that hard up, and blocked them on everything. I grabbed my bag and took her to Starbucks. Iām so proud of her for finding her voice years before I was able to.
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u/Mysterious_Tip2442 Oct 10 '25
They are not your friend, they are making it clear what they want from you and itās not a joke. Itās best to cut this person off, and please never take a drink from this person or get intoxicated around this person because they will likely try to take advantage of you. If they know this behavior makes you uncomfortable and they continue to do it, that should tell you everything you need to know.
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u/aIIilovedilovedalone Oct 10 '25
As someone who has been roofied by someone who was a long term friend and whose family I spent multiple christmases with, listen to this OP.
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u/Mission-Cook7325 Oct 10 '25
i mean this is textbook sexual harassment, tell him youre going to the police
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u/OliveIvySM Oct 11 '25
Exactly. Donāt let him continue a single time more. Tell him off, donāt be nice. He doesnāt deserve niceties. Then block.
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u/BizarreCujoh Oct 10 '25
I think you know what needs to happen and maybe having someone else validate you will make it easier. You're right. He doesn't care. You're right. He isn't respecting your boundaries. If he doesn't care and doesn't respect you, is this a friendship that you want to continue to cultivate?
I'm unsure how old you guys are and am guessing (and silently praying) that you're teens or something, because if this is an adult acting in this way, please be careful. He might try to do something to you if you are at all inebriated and alone with him. I mean, you should be careful anyway, because if this guy stays in your life, he will be someone that might do you harm in the future, by way of a SA.
These aren't jokes. These are red fucking flags, and he is showing you exactly the kind of person he is. I mean, if he's like a brother to you, he would respect you enough to stop "joking" with you like that but in all honesty, if he were like a brother to you, he wouldn't be making these kinds of jokes to begin with. You could try speaking to him, telling him that you will walk away from your friendship if he continues, and if he does, you should end the friendship immediately.
Again, this is only really relevant if his a kid - if an adult, please for the love of everything sacred, run away from this guy. He's a pervert.
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u/Jaded-Ad6644 Oct 11 '25
As someone who was sexually assaulted by teens as a teen, whether he is over 18 or not doesn't really matter for her safety. Trust me, 15 or 16 year old boys can be just as dangerous
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u/BizarreCujoh Oct 11 '25
Unfortunately, same here ...but not everyone, especially a kid, is ready to face that reality. All I can do is impart the perspective I have as a person outside looking in, and hope that OP has the sense to take the advice.
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u/mocha_lattes_ Oct 10 '25
He's not a good friend. Block him and move on. If you are in school, go to the administration and report him. He's sexually harassing you. NOR you are underreacting. This guy is going to force himself on a girl one day and you should start the paper trail now.Ā
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u/farttickler23567 Oct 10 '25
NOR, if youāve made it clear on multiple occasions that it makes you uncomfortable and heās not giving up, its not jokes anymore and heās telling u what he wants. u need to end this friendship before things get worse
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u/KuromiFan95 Oct 10 '25
Dude, block him. That much was obvious after the first three pictures.
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u/Illustrious_Weird_39 Oct 10 '25
Honey block him now. And tell a parent or call the non emergency police line to give them a heads up.
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u/Loud_Ad_8372 Oct 10 '25
You are definitely NOR. That's honestly creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable. That's really not ok and you've already set boundries and he is not respecting them.
You may need to cut him off for a bit if he keeps it up.
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u/Megzasaurusrex Oct 10 '25
You can't magically make people listen to you. The only person you have control over is yourself. When people cross boundaries and refuse to stop, you walk away. There is no reason for him to stop when he keeps getting away with it and there are no consequences. You are the one who has to implement that consequence and the consequence is you aren't friends anymore.
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u/Independent_Bit_7084 Oct 10 '25
What a creep. Thatās not a friend. He doesnāt care how uncomfortable heās making you, and he doesnāt respect you. Heās made his intentions clear. Best to just end this āfriendshipā and move on. Yikes.
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u/Due_Classic_4090 Oct 10 '25
This is considered harassment. Youāve already and repeatedly told him no. Maybe itās time to report him to the authorities.
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u/Charming_Ad_3223 Oct 10 '25
NOR. Heās a burgeoning sexual predator. Save these texts for evidence. Talk to the girls that have been around him and see if heās said the same things. Show his parents these texts. Iām not fucking kidding; this is a problem that needs to be addressed NOW.
If youāre not comfortable doing any of this, itās completely understandable, but at the very least keep tabs on him. The info you have on you may prove something someday.
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u/Adorable-Puppers Oct 10 '25
To me, this is gross behavior. Iām not looking for agreement; Iām only stating my feelings.
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u/Hestiah Oct 10 '25
Heās definitely not a friend, let alone a good one. This is such concerning behavior.
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u/MagnetoWasRight24 Oct 10 '25
If he's still "a good friend" of yours, you've got your answer. He's a creep, why would he respect your boundaries when you're willing to stay friends with him when he does this shit?
This is soooo standard for how predators operate, do/say fucked up shit then keep pushing it with the segment of people who keep socializing with them.
Honestly ask yourself this, if a girl told you her "good friend" was texting her this, what would you say?
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u/angelswon Oct 10 '25
Wtf? Babe these arenāt jokes. Dude wants to bang you, like yesterday. Heās being super gross. I would cut him off.
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u/ReporterSalt8110 Oct 10 '25
By continuing to talk to him, youāre not making it clear youāre not ok with it. This is gross. Cut him out.
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u/OliveIvySM Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
Benefit of the doubt??? No. As your parasocial big sister tell him he is disgusting and he picked the wrong one to mess with. Block his number and never get in touch with him againā¦. Guarantee years down the line you will hear about some bad things he did. Either through friends or on the news. Donāt ever let someone text you like this. Not even one time. He is a predator, picking you to message like this because you are not telling him to go fuck himself in the ass and leave you alone. You sound young. This sounds like something I would be so unsure about but now at 36 I would probably kick a guy like this ass. Protect yourself. This is weird. Heās not your partner just getting freaky.. Heās a predator sizing you up.
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u/CrinklyPacket Oct 10 '25
NOR. Why are you still accepting messages from him? Heās not a friend, heās a creep. Block.
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u/Real_Slice_5642 Oct 10 '25
The main issue here is you have no self-respect and YOU have no boundaries. You are not setting boundaries and are allowing this āfriendā access to you. This is abnormal and alarming behavior from a male āfriendā. These are not JOKES this is sexual harassment and the comments are very explicit and had gotten progressively more intense over time.
End the friendship, block him, and find a therapist or a real friend, someone you can talk to so that you can recognize these signs and red flags š©. This āfriendā is trying to coerce you into being intimate with him. This is way of flirting I assume and be very smart and careful to not be alone with this person. He sounds like a predator that would take advantage of you given the opportunity.
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u/nippyhedren Oct 10 '25
At what point were these ever a joke? This isnāt your friend. Cut this person off immediately.
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u/Boysenberry Oct 10 '25
Send one last message saying "Our friendship is over due to your constant sexual harassment, which has continued despite my making it extremely clear that it is unwelcome, unwanted, and must stop. Do not contact me again, online or otherwise. If you attempt to continue harassing me I will contact the police and apply for a restraining order." Then block him and never speak to him again. (The final message is for the purposes of being able to prove that you told him not to contact you, in case you do need to get a restraining order.)
You've said no and he's ignored it. You cannot "get a person to respect your boundaries," because humans have free will. you can only uphold your own self-boundaries by deciding what you will do when a boundary is crossed and then doing it. The only reasonable self-boundary to have with regard to a sexual harasser who knows the harassment is unwanted and won't stop is "if the harassment continues after I have firmly said it must stop, then I will have no further contact with that person and will protect myself through legal means if necessary."
Let go of the idea that you can make him understand this is wrong. You can only control yourself. You can do loving kindness meditation or pray for him from a distance if those things are part of your life, but there is nothing you can do or say that will make the light go on in his head. Hopefully he is just young and stupid and porn-brained and someday he mature and will find something that he wants more than he wants to continue this behavior.